forum Okay. I'm Sorry.

Started January 12, 2019 by @Shuri-the-Floof-Doggo

tune

I had two things of applesauce and mashed potatoes.

Usually, though, I skip breakfast.

Today my breakfast was a bunch of random stuff and COFFEE!!!!!!!
But also sausages wrapped in fake cheese.

I had hot cocoa for breakfast because the bagged donuts we were supposed to have taste like rubber

This is one of those few times in my life where I'm going to go into depth talking about my own emotions to people on the Internet. Not because I'm incredibly angry, but more because everyone else seems angry and I feel like I should be. I just. I'm not. I'm looking inside trying to find anger? But it was more like a split second of disappointment and then immediate forgiveness. I mean, honestly I want to get mad. You told me something in confidence, and I told you up front that whatever people tell me, I take them at that. That should make me angry that you went ahead and lied to me, in confidence, anyway. After I mentioned to you days before that I had trigger issues involving my friends dying, which maybe you forgot but is something I tend to remember about people when they tell me. I forgive much too easily for the sake of my own heart when it comes down to it. And this isn't to say I have no negative feelings, but it's not anger. It's not any volatile emotion. Not anything that can be directed towards you. It's the negative emotion I always feel. That dirty, sinking feeling that seeps deep inside my bones until my heart feels like it's deflating. I don't even know what emotion that is but I feel it much too often and I wish so much it could be replaced by a thing like anger thats tangible and directable and pointable. But I forgave you before I even had a say in it, so you don't have to worry about making me mad, Shuri.

I see. I did forget about those trigger issues and for that I'm deeply sorry, by the end of this week I'm gonna have those issues too, if I don't already. You gave me your trust, and I betrayed you, and obviously that's not OK. I see that. I apologize for how I made you feel, if you're willing to accept my apology.
I do realize I hsve massively screwed up.

Thank you, and of course I accept your apology. You did, but screwing up is okay as long as you learn from it. We all screw up at times, and I'd rather you learn a lesson than just start beating yourself up.

I think the reason I forgave you so quickly is because I know what you’re going through, I have said some really stupid things and I’m pretty sure a lot of people hate me now. I know what I’m saying as I say it, and I know better than to say that, but it just flies out of my mouth anyway, and then I always end up crying, alone, in my room, hoping that someone will forgive me. Most of the time they do, but that doesn’t stop me crying myself to sleep over it. And then you’d think I’d learn, but it happens again the next day or the next week. it never stops, and so I’m guessing that’s what happened to you, and I’m trying to react the way I wish people would react when I say those stupid things. What I’m trying to say is, I can relate. I know you regret what you said, and I forgive you completely. You’re still one of my precious siblings in this Notebook family and I love you so much.

Thank you guys…