forum Weird Things that Dads Say

Started August 29, 2018 by @RedTheLoveless

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Write the weird things you've heard your dad(s) say basically. From Dad Jokes to random outbursts to embarrassing himself and/or you. Write it all down here.

"Only Jesus lovers in this house. Sinners will be thrown out the window with the force of a thousand suns."
"Dad you're an atheist what the actual fuck are you going on about"

Dad: "I-dah-hoe"
To Himself: "You-da-what?"

"Dad, I have something to tell you…"
"You're pregnant."
"…no?"
"You have aids."
"no??!??"
"You have super aids"
"No dad I'm gay and I have a girlfriend"
"Oh. That's boring."

Me, trying to keep my dad from taking my burger off my plate: No, stop, you can't-
Dad: Give me the burger, Dave!
Me: ..Wha - pause for laughter fit - What??
Then he just takes it, takes a bite, and throws it back on the plate.
I'm a girl, and apparently it was a reference to an old movie.

me, trying to watch a TV show: you let my brother watch it when he was younger than me
my father, dead serious: but you're different. it's violent. what about your feminine sensibilities?

My dad sings.

like so do you know that one commercial when they show the grandpas and grandmas singing about how they have a job?

Well my dad got the "Dropin' sick beats they call me DJ Nanna" part stuck in his head

and was singing it wronnnnggg.

Instead of 'they call me' he said 'like'.

ugghhhhh it was so annoying I corrected him. My sister was going haywire and he was using to annoy her.

then i was like

"It's they call me DJ Nanna."

my dad, screeching from the living room: YYEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
he offered absolutely no explanation when I went out there and asked him what happened