Deleted user
Quick summary: This is kind of a ranting post, so if you don't want to read all this, in short, I'm leaving notebook for about a month to focus more on myself and my Senior year of school. I'll come back once I get my priorities straight and I finally feel comfortable with where I am in life.
Some of you guys might not know me, so hello, I'm Jaymee. And what's the point of making this post of saying "goodbye" if the majority doesn't recognize me? It's so I can just get these thoughts off my chest and rant a bit. Also so I have witnesses to the fact that I am trying to stay off the forums of Notebook. If I have witnesses, there is a lower chance of me coming back to procrastinate.
I start my third week of school on Monday and I am about a week behind in my English and a few days behind in my Health and Spanish classes, due to neglect and lack of determination. This overwhelming feeling of an abundance of work has made me continue to procrastinate and hide away from this ever growing mountain of work. And on top of that, my eating habits have been unhealthy and resulting in constant fatigue and headaches. My work and relaxing ratio has been about 0:10, which has only made me feel worse about who I am and what I have been doing this past month. Overall, my life has become a chaotic mess of stress.
I also have been doing a lot of browsing on social medias which has made my self-confidence plummet further down until my depression has begun to return. I just really do not want to go back to hating myself when I finally got comfortable in my own skin. It's really made me realize that I need to change and fix who I am and my extremely unhealthy schedule.
Everyday I have panic attacks from the tower of work which needs to be done, which only exhausts me further and makes me want to lay in bed and watch Tik Toks and YouTube until I have swim practice in the afternoon, but by then I have zero energy and I overwork myself to the point of almost passing out (also due to the fact that I don't get nearly enough nutrition and water). This has been happening over the course of about approximately a month and it's only gotten worse. Only today I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life and I realized that I just need to get my shit together.
And on that note! I'm going to say a temporary "goodbye" to all of you lovely people on nb. Ya'll have been super sweet and welcoming and I can't wait to come back and interact with you guys again. I just need to take a break and get myself back on the right track. I'll be fine and feeling better in about a month. :)
Goodbye for now! ❤
