forum I need help. Questioning my gender-identity and sexuality in a strict household and

Started September 19, 2018 by @Elder-God-Whisper work

tune

Help. Please. I’m lost.

im here if you want to rant
im genderfluid

I know how you feel (kinda.) I'm out to my immidiate family and they're all okay I suppose, but I am absolutley terrified of coming out to freinds and the general public. Just know you're not alone!!!

Oh thank the gods for you two. So, the situation is I don’t feel comfortable being labeled as a girl, but my parents are…. religious, to say the least. Not very accepting. (My mother told me I shouldn’t consider anyone transgender my friend,But, I don’t want to be transgender, because I do like some of my female traits. (Not physical features. I hate how I look as a girl.) And I have no idea whether I should even do what I really want to do and become gender fluid/non binary when I move out because my family will shun me for life. Also, I don’t know if I identify as non-binary or gender-fluid. I’m gonna crack with this.

first of all, don't worry if you don't have everything figured out. Seriously. it can take years. Believe me! (if you ask me, gender can be a little harder than sexuality to figure out, but that might just be my weird self)

No, that might actually make sense. sighs I have one friend (sort of) who’s supposedly transgender, but I never got the courage to ask about it, because I know some people can be a sensitive about it. And now another girl told me that I should try not to be gender-fluid/non-binary because they aren’t as accepted as transgender.

And I have no idea whether I should even do what I really want to do and become gender fluid/non binary when I move out because my family will shun me for life. Also, I don’t know if I identify as non-binary or gender-fluid. I’m gonna crack with this.

Are you moving out any time in the near future? If it's still a long way away, a lot of things could change between now and then. I agree with @moonlight-viligante - you don't have to have everything figured out, especially if you haven't even reached adulthood yet.

Eh. Two years, I move out. I generally just hate my family, and they don’t really like me either. Ever since my older half-brother got himself stuck in freakin jail, (TWICE!!) my parents have been even more crushing with rules and things. (Might I might add that I’m only allowed to wear skirts and whenever I wear a baseball cap, my mom tells me it’s “men’s clothes” and makes me take it off.)

It sounds like your parents are pretty strict and worried about you going 'off the rails', which must make life really hard for you. I have a few friends who got in trouble with family for wearing jeans (like, normal, modest jeans) - some people's idea of what a girl should do/be are really messed up. You mentioned that you do like some of your female traits - is it more that you're uncomfortable with your parents' (or society's, I guess) ideas/beliefs about femininity (as it sounds like they're forcing them on you)?

Ugh, I feel for you. My best advice would be to find some way to express yourself, or even a community where you can be yourself. (if you can, make another soicial media account, and make online friends! As long as ur cafeful, they can be really great)

Yes. I feel pressured by my parents to be, “the perfect, modest, pretty princess”. My mom buys me over sized shirts, and I bought myself a shirt once that actually fit me, and she went on a rant about how boys would look at me, and that I shouldn’t want that kind of attention, etc. etc. When in reality, I just want to feel comfortable with myself. She’s always nitpicking about how, “You’re wearing boy’s clothes(aka: baseball caps, t-shirts, and hoodies with “male” decorations on it) you’re a girl. Or do you want me to give you a buzz cut like I do with your father/brother? Is that what you want?” So yeah. I feel more male oriented, but I still enjoy doing things that “girls” do (knitting, sewing, reading a little fan-fiction romance). Plus, I like creepypasta, and my mom found a drawing I made of Slenderman, and she goes on a rant, actually she constantly goes on a rant about how I’m on the road to hell. I feel so confused, I’m sorry. And good luck moonlight. If you ever need to talk, we’re all here.

Also, I’m technically not allowed to have social media accounts m. I’m literally sneaking onto this and Pinterest because I needed a happy place. If my parents found out I have an account on this, my mom would beat me. Sorry for the ranting guys. If I ever get too annoying, just tell me to shut up.

first of all, you aren't annoying. and even if you were, i dont think anyone would tell you to shut up. So dont worry! Do you have any friends you could talk to about stuff like that or nah?

