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Started by @@Liz
tune

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@@Liz

Thanks! I'm starting a story I guess? A book? Here's the first part:

Auden’s day was going pretty great. She had had a pretty fantastic meal: some green and white speckled bread that had been promptly thrown into some guard's face as he passed by and some stale water that smelled like it had sat in the sewer for two weeks before making it to her wonderful cell. After that lovely breakfast she had a visiter to keep her company. A guard.
“Get a move on it,” he said as a shove took her balance out from under her feet. Getting back up she sneered at the guard, her chains getting in the way and creating a clinking sound that echoed. He chuckled and they continued their pleasant walk through the dazzling hallway. Left, right, another right and a long walk down the long hallway and they were at their destination. The two guards dressed in formal Meccanij colors were stoic as they ignored her presence. Knocking, they opened the door for the guard in charge of her removal from her cell.
The door crept open and a body sat at the desk waiting for those on the other side of the door.
“Come in and keep quiet,.” The man, no merchant, was dressed in purple and gold the colors of the royal order of merchants, the Meccanij. The Meccanij took a file in his hand and light flashed off of metal on his hand, “ Auden T, Murderer, nineteen years old, thief and prosti-” she interrupted ”No that one isn’t true. I have never and will never be a prosti-” he continued” Sentenced to jail for thirteen years at the age of sixteen on the charge of murdering Alezande Frote” she cut in “ I never got a trial for that charge. I was told I was going to jail, for being a thief” he took a long moment to look at her. “ I have a job for you.”
“No.”

@WriteOutofTime

Ooh!! I love the biting sarcasm at the beginning. Took me by surprise and I think provides insight into the main character. Good job on that. I can really talk about formatting since it probably doesn't translate well on a forum, but make sure to switch paragraphs when the action changes or when someone different talks. Also, in the sentence "Knocking, they opened the door…" In that case, the guards escorting her are knocking, but the way the sentence is structured, it sounds like the people inside are knocking and then opening the door. Confusing? I know! I mess up -ing verbs and usage all the time. Another thing is that you want to use as few words as possible to get your meaning across. Meaning no extraneous words like "The man, no merchant," because we get that meaning by the end of the sentence. Try "The man was dressed in the purple and gold colors of the royal order of merchants. The Meccanji." By the way, i'm crazy about the name for the merchants. I don't know why, I just really like it. As for your dialogue, it's really clever but hard to read because no paragraph shifts, and because you don't punctuate. What you wrote:

The Meccanij took a file in his hand and light flashed off of metal on his hand, “ Auden T, Murderer, nineteen years old, thief and prosti-” she interrupted ”No that one isn’t true. I have never and will never be a prosti-” he continued” Sentenced to jail for thirteen years at the age of sixteen on the charge of murdering Alezande Frote” she cut in “ I never got a trial for that charge. I was told I was going to jail, for being a thief” he took a long moment to look at her. “ I have a job for you.”
“No.”
What it should be:

The file in the Meccanji's hand flashed in the light. "Auden T., murderer, nineteen years old, thief and prosti-"

"No, that one isn't true," she interrupted. "I have never and will never be a prosti-"

He ignored her interruption, continuing, "Sentenced to jail for thirteen years at the age of sixteen on the charge of murdering Alezande Frote."

She cut in again, "I never got a trial for that charge. I was told I was going to jail for being a thief."

He took a long moment to look at her. She tried to read his expression, but it was (insert whatever descriptor you want here). "I have a job for you."

"No."

Anyways, I fixed up some of the grammatical and formatting issues, and added a few things that if you don't like, you don't have to keep. Good job and good luck! I really enjoyed reading this.