A place for the lonely, the depressed, the suicidal, and the self-harmful.
If there is anything you need to get off of your chest, I will listen. If you need to vent or express strong emotion, I will listen. If you're anything like me and match all the above descriptions, speaking here will help.
As long as you know you can vent here too.
Me?
Of course
Like you said, speaking here will help.
Well, my soul died three years ago. I moved to Georgia from my comfortable home in Florida. I lost my friends, lots of family, and my life. I was always the "smart kid" who people asked when they had a question at school. Then I moved. I realized that I'm not the smart one, that there's always someone smarter than me. My grades dropped from lifetime "A"s to "B"s. My self-esteem fell through the floor and kept going.
Then last year, I made friends with someone I will never forget. Then we got split up. We now attend different high schools and we barely keep in touch. Without her, I was lost. I started listening to metal music and began feeling feelings that I never thought only existed in the most hardcore emos.
It wasn't until a few weeks ago that something drastic happened. I couldn't take life anymore. I was sick of the emptiness within and the grey every day presents.
I put a gun to my head.
I closed my eyes…
And I cried.
I remembered my siblings, my parents, and my precious friend. My shining light. All flashing in my mind simultaneously. I texted her that night and told her what happened. She has helped me since, but not enough. Yesterday I cut an "N" into my arm, and planned to scrawl "No help" into my skin.
I'm on the edge again. God save me.
You will always have help.
Please don’t give into that feeling of dread and despair. Please don’t listen to that voice that keeps saying all the negative things. The one that says it’s not worth it. The one that says that you’re not enough. The one that says that death is easier. The one that causes the worst pain. These are all lies. It tells lies and will always push you to death. You are worth too much for these lies. You don’t deserve that. You are worth so much to so many people. I may not know everything you go through or how much you feel, but people love you. I care about you and your life.
Tell someone else what you told me. I’m sure someone is willing to help if you just ask. I pray you have the courage to finish this battle.
Listen to the voice that tells the truth. The one that says kind things.
Thank you for this. I just feel like I'm walking on a path of failure though. I don't see a future worth living. I won't kill myself, but I'm afraid of hurting other people with my cold shoulder or bursts of outrage. I have tried to tell my mother how I feel and she said I was just being "dramatic". Little did she know, the happy little boy she raised bearing my name has died. Instead she has to deal with a 15 year old monster who wears a plastic smile because they can't let the world see who they are.
If she won’t listen, find someone else. Or sit down with her and address the problem. We all keep our masks, but no one can help us if they can’t see what’s wrong. And you aren’t a monster. You are a human.
May I ask why you started this thread?
The only other person who I can talk to in person attends a different school. Neither of us can drive yet.
I will find my zen eventually.
I'm going to go cry in the woods for a while, so I may not respond within that amount of time.
I started this thread because I'm going through a lot of stuff right now, and so I hoped that I would be able to help others who suffer in ways similar to me.
Be safe!