forum Eye of Rylim
Started by Catriona
tune

people_alt 24 followers

Catriona

The Eye of Rylim is a book a friend and I are writing. I set this chat up so maybe we could get some ideas and someone could critique our work. There is a possibility that we would roleplay now and then.

Catriona

I won't be on for a couple of hours after this, bye

Chapter 1
I looked at the school where I would be spending 9 months, the infamous boarding school with those who had a knack for magic, Abrerose Institute. Even though I was a junior and a very smart student, I still got the jitters, especially when thinking about who my roommate could be. I was nature nymph with a dragon and many animal friends. My father was a high ranking nymph magic users and highly revered, so I had a lot to live up to. I sighed, carrying my green suitcase and school books on spells and the importance of magic in everyday life, moving a strand of my brown hair out of my face. As I was walking I heard a familiar voice call my name. “ELA!!!!!!!!” Turning around to see where the voice was coming from I saw my best friend, Cat Fallencrest. She had blonde wavy hair and blue eyes. She had no power, but she came from an old very powerful family, so there was still hope for her. She was also a hardworking student. She rushed up to me and gave me a big bear hug almost lifting me off the ground.
“Wow Cat, have you been working out.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” she responded with an excited tone,” is your dragon here with you this year, oh did you bring Olsac.”
“Noelani is in the stables,” then looking around I opened my bag,” as for Olsac.”
When I opened my bag a fluffy red panda popped out.
“OLSAC!!!!!”
I laughed as Cat lifted Oslac, the red panda keeping a blank expression.
“Well, hello to you too.”
I turned around to see where the mystery voice had come from. Only when I turned my head there was no one there. I pondered this until the voice said,” Um, up here.” Lifting my head I saw Darrath on his Phantom Claw dragon, Oseod, staring down from the ceiling. Darrath was Cats twin. He had wavy blonde hair and black eyes. Their father had been a Glass corruption
“How are you,” he added.
“ I am well. How have you been?”
“I Have been very well, thank you.”
I nodded, ” You should probably put Oseod in the stables.”
Nodding he rode off. “Ela,” Cat shouted,” You’ll never believe who your roommate is!”
“Who?”
Cat engulfed me in a breath sucking hug. “Me!’’ Laughing we headed down the halls to our new room.
We entered the spacious room with a window looking out onto the campus. “I can’t wait to spice up this room,” I thought. While Cat worked on getting her stuff ready. I put an area where my animals could relax, and put up my stuff.
“Hey Cat, you know how I saved an animal every summer.”
“Oh no, for all I know you brought a velociraptor.”
“Oh please, I only brought Paerles.”
“Who is Paerles?”
As Cat asked, a dragon sprite with green and blue coloring flew around the room and landed gracefully on a desk. Cat had an I-knew-it look as she sighed,” So I’m guessing that’s Paerles.”
While Cat and I were customizing our dorm room, a tall woman with dark hair and eagle eyes stepped into the room, her velvet blue cloak trailing behind her. “Good morning, Cat, Ela, I see you are getting settled in.” She was Professor Annora, she taught the Magical Arts.
“Good Morning, Professor.”
“ I came to tell you that the school initiation will be in the dining hall at dusk this year.” With an elegant nod of her head she left the room.

