forum help! with romance!

Started January 15, 2018 by Cheri

tune

How should I go about writing a "love at first sight" scene? I'm struggling writing the possible love interest

Try doing it from both of their points of view, so the reader can tell how they see each other and what they're thinking when they first meet. To add more depth, try describing eyes significantly with describing how they look, ex. "My palms felt instantly sweaty. He was perfect, his neatly styled deep brown hair and his bright blue eyes that have so many shades you could stare forever, but so much life and bright energy that they could light up even the darkest moments just by shining". But it's up to you as I'm an amateur writer and I'm not sure in what style you're writing. Hope this helped!

That is a huge help, I've never been good with scenes like this thank you so much for your advice!

That is a huge help, I've never been good with scenes like this thank you so much for your advice!

Glad I could help!

I second @sophie on focusing on descriptions surrounding a strong attraction, rather than a declaration of immediate love.

I've been quite fortunate to have experienced such a thing, which is dizzying when there's been no real prior "I've gotten to know them" foundation for the feelings. It was completely a physical response, largely unconscious, the body simply being aware that all of the correct checkboxes were being checked and sending up all of the banners and fireworks and klaxons…and the brain blearily sitting up in bed and looking out the window and trying to catch up to what the heck was going on at this hour.

As such, an interesting effect was the internal struggle of REALLY being into the person, while simultaneously consciously denying just how much I was feeling. Initially it was a feeling like nearly tripping and then trying to regain your footing and reclaim face after stumbling awkwardly in front of a crowd. ("No no, I'm fine, thank you, no, I can pick all that up myself, you don't have to, okay, um, thank you, that's very kind, no no, I'm quite alright, thank you, yes, no, I don't need anything, thank you, everybodypleasejustgoawayandpretendnoonesawthis….") I kept finding ways to downplay my emotions or trying to find faults in them, me, or how everything was coming about. As I spent more time around the person, even though it seemed like they were at the very least interested in me as a friend, I wasn't always comfortable. I questioned if I was rushing into emotions that might not be reciprocated on that level. I didn't want to be hurt, so I pulled a bit into myself around that person rather than be vulnerable.

Also, if something they did or said made me suspect at the slightest that they might not feel the same way as I did, I tended to act like I was less interested than I actually was! …and then of course felt a bit anxious fretting that I had pushed them away! Even doing things that revealed a little of how I felt could make me anxious, as I worried if I were coming on too strong. It was honestly quite a bit stressful until I finally gave in! And still a bit stressful until I realized they also felt the same way. Then everything FINALLY felt natural and comfortable and came together quite quickly, and we've been happy since. (Though, there's a certain amount of navigation after, as you work through feeling utterly in love with the person and still a bit eye-rolling at the quirks you slowly uncover through extended life with the person.)

Hope that helps!

That is a lot of help! It's nice to have someones personal experience to help me understand! Thank you!

It's also worth noting that just because one person feels a "love at first sight" reaction, it doesn't mean the other person will have the same response. At best they might be friendly but distanced; at worst, they might use it to their advantage to manipulate or exploit the person. (Consider the lovebombing techniques of narcissists.)

Additionally, just because two people have the LaFS response, doesn't mean it will stick. Sometimes those feelings fade as they actually begin to know the person, or as their personal directions, values, or goals conflict. ("They were everything I wanted, but they wanted kids, and I didn't. I really tried to make it work, but we both became miserable trying to lie to ourselves. They really wanted that experience, but I realized I was never going to 'change my mind' about having kids.") Such partings can be painful (and in their own way, fun to write), but sometimes ultimately healthier and leads to more nuanced character relationships and dynamics; they might realize they do still love the person, but it's become a more platonic love. ("We're best friends now, and I'm so happy they found someone, I adore the family they started! Of course, it's nice coming home to my dog afterwards laughs and lifts wine glass.") [Note: this isn't even going into polyamorous relationships, but just thinking about it from a monogamous perspective.]

Also, depending on the type of story you're writing…this kind of "the honeymoon is over" fade is actually pretty common when relationships start within crisis situations. People are drawn together and united together by a common hardship, struggle, cause, or other intense factor that effectively simplifies and focuses life: an alien invasion, being compatriots in a war, a disaster, a personal crisis where one person is providing emotional support, etc. Once the hardship is over, things change: the killer instincts that protected you from zombies becomes pent up energy and aggressive outbursts as they don