I never thought I would be in a situation like this; I guess no one ever does. My arms are shackled to the wall behind me while my legs are bound together with coarse rope. The blood pooling around my legs has already completely soaked my jeans. The worst thing is that the crimson liquid staining my skin does not even belong to me, it belongs to my parents. When I get out of here, if I ever get out of here, these jeans will be the first things to go. The sound of a jarred door refusing to open shakes me from my thoughts. A tall figure stands in the doorway, a brittle smile etched into their face.
Walking toward me she snarls, “I know you’re awake.”
Refusing to look up, I keep my eyes steadily on my tied legs; evidently not satisfied with my choice my captor slams a right hook into my jaw.
“Go to Hell,” I spit, blood already filling my mouth.
‘Tsking’ she grabs my face, “Didn’t Daddy teach you any better? He would be so mad … too bad he’s dead.”
Instinctively my eyes travel over to the corpse of my father, my breath catching in my raw throat, a small whimper escaping my lips. What did I do to deserve this? Why us? Why them? My father’s eyes are wide open with his arms stretched out towards my mother’s lifeless body. Returning my attention back to the person in front of me I see that their other hand is no longer empty, in her clenched hand I see the gleaming blade of a kitchen knife. Their hand moves upwards to now cover my mouth.
Growling, she inches the blade closer towards me, “You better stay quiet, bitch.”
The sharp tip of the blade easily cuts through my sweater making direct contact with the flesh of my stomach.
One cut.
I clench my teeth as the blade cuts the flesh of my stomach like a hot knife through butter.
Two cuts.
Warm blood spills over my taut stomach, staining my ghostly skin crimson.
Three cuts.
A scream of agony escapes my lips. It feels as if tongues of fire are licking at my dripping wound.
Four cuts.
The knife is dropped with an echoing thud. “I hate you,” I pant, my breaths now shallow. With a final kick to my stomach she begins to leave the room. Just before leaving she turns around back around to face me before saying, “Lucky for you the feeling’s mutual.”
It has been read. Also, great work! I like all the non-cliche descriptions you put in place.
You've posted this several times at different editing stages, right? I believe I critiqued one a while back (or maybe I didn't, I may have just read through it and not posted because I'm forgetful), and I will just say that the passage has improved a lot. Keep up the good work!
Also, if you don't mind sharing, what kind of story is it that you're writing, and what's the context around this scene?
You've posted this several times at different editing stages, right? I believe I critiqued one a while back (or maybe I didn't, I may have just read through it and not posted because I'm forgetful), and I will just say that the passage has improved a lot. Keep up the good work!
Also, if you don't mind sharing, what kind of story is it that you're writing, and what's the context around this scene?
Yeah, I've posted this before but I've been working really hard on it and wanted to see what people now thought after the other improvements. This story basically follows a girl (lee) through re-building her life after the murder of her parents. She is faced with many challenges ranging from her own thoughts to having to face the murderer.
^ thats kinda just the skeleton of the story. Relationships (both platonic and romantic) are also being threaded into the story and theres other hurdles.
Oh, that's actually a really cool concept. Here I was, thinking it was going to lead into something like her parents were part of a secret organization and their death is her call to action (kind of used a lot, which is why I expected it I guess), but your idea is a lot more unique. I like it.
This is really good! I would add more commas, but other than that, I am already hooked!
SWWWEEEEEEEETTT. I’m trying to think of a prologue to my main antagonist, but I think I might just skip it for now because beginning a story always seems to be the hardest.
This is really good! I would add more commas, but other than that, I am already hooked!
If you would like I could notify you when I publish the next chap (#wattpadfam)
SWWWEEEEEEEETTT. I’m trying to think of a prologue to my main antagonist, but I think I might just skip it for now because beginning a story always seems to be the hardest.
I'm sure whatever you write will be amazing!
Ok, I'm hooked. I came on here to hopefully find something to read to get me out of my writing stump, but I wasn't expecting any thing good. You have a wattpad, right? What is it? I'd love to read more of this!
Ok, I'm hooked. I came on here to hopefully find something to read to get me out of my writing stump, but I wasn't expecting any thing good. You have a wattpad, right? What is it? I'd love to read more of this!
Yeah I do! I'm yet to post it but I will be doing so soon! My account is roseee174
Thanks so much! I'll be sure to read it.
It's a platform for writers. Just look up Wattpad.com
oh good! I've been trying to find a good writing site for a while now. =)
I think that is amazing, I'm already hooked! I ca't wait to see the next chapter!
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