The sun was setting as Cat and I finished up our room. “There,” we said in unison,” all done.” High fiving, we went to our sides of the room. Cat’s side was mainly blue, black, and a few splashes of gold. Her walls were covered in art, so you could not see the colors of her room. Some art was on paper and some was on the wall. My side was green, teal, and blue. My side was covered by books on animals and others like Wolf of the Broken Banner, and modern technologies like a computer. “Well we better hurry,” Cat walked toward the door,” we don’t want to be late for dinner.”
When we arrived we were in awe of the splendor of the hall. Bundled up blue velvet curtains lined the walls, windows let in the silver moonlight, as the opal chandeliers reflecting the light from the lanterns. All the teachers were at tables at the front of the hall. As soon as Cat and I sat down next to Darrath the headmaster, Professor (add in later) stood up and spoke. “Students, welcome back, and to new students I hope you enjoy your year at the academy. I see even though the threat of Four ???????
We will make sure that the school is a secure and safe place.” Some students whispered among themselves. “Now,” the professor added,” let us enjoy the feast.”
Snapping his/her fingers a legion of tiny stick-like figures burst into the room carrying trays of food. Some flew on the table putting the trays down, and chirping before taking off. When the wooden figures flew away we all started to feast. As we started eating I noticed a pair of boys, with shaggy dirty blonde hair and wearing dark clothing, walking toward Darrath with sly smirks. I leaned over toward Darrath and pointed toward the boys. “Do you know them?” Darrath lifted his head from eating a turkey leg to see the boys. When he saw them his eye widened and he said,” Oh no.”
“What?,” I asked.
“Those are my two roommates, there annoy-.”
But before he could finish the twins got on different sides of Darrath and looped their arms around Darrath’s neck.
“Hello roomy. Did you really think…”
“… That you could get away from us?”
Darrath sarcastically responded,” Actually,” he lifted his index finger up,” yes.”
The twins pulled their arms tighter around Darrath’s neck. With a nod toward each other, they turned their heads towards me and introduced themselves.
“Hello,” the twin with a more muscular frame and arrogant attitude said,” I’m Eric,” pointing to the other twin, “ this is.”
Then the twin with the flamboyant and sassy attitude then butted in.
“ Cire ”
“Nice to finally meet the allusive Ella. We have heard a lot about you.” the twins said in unison.
I raised an eyebrow.
“How did you find out about me?”
“Oh! You do not know? Darrath can’t stop talking about you.”
Darrath choked on his water and stud abruptly.
“Hey guys, didn’t our wingmaster say to bring something from out dorm? Let's go ask.”
As Darrath and the twins walked away Cat and I burst out laughing.
“I feel so bad for my brother. He is going to die by the end of the week with those two.”
I nodded my head in agreement as I ate.

When we returned it was dark with the moon casting shadows among the floor.
“Come on let’s turn in for the night,” Cat walked toward her bed flopping tiredly on the sheets,” Hey Ela, are you trying out for dragon racing?” I nodded my head as headed to the shower.
After I was clean, I saw Cat snoring on top of everything on her bed. I went over and gently got her under her covers. As I walked away, I could Cat snoring softly. I got under the sheets, resting my head as the world faded away.
The next morning I woke up to two big blue eyes staring intently at me.
“AAA!”
I fell out of my bed onto the cold wooden floor. When I had fully woken up I had found out that the two blue eyes were Paerles. I groaned,” What do you want Paerles?”
Paerles jumped up and pulled back the curtains to reveal daylight. I pulled a pillow off the floor and groaned. A few seconds later, Cat’s alarm clock went off playing the Smallville theme song. Cat jumped out of bed and onto the floor with a thud. She slowly got up and walked over toward my laying form. “Come on,”Cat said tiredly,”let's get started for the day.”

When we arrived the tiny stick sprites were all around and serving out food.
“Cool,” replied Cat.
As I relaxed I saw a rustling in my bag. I got up, already knowing what was in my bag. I lifted the bag up and opened it seeing that my Red Panda buddy, Oslac. “Hey buddy, what are you doing here?,” I asked.
“Hey, Ela is that Oslac?,” Cat asked,” I never met him before.”
“Yep, this is him,” I replied as Oslac nibbled on some goldfish. “Little rascal,” I thought to myself.
Then a loud scream enveloped the entire hall
“AAAA!” The screaming was “Get him out of my shirt!” The whole school was looking at Darrath's dancing. Then I ran and wrangled two snakes out of Darrath’s shirt while Darrath started marching over toward the twins “You should keep those snakes on a leash!” Yelled Darrath. “Also keep them out of other people's stuff. I found him in my room eating my snacks this morning.”
“ At least you have the power to create a new bag of snacks,” the twins replied
The twins cocked his head at Darrath and squinted.
“ I think it is nice to let them roam free.” I replied. The snakes were now pretty docile and seemed to be friendly toward me“ Just keep them out of my things.” Darrath said for the second time.
“ Darrath cool it. It is the first week of school and you are already becoming a hot head. We are here to be one with knowledge and be made into an instrument of peace.”
Darrath looked his sister curiously, “Did you read that off Sentence of the Day toilet paper morning?”
Cat nodded “Ya… I got really bored.” Darrath burst out laughing.
I went off to read a book because Cat on Darrath started talking about some boring warlock stuff. I walked down a dark corridor toward the library. There were so many books in the school library, but only one caught my eye. The Book of Untold Prophecies.
The cover was smooth black leather. When I opened the book the pages were blank. I stared in confusion at the blank page. As I was thinking, black spidery writing formed on the page.

