Okaaaaayyyy…. so my main character is dying and he is hallucinating the person who she loves is trying to save her and when she dies I didn't want to say "she died and the hallucination was gone"
So i thought of one but idk if it would make sense to the audience or if its too deep
anyways here it is:
And he faded away, just as fast as her breath did.
I just need to know if that is a: good or b: if that is in a good order for words
Thanks!
That sounds pretty good, but you might want to change "her breath" to "her heartbeat," just to make it more clear that she's dead.
thanks!
Nice idea. Maybe add a bit more detail to convey feelings, since you want the readers to really understand that the MAIN character is gone.
"And then, his outstretched hand was pulled back, and he began to fade away, like the wisps of smoke that curled up from a desperate fire. Like those desperate embers, and like him, she began to fade, her heartbeat slowing, her breath and smile joining the wisps of smoke, their rage and passion nothing but a memory, gone with the wind."
…sorry, I get really into writing sad scenes. You can ignore me.
Ashlee Seaton I like it!