No. None of them would really get it. In fact, I have this one friend (whom I love to death, don’t get me wrong) But is constantly making me feel like she’s shoving God and prayers down my throat. Lol. She’s so sweet though, that I can’t really beat to tell her I’m not really comfortable with her doing that, ‘cause it’d get to some really awkward questions. So I just roll with it.

my friend is bi but a bit genderqueeraphobic?
is that a thing?

Ugh, I'm really sorry that you have to deal with these messed-up gender stereotypes from your parents. They probably think that they're protecting you and don't realise how much they're forcing you into their own mold. I'm sure you know this, but let me reinforce it: being a girl doesn't mean never touching anything traditionally associated with guys (and vice versa for being a guy). I wish your parents understood that, for your sake.

Thank you, Riorlyne. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that.

my friend is bi but a bit genderqueeraphobic?
is that a thing?

Didn’t realize that it was. Huh. Never really would have thought about that.

On a slightly more light-hearted note, in Bible times it is likely that nobody wore trousers. :P Is Moses in girl's clothing here? It's totally a dress, right? :P (Side note that I don't recommend pointing this out to your parents if you know they won't see the irony of it.)

Yes. I feel pressured by my parents to be, “the perfect, modest, pretty princess”. My mom buys me over sized shirts, and I bought myself a shirt once that actually fit me, and she went on a rant about how boys would look at me, and that I shouldn’t want that kind of attention, etc. etc. When in reality, I just want to feel comfortable with myself. She’s always nitpicking about how, “You’re wearing boy’s clothes(aka: baseball caps, t-shirts, and hoodies with “male” decorations on it) you’re a girl. Or do you want me to give you a buzz cut like I do with your father/brother? Is that what you want?” So yeah. I feel more male oriented, but I still enjoy doing things that “girls” do (knitting, sewing, reading a little fan-fiction romance). Plus, I like creepypasta, and my mom found a drawing I made of Slenderman, and she goes on a rant, actually she constantly goes on a rant about how I’m on the road to hell. I feel so confused, I’m sorry. And good luck moonlight. If you ever need to talk, we’re all here.

You could be demi? Ish? Like, you feel an affinity towards a certain gender, I dunno. Also, if you're confused, then welcome to my life. Can't tell if I'm bi or omnisexual. Don't worry, I'm here for you! Feel free to discuss whatever you want!

Nah, my little siblings have asked this. Apparently the styles were different and women covered their hair (which my freakin mother does. I get so many freakin comments about me being “Amish” because I wear a skirt. I try not to punch them and go cry in a corner. Lol.) The women’s clothes were much, much more concealing than the men’s and I can just sit here and feel sad at how much heat they must have felt in the summer! It’s a wonder most of them didn’t get heat stroke!

Apparently the styles were different and women covered their hair.

I was trying to point out that culture changes over time. :) What once was considered 'men's' clothing may be considered gender neutral or even feminine in a different time or place (like the colour pink or heels on shoes). In our Western world, you'd be hard-pressed to find someone call a glittery pink t-shirt a piece of clothing for guys, even though it is a t-shirt.

It’s a wonder most of them didn’t get heat stroke!

I'm gonna give my thoughts on this - I grew up in a tropical country which was sometimes oppressively hot, and if you're wearing loose clothes made of light-coloured natural fibers (natural is the key thing here) that cover up your skin so the sun can't burn it, it's actually cooler than stripping down. Of course, if it's so hot that being in the shade in a bathing suit is still super hot, there's not much one can wear to keep cool.

Interesting. Thank you for those thoughts!

I mean I'm straight and sound gender-wise, but whatever you need it's good bruh.

I mean, I'm straight, and asexual, and I haven't told my friends, although 12 year olds should be asexual anyway.