The Blood moon will rise,
on the tenth day.
A Demon will be born,
inside the unexpected.
Heros will come
But,
One will die,
One will turn,
One will fail,
And one is already dead
Devastation will storm,
and hope will seem gone
Unless the Eye of Riylm
Can be returned….

I stared in confusion at spidery writing. “ Wait! Is that it? Where is this Riylm person? I got to tell Cat!”
Rushing out of the Forest library screaming at the top of my lungs “Cat… Darrath… Cat… Darrath!” I saw Cat and Darrath near the pool with a new kid. A tranquil rider! Unconscious of the bottom step, I trip and fell. Before I could touch the ground, I felt strong arms wrap around me and lift me up. When I lifted my head I saw Darrath looking down at me with crimson cheeks. “Hey,” I said,” are you okay, you’re all red.”
“Am I fine,” Darrath panted,” you nearly broke your nose.”
“I’m okay, besides I wouldn’t have broken my nose.” I said
Then I remembered what i ran out for, and dashed out of his strong arms. “Cat, you have to look at this,” lifting up the book. Cat looked in puzzlement at the blank pages. “ What am I supposed to be seeing?” I took the book back and stared. The writing was here just a minute ago!”
“Um… Hi. I am Andre. What exactly did I miss. I was just transferred here.”
“There was a prophecy. About us! Something about a blood moon on the tenth day and how one of us will fail, one will die, ones is already dead, one will fail, and one will fall. Unless…” I gasped for breath “… Unless we find this eye of Riylm thing.”
“Alina,” Cat replied,” I doubt it was about us, it probably just a small prophecy.”
“ Hi Andre, nice to meet you.” I turned, “Cat,” I argued,” it appeared to me. It must mean something!”
“Eye of Riylm,” Darrath muttered under his breath.
I looked curiously at him as I asked,” Do you know something about this?”
He looked me then turned his eyes away before replying,” No.”
“Hmm,” I wondered why doesn't he look at me then I decided to ask,” Hey darrath, do you want to hang out sometime.”
Cat started fangirling for some reason, as Darrath looked in shock and shook his head yes.
“Good, see you later,” I replied,” but first I want to escort the new kid around.”

Chapter 2

“Wait!” screamed Cat, “ I can take him around. You and Darrath can go hang out together!”
I had seen Cat like this before. Once she was like this, there was no other choice. ” Fine, I will go with Darrath now and you can go with Andre.”
Cat nodded vigorously. “ Andre come this way with me. Darrath, you can take Ela to the special place you found.”
“What place did you find Darrath?”
“There is a little cave that looks out over the sea. I am surprised that you did not find out from the twins.”
I smiled, “I think that they won’t tell me anything after that night in the dining hall.”
Darrath chuckled, “You are right about that.” Darrath looked at the setting sun
“We had better be going. The came is about twenty miles from here.”
“Twenty miles? Even on our dragons that will take at least fifteen minutes.”
Darrath shook his head, “You forget, I am the son of a glass corruption. We don’t need dragons.”
As Darrath took my hand, the world around me swirled into colors. Vibrant reds, blues, greens, and so many more. When we stopped I looked around. We were at the base of a small hill.
Darrath lead the way to a small cliff. In the cliff there was a small hole. The outside was covered in beautiful vines the produced the most amazing flours I and ever seen. Each vine was colored different. Some dark green shading into light or purple shading into blue, all the vines ended with white. Flowers were scattered like stars among the vines. Each petal of the flower had one or two colors on it. It was like someone had taken a rainbow and painted the petals with it. When they opened they formed a type of water lily.
“Do you like them?” Darrath whispered. All I could do was stare at them.
“How did you…. They are…. They are the most breathtaking thing I have ever seen.”
Darrath smiled, and let small purple and blue sparks fly from his hand.
“ It took me awhile to get them right. When the sun is gone I have another surprise for you.” Darrath took my hand and led me in the cave. On the inside, the top was filled with stars. The bottom was made of warm rock and a pool. The pool was big enough to fit both dragons and still have plenty of wiggle room.
“You found this?” I asked. My voice echoed through the cave
“I made the pool, stars, and remade the flowers. I found the rest.” Darrath said shrugging. He walked over to a shallow part of the pool. A floating table appeared on the surface of the water. The top of the tabletop was covered with an assortment of sushi. There was sushi with salmon and rice, some had Calicut with wasabi on the side. On the side was crab rolls with yum sauce.
“Darrath, what is all this for?” I asked eyeing the food and flowers.
“Did you think my sister would not tell me about your birthday.
Ela, from the moment I met you I…. I don't know how to say this, but.”
But before he could finish Endora, with Satrena on her back, burst in and dived into the pool. “Nice flowers,” Cat complemented, while she took off a bundle of lilies and vines off her head.
“Thanks,” Darrath responded through gritted teeth.
“You’re welcome.” Cat said smiling. She skipped over too Ela and grabbed her hands.
“Sooooo?!? When is your first date with my brother?”
Darrath’s eyes went wide and his cheeks turned pink.
“I did not tell her yet!”
Cat let go of my hands.
“ You did not know?”
“No. I just found out.” My cheeks turned red.
“Wait, you,” I said while turning toward Darrath, “like me!”
Darrath stutteringly replied, “Y-yes.”
“Darrath I can’t.”
The room turned silent, then interrupting the silence, Darrath spoke up, “Why?”
“Darrath,” I started, “ I want to, but I’m…”
Then a voice interrupted her saying, “ Engaged, to me.”

