forum Help Writing Torture?

Started May 16, 2018 by @Discombra

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'Kay guys. I've been struggling to write a torture scene for my character. It's necessary for the plot to continue, but I can't make it sound right. Any tips?

I'll put a snippet in here. So, trigger warning: torture.
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EDIT: This is a new scene that was created with the help of your advice.
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Malachi stood in the doorway. Dawne straightened. The door locked itself behind him as he approached.

“I don’t know what you did.” He snarled, Dawne flinching back. “But SOMEONE hasn’t stopped sulking for three days.” Dawne smirked

“Who?”

“Krista.” Malachi snapped, spit flying. Dawne rolled her eyes. A sharp sting shot through her cheek.

Her cheek was burning from the slap. Scratchy rope returned to circle her wrists, binding her arms above her head. A quick beat of Malachi’s wings and she was dangling, completely at his mercy. Malachi flew back down, leaving Dawne hanging from an iron hook rooted in the ceiling.

Dawne kicked her legs, struggling against her bonds. Another length of rope binding her ankles ceased all movement.

Malachi smiled. He flicked his index finger out, a scythe-like claw unsheathing itself from the folds of his skin. The claw reflected what little light was left in the cell. He came forward, grabbing her jaw with a firm grip. Dawne

“Do you wanna know why I didn’t touch you?” Dawne didn’t respond. “Because she begged me to. Begged on her hands and knees, every day. But now….” Dawne’s eyes followed his claw, that was gliding back and forth across her head, not daring to touch her, but close enough to feel the cold radiating from the rock-hard bone. “Now, you’re all mine to play with.”

Dawne’s screams filled her cell. Blood dripped from the fresh cut running across her brow, dripping. She felt a claw digging into her forearm, drawing another scream forward as it dug under her skin, finally ripping it apart from her arm at the elbow. A warm trickle of blood dripped down her arm, irritating the pulsing muscle.

Her arm started burning. Dawne shrieked as Malachi poured salt across her arm.

“SHUT UP!” Malachi roared, but Dawne wouldn’t stop sobbing. Malachi, growling, snapped his fingers.

The faint smell of ozone marked the use of magic. Her throat grew dry, and a faint stinging sensation. Dawne went to scream again, but found her voice unable to comply. Malachi smiled cruelly.

(time passes)

Dawne let out another silent scream, scraping her throat as she pushed naught but dry air through her bloodied lips. Malachi pulled back his magic, extinguishing the flame in his open palm. She could no longer see out of her left eye. Dawne thought she saw it on a table at some point, but her mind was scrambled from the pain.

Malachi had pulled out a long, dull needle. It gave a dull shine where the rust hadn’t obscured the metal. He gave her a wicked grin.

“Now, time for our grand finale.” Dawne no longer cared. Everyone she knew was gone forever. All of them either dead, or worse. She closed her eyes, ready for the sweet embrace of death.

Maybe less ‘tell’ and more ‘show’? I know that sounds so overused, but there are a few spots where it would apply. Maybe instead of being so specific, just detail the smaller things, or describe the pain instead of the cause?
There is also one instance where the intensity of the scene is disrupted by a bit of redundancy. In between the dialogue of the antagonist, you say ‘not daring to touch her’ again after you had previously said that during the actual dialogue. Just a tip :)

@TurtleOfFreedom Thanks!

No problem!

I think a small issue here is that I sometimes don’t know what’s happening? Like first paragraph to second paragraph, it just jumped straight to screams and then explained what was happening. It’s kind of throwing me off, though I get the writing style and I actually like it. Overall, it’s good but vague and unrealistic, if you know what I mean. I’m actually not that great at writing torture scenes myself, so I can’t advise on how to change it, but maybe you could google a few tips?

I just have a good read suggestion. My husband has an interesting book all about torture called: https://www.amazon.com/Theatre-Hell-Lungs-Complete-Torture/dp/1559502355
Quote: "In Theatre of Hell: Dr. Lung's Complete Guide to Torture, Dr. Haha Lung and Christopher Prowant expose and reveal the routine and systematic torture carried on by civilized, "friendly" countries. They also catalog over 100 countries where legal "judicial" tortures range from caning to limb amputation and beheading. These are state-sanctioned punishments for such simple offenses as persuading a foreign citizen to change religions or drug smuggling or theft. Tales of torture have always been with us, but always in some nebulous place far from home or removed further still by time and covered by the dust of centuries. The tools used by medieval inquisitors or a depraved dictator in a third world country were simply oddities in rare textbooks or tidbits of information in a news magazine. It was possible to believe torture wasn't something that affected us personally. Now we find that we live in a world where torture continues to be a tool used by nearly every country as a means of extracting information from recalcitrant captives, to induce fear in the populace, or simply for the pleasure of those administering the torture. The world is a smaller place than we thought and what was once considered far off isn't so much anymore. This book acts as a warning to those who might otherwise never suspect how easily torture can impact their lives. U.S. citizens traveling to other lands will find the information contained in this book an excellent guide to what innocent behaviors here might lead to incarceration and torture as punishment for their trespass on cultural taboos elsewhere. Military and government personnel stationed in the world's trouble spots should look at the information in this bookas an opportunity to familiarize themselves with tactics used by unscrupulous leaders in preparation for when they might find themselves faced with "expedient interrogation" as a P.O.W. or a political pawn. Watchdog groups, those who monitor out-of-control security forces around the world will find this book useful in documenting, with the intent to curb, state sanctioned abuses, both foreign and domestic. Covert operatives, whether domestic informants, police undercover agents, or international intelligence operatives will find this book to be a graphic testament to what they might expect if their cover is blown. If you have ever wondered how much torture you could take to protect loved ones, friends or fellow soldiers, this text will give you more to ponder. If you are one of those who feel compelled to seek out those things humans fear most, Theatre of Hell: Dr. Lung's Complete Guide to Torture tell you exactly what you want to know. "

It's good so far, but I think using some more intense verbs could help, like searing or scorching instead of just burning, or agonizing instead of irritating. Also, adding some more visual interaction between protagonist/antagonist could really help with a clearer visual picture; maybe have Dawne trying to scuttle away from Malachi and him forcibly holding her in place, or something as subtle as her noticing his expression (cold and calculating, cruel enjoyment, crazed and feverish look, etc). Something else that makes reading a torture scene more believable is the protagonist's physical reaction to the pain, both voluntary or involuntary, like panting or crying, shaking, going into shock, trying to staunch bleeding wounds, ears ringing, vision going white/black, hyperventilating, all those organic quirks that humans have when experiencing pain. Just keep playing with it!

Thank you all!

I've actually found that hearing the effects of torture, depending on what you use, is worse than telling people what's happening. Leaving it to the imagination can drive your readers made with worry and produce an even greater sense of dread. If you have the person tied to a rack, the reader will already know (providing they know what the rack is) what is going to happen. But if you just describe what they feels and how their body is being acted upon, it could be anything be used. Tell, don't show. Your readers will love it