forum Ignore

Started February 07, 2018 by @remarkab.le

tune

Love ya too Shuri. I'm gonna go to bed for the night. I need some form of rest…

See ya tomorrow

At the church camp I'm going to, phones are taken away, and there's no internet out there (and I don't have dataaa). If you're spotted with one you're put in serious trouble and humiliated.
I'm glad you can have your phone to calm down and that the camp isn't as insane as mine. I'm also very sorry for your loss.

Today was freaking terrible… I broke down again, and Elias and I had a massive argument and we aren't talking right now, oh god we were so close to calling it quits… It was terrible. He hasn't answered my texts, or my calls, it was my fault I asked a question about his dad that shouldn't have been asked, and he blew up, and he stopped talking to me, and I'm legit crying, typing this because my day was really bad… AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Is it normal to feel terrible after you yelled at certain people? I feel so bad… I regret everything that I said… God I feel awful… I broke him…

Oh my gods Winty that's awful, I'm so sorry hugs

It's normal, don't worry. And regret is a good thing. It means you're not heartless.
I hope you guys can talk it out and be okay again.

I don't know… We have literally been 2 feet apart, and he looked at me, made his face which is like dissapointment and crushing sadness, and dropped his head, and walked away. I broke him Ravens. I freaking broke him. I took shots at him for his memory, and I took shots at his dead beat dad, and I feel awful… And he's broken

I don't know what to do… I've done everything I know to do, but nothing has worked.

I don't know how to help and I wish I did…

I'm so sorry.
I'll be praying for you two.

Winty we're here for you.
I truly, really hope everything goes better for you. I'll be here to talk to if you want

I'm so frustrated. My world has crashed and burned to ashes before my eyes. And now the only person who comforted me, is broken, and he's not answering when I need him the most….

I'm gonna go for the night/day? I just don't even know anymore… I need time to think…

Shuri's right, we're here for you. I'm here.

Night <3 <3

Alright, Winty, we love you

It's better right now. We spoke, but it was pretty icy… But it was better, and I told him that I was sorry again, and I went and played camp softball, and he watched and held my phone. After I finished playing, he handed me my phone again, and we walked, wordlessly, and then I said thank you, and he looked at me with such a confused look. Then I told him how much it meant to me for watching me play. Granted it wasn't the standard I play too, but still, he watched, and it made me happy. He smiled, and said your welcome and he showed more of his playful side. We still haven't had a Winter and Elias conversation, but We are making progress I guess…

I'm glad to hear it

He still hasn't responded to anything I send to him though. Just laying off of that though.

I'm glad it's better, even if it's only a little

Yeah me too. I mean tonight was a break through moment, and I cried and did something that made him freak, and he kept asking questions about what happened to me. I answered them honestly, and he still seemed concerned about me. Later ish I guess we sat down, and some ice broke and he reached for my hand, and we held hands for like less than a minute, but it was enough to let us each know that we are still there for each other. Progress.

The thing that freaked him out is that I'm a church of God person, so we believe that the holy spirit falls on people, and they are moved so deeply that they start speaking in tongues, which is basically a language that no one knows, except for God himself. It happened to me, and I was border line passing out because there was so much God in the room, and he was wide eyed and confused, and he was shaking because it scared him so bad. Later on, I tried to explain the whole concept of the specific denomination of faith that I have…. Soooooooo…… Yeah.

That's a truly fantastic experience! I'm glad for you!

Yeah. It's real weird. I can only explain it as you feel tingly all over, and you feel so happy and full of life, and then when you start speaking in a language that you don't know, and no one else knows, and it comes as second nature, and you only know that it has to be God, because who else could it be? It's amazing and when it's over with, you just can't stop smiling, and you have a different air about you, and it's soothing to be near someone who has experienced God like that… All I can say is that it is the best feeling in the universe… To know that you are loved beyond measure, and that your faults don't matter, is amazing and I can't humanly fathom the entire concept… It's just wonderful.

It sounds absolutely wonderful…

winty that's awesome!!

It is. Oh, things have smoothed over with me and Elias. We actually laughed together, and I did a thing that makes him giggle because he's ticklish… I call it 'Lias abuse, and I just tickle him at the most awkward times. Like we were in line to get lunch, and I did my Winter thing. I got close to him like I was gonna nuzzle? Into his shoulder, and I hit one spot where he is extremely ticklish, and he jerked his hands up, and put them around my hands, and looked me dead in the eyes, and said, "God I hate it when you do that…" And the he smiled, and looked around for counselors, and hugged me, and kissed my cheek. (The people in line with us lost their freaking minds when he did that…) So things are still awkward, but getting better. Elinter is coming around again…