Chapter 3
The shadowy figure stepped out of the darkness. He was a spiky dark-haired boy, who seemed to be 18 years old. He wore a leather jacket and dark jeans. He was muscular and tall. On his jacket was the symbol of the Royal Guard of ενότητα, the origin country of the magical.
“My name is Seth Runebrace.”
I heard a gasp from Cat. Runebrace was a noble name, even knowing them as an acquaintance could move your ranking in the magical world and regular world.
“Ela… SINCE WHEN WERE YOU ENGAGED?” screamed cat.
“All of you know my family is of high standing. I have no power of who I marry.”
“ YES YOU DO! YOU TALK. You don’t just sit in a corner and stay silent.”
“You all think because of my high standing life is easy. NEWS FLASH! I am
marrying him because….”
“ Because what?
“Because we need a male heir, and apparently I’m the only one who can provide that.”
“ You can choose a good man to provide the male heir. You also need magic to make sure that it would be a male. Darrath could provide those two things. What can this new dude do?”
“If we just choose anyone there was a chance he wouldn't be willing to keep my family name.”
Seth spoke up,” Darling,” he said while putting his arm around me,” I think we should be going.”
Cat got up from the pool and stormed over to Seth. “What do you have that Darrath does not!”
“Simple, I’m not some hatchling of a demon.”
A bolt of red lightning shot through the room. Darrath was in the middle of a lightning storm. The red light cast an odd shadow off his face. The lightning was coming out of his hands, eyes, and chest. The lightning coming from his eyes made them glow red. His body was bent back in a painful position. His arms were spread out wide and his hands were spread and tensed.
“Darrath!” Cat screamed
Cat ran to help him, as she did the lightning jumped towards her. A dozen strands hit her at once. There was a bone cracking sound as Cat hit the far wall.
“Cat!” I screamed in horror. Seth held me from running to my friend.
Cat collapsed on the floor, her skin was charred. She was shaking violently. Darrath was now lying on the floor unconscious as well. I finally pulled myself out from seth’s grasp and ran to Cat.
“Cat, open your eyes… Please open your eyes.”
I felt tears sting my eyes
“She is not breathing! Seth get help! Someone… Anyone!”
“Could I help?”
A strange voice filled the room. Andre materialized from the shadows and came towards Cat.
He knelt down by Cat and hovered his hands over her heart. His eyes grew bright violet.
“Αντίστροφη ζημιά που έχει γίνει …” Andre whispered
Cat gasped as her eyes flew open.
“Where is Darrath!” she cried
I suddenly remembered Darrath. I got up and ran to his spot on the floor. The floor was charred and black around him. He had blood trickling from a cut on his head. As I went to wipe it, Seth pulled me back.
“No touching him! He could wake up and try to kill you! Look what he did to his sister.”
I looked over at Cat. She was being helped up by Andre. Her skin was healing itself now, but there was still spots of burned skin. I looked back at Darrath but said nothing.
“Well, I’ll just be taking Ela with me and returning to her home.”
“WHAT!” I screaming
Seth dragged me to his hip,” Well, our wedding is in three months. Today is Ela’s eighteenth birthday, and the arrangement was to marry her in three months.”
I stood there trembling as Seth dragged my face toward his,” Isn’t that right?”
Before he could drag his face nearer toward mine, I slapped him,” NO! I’m not going, I have made a life here I can’t just leave!”
Seth made a dark smile before dragging my ear to his mouth whispering,” Do you want your family to lose its title. What other men will be so generous to let the first son be named heir to your family. Think wisely.”
Everyone stood in shock, as my face fell toward the floor, then I thought of something.
“If you want me to marry you, you have to let me stay here one more month. Then I will leave.”
Darrath’s mouthed a no, as Seth smirked as he got once more close to my face.
“Very well,” he then put his mouth next to my ear whispering,” but first you have to give me something in return.” He faintly touched my collarbone, then trailed down stopping where my collar was.
The world around me fell dark, as I heard Darrath and Cat gasped, everything went slowly by as I hit the cold water below me. I heard two splashes as everything faded into darkness

