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Everything was numb, he knew what a panic attack felt like for him and this wasn’t it.
There was no light-head, no quick breathing, everything was just… Numb.
He put his hood over his head, hoping that maybe that would warm up how cold he felt inside.
He shouldn’t be numb right now, his aunt and grandfather were about to step off the plane, they were coming to see him. But, but then he remembered, his grandfather and aunt still thought he was a girl, still thought he wore pink dresses and blue skirts.
Though he knew he never wore pink dresses, he had absolutely detested that color, it was just too bright. Oh, he was getting off-track again and there’s the panic coming.
It’s coming in waves and he can’t stop it. He can’t stop it, but he can imagine the next few days, filled with being misgendered and panic because he was working backstage at his school’s drama performance.
He didn't even know why he was writing this, it wasn’t like his therapist could read it without questions. She still thought he was a girl, too.
Everyone thought he was a girl but him, then, the numbness came back.
Soon enough, the numbness melted away.
His family wouldn’t be coming for another few hours, he was fine. The conveyor belt broke for a bit and his aunt and grandfather needed their luggage. He was okay for a few hours, then he would be back to numbness.
A few hours have passed, he felt them coming. His aunt had the habit of calling him Little Girl every time they met, she also hugged him. He didn’t like hugs, they were confining.
They were here, his aunt saying little girl in her drawling southern accent and hugging him, his grandfather giving him a small hug and then they went inside.