forum Let me vent, just... I need to vent about some stuff... I need help...

Started August 06, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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I'm so tired, my health isn't improving and I don't seem to get over my anxiety or depression, I'm not even sure if it is any of those two anymore, if I'm making things up or not. grandpa's been driving me crazy, he keeps acting weird, he targets my mom, saying she is putting poison on his food, bringing dangerous men to our house, trying to kill him, hurting him, SHE IS DOING NONE OF THAT, my mom is only trying to take care of him until he dies, he's very sick and we don't know how much time he has left, we said that years ago and he's still alive but he's been getting worse and worse by day, he struggles to even recognize us.

Grandpa refuses to eat and for more than a year there are moments when he manages to find a gun and say he's gonna kill himself, HE DID THAT YESTERDAY, he kept a gun on his hand for about an hour, luckily it had no bullets, I cant't deal with this, my health never improves and is because of him.

I feel so guilty, specially after he has taken care of me more than my dad did, an since he is so sick, but at the same time, everything he does, even if my mom is the target, end up affecting me in a way or another, most of the time I, A 17 Y/O have to be the adult and break their fights, he doesn't let us sleep, today he woke us up early in the morning just to get mad at us because he was SURE that we were doing something bad, he had even come to the point of watching me when I sleep.

There is no day that goes by without me having an anxiety attack because of him, is been this way for a really long time and it never stops, I can't take it anymore!

It hurts, it just hurts, to feel mad, to be angry at him, I know his sickness is making his mind be that way, but I can't help it, I need to improve, I need to get better, I don't want to spend my whole life with pain caused by my anxiety because I couldn't handle this, my back always hurt, so do my shoulders and lower abdomen, I cry all the time, my head hurts at times, I even struggle to breath properly at moments, I'm sick of having anxiety attacks all day, this needs to stop

Big yikes. I'm not an expert by any means, but I'd talk to your therapist if you have one or call or email his doctor's office and tell them about everything happening because it sounds like there's something funky happening in his head (I hope me putting it that way doesn't offend you or anything). The doctor can talk to him or send him to someone to figure out what's up.
Also. None of this is your fault, please don't beat yourself up over it. The venting chat is always open for you and I don't know you well at all, but my PMs are open too if you want to talk

I miss my grandma, she made me feel better about everything, she protected me from all of his… antics… I just remembered this year things he had done, I had only the good memories of him buying me plushies and defending me from anything, but now I also remember when he used to chase me with a belt and I had to hit behind my mother and grandma, they holded pillows and shielded me, they recieved all the punches for me, I feel so ungrateful after all they did for me, I miss her so much, and my mom has come out with the trut multiple times, on how he humilliated grandma, how he would hurt her, how he would hurt his own children, that he is the reason my parents never got together, that he is the reason my mom wasn't allowed to have a life outside taking care of him.

I used to look up at him, but now, I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to do.

Big yikes. I'm not an expert by any means, but I'd talk to your therapist if you have one or call or email his doctor's office and tell them about everything happening because it sounds like there's something funky happening in his head (I hope me putting it that way doesn't offend you or anything). The doctor can talk to him or send him to someone to figure out what's up.
Also. None of this is your fault, please don't beat yourself up over it. The venting chat is always open for you and I don't know you well at all, but my PMs are open too if you want to talk

Thanks, I really needed the reassurance… I'll see what we can do, he refuses to go to a doctor, any kind of doctor

Hey kiddo. I'll try to help. What does your grandfather have? Because that sounds like my grandfather. He lives 5 hours away tho, so he really can't get to me. But I'll try to help you. If you need someone to chat to, or vent to, PM me. I'll be there.

Hi, I don't know how I can help but I'm here to support you. It sounds like you're in a bad situation, maybe you should stay at the house of someone you trust until things calm down? I did a lot of couch surfing in my teens and sometimes you just… need that I guess? Don't trust strangers tho. But also if that's a terrible idea for you then I recommend voicing your concerns to your mom, she seems trustworthy from what I gather? Maybe call a crisis hotline.

Idk, I'm sorry if none of this is any use. We (me and the fam) had to take care of my grandfather too and it was a rough time for everyone.

You should probably sell your guns if at all possible and lock up any dangerous objects. I know that's obvious but I stare the obvious a lot so. Sorry.

We talked about staying with my uncle, though it's kinda difficult because of the lockdown, we tried to hide the gun, I suggested my mom to burry it somewhere, since grandpa no longer has the strenght to grab a shovel and use it. She refuses to do so but I'm still trying to convince her.

I been trying to contact a hotline though most don't work on my country other than Samaritans, which I can only email for the time being.

Thanks, it helps to read your advice.

Wait what country do you live in?
And don't bury the gun. People and police alike who find a buried weapon associate it with a crime. The best option is to take the clip out, empty it, empty the gun chamber, and hide the ammunition. An empty gun can be held and waved, but it won't hurt anyone. And it takes one less thing for your grandfather to be angry about. Also, start using essential oils. The best kinds for relaxation and de-stress are Bergamot orange, Chamomile, Clary sage, Lavender, Lemon, Neroli, Rose, and Ylang Ylang. Please look into it. It could really help.

I live in El Salvador, there aren't many resources about mental health as far as I know, and thanks for telling me, the police here doesn't do much but thanks, you saved me from possible trouble.

No problem. I'll try to help with anything else you need help with!