@Paperok

Okay. I feel like this is an entire book condensed into three chapters. since I have no grammatical sense Ill just talk about the plot, I have many questions firstly, in the start it says Ela was going to spend the next 9 months at Aberose institution, but shes getting married to Seth in three months? more on that later. So ela is a junior at 18 (since the second day is her birthday, though it isnt brought up until Seth mentions it) did she fail a year? Also what is the lore here? what kind of world is this? Ela and her father are nature nymphs, is the world full of mythological creatures? she has a dragon so I could infer that but it would be better if it were laid out with a bit more explanation. Also why is she going to the boarding school? did she do something wrong? its stated its for people with a knack for magic, are the magical people rare? common? but she has a book on the usage of magic in everyday life so thats kindve weird. Also she kept a panda inside her bag? poor panda. and Darrath, oh Darrath riding a dragon here and making things confusing, did everyone ride a dragon here? Also is Cat (classic name) saying “Oh no, for all I know you brought a velociraptor.” serious or is she joking? moving on I was confused by something, I know I said wouldnt review grammar but I have to here ¨All the teachers were at tables at the front of the hall. As soon as Cat and I sat down next to Darrath the headmaster,¨ If I had not have paused and went back this line wouldve ahd me thinking that Darrath was the headmaster. maybe Im just stupid lol. Also what is the threat of four? its mentioned by the nameless headmasterprofessor potato and never explained or mentioned again. What are the stick figures? did the potato just create them by snapping his fingers? are they pre-cgi elves? Also Also Also, two raggedy boys with a pranking nature…..no….. dont you dare. Also I hope that finishing each others sentences/ talking in sync does not happen too often. Also also also ALSO, there were no classes! just a feast and then flash forward to bedtime. Also Also Also Also Also The smallville theme song is called Save me (by Remy Zero) just so you know. Ignoring Cats comment that she never met Oslac unless there is some time warping potatoes going on here. Also A- ill stop. is there no daily schedule for classes? the kids seem to be just roaming free. Rylim? Riylim? How is there a new kid if it is the second day of school? is he a freshman? Also what does Darrath mean by “You forget, I am the son of a glass corruption. We don’t need dragons.” do you mean glass cooporation? he a son of the coorporation? if not then what is a glass corruption? how does that give him beautiful teleportation? moving further along with these gasping potatoes. Ela is engaged and didnt say anything, did she sneak away to get to the institution? Also apparntly Darath is a demon (somehow Seth knew that and I guess the others didnt?) and of course with demon powers comes no control and angry rampaging! and no teachers or professors or nameless headmasters doing anything. I get that Seth is a jerk but that does not have to be everything he is. a guy just hurt his sister and himself and all he can think about doing is forcefully holding Ela and trying to kiss her, really? Also why would Darath agreee to Ela`s offer? what does she have over him? and finally what did he take from her? a necklace? a bra? a shirt? alright my nitpicks are out of the way. Let me be brutally honest; this seems like a loreless Harry Potter fanfic I mean three chapters in and I dont know what kind of world this is. medieval? futuristic? PA? heck I dont even understand how the magic works HECK I dont even know what the headmasters name is? Okay I get that this is a work in progress and I understand that, this has plenty potential to be great and I look forward to reading more of this.

Catriona

Thank, I knew this thing would need some big-time fixing. My friend is the major author for the beginning, so I saw Harry Potter coming. I need to help her on the first few chapters. If the first three chapter sucked this much then I will save you the headake and hold the rest until I can fix it a little bit, is that okay?

Catriona

Alina, here is my link to the characters. I hope you approve, I did a little remodeling on some of them.