forum Action scenes? Help?

Started March 19, 2019 by @Moxie group

tune

Does anyone know how to write action scenes/can anyone help critique mine? I have a fight scene that's currently a big block of text. I know I need to break it up and probably fix it but I have no idea how. Help please

I’m not very good at writing action scenes but if you want, I could look over them and see if they sound good, from a readers’ standpoint?

Yes please, that would be helpful.
Keep in mind that I know this scene is far from complete and needs a lot of work. I just wrote it and then I haven't touched it since. Also this is the opening scene of my story.

Fourth street was in chaos. Shops were on fire, cash flooded the street, food carts were tipped over, people were running around screaming, and a boy in white clothes, known to the public as Lumen, was flying around, trying to keep a seven-foot tall black robot at bay. Written on the back of it were the words ‘Vanta Enterprises’ in purple cursive. The sunlight shone down, and the boy reflected it off his hands at the head of the robot, blinding the girl inside. At the same moment, the robot tried shooting at the boy, missing by a few inches. Lumen flashed light at it again and flew around the back, looking for a button or a lever or something. ‘Damn you, Lila,’ he thought, not finding any entryways or possible ways to shut the machine down. He had discovered that this particular robot took many difficult calculations to turn the head and thus tried to find a way in from the back. It was not going that great. Lumen heard a woman scream and turned his head, costing him precious seconds. The robot’s head finally turned and aimed a blast at Lumen’s back, shooting him to the ground. He went to shoot up off the ground but felt a searing pain in his shoulder as he did. Anger on his face, he stood, feet firmly planted on the ground. He was running out of time. This fight needed to end. Soon. He held his arms out in front of him, letting the robot come to him. Once it was close enough, he pushed with his mind, making a thrusting motion with his hands at the same time. The robot flew up and crashed down to the ground. Sweat started to bead on Lumen’s forehead. The robot started to get up, but Lumen pushed it into the air again, higher this time, and let it fall to the ground. It stirred, and he shoved it upwards last time, trying not to pass out from the effort. The robot fell to the ground with a great crash and did not move again. Small, insect-like drones flew in a swarm and picked up the black shell, flying it out to the unknown. Lumen collapsed to the ground, holding a hand to his throbbing head. But people were coming. Those who were in hiding started to creep out, and those who had been avoiding the street started to tentatively elephant it. They were lost and confused. They needed someone to tell them things were okay. Lumen pushed off the ground and into the air. “It’s alright!” he said in a loud voice. “The street is safe now. You can all go about your business.” He flew off into the early morning air, to an apartment window down the street. He tumbled through it and landed on his bed, taking his white mask off, his breathing heavy. He checked the clock by his bed and groaned. He was going to be late again.

I think it’s a really good start! The first couple paragraphs are a tiny bit awkward, but everything else is written well and flows well. Good job!

This is a video about action scenes in film so I'm not sure how well it translates to writing, but it might be worth checking out. It's a really fun video either way. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch-5ydxW_WE

I think you did well! Like Moony said the first few paragraphs we're a tiny bit awkward. But overall it was fast-paced, pragmatic, and the choreography was decent. But I think your main issue is that you need to show more than you tell. I mean, I know what he and the robot we're doing, but I don't know how to feel about it. I need a little bit of guidance, or else it's just going to be me reading through an awkward, pushy action scene. Thank you for sharing though, it is an honor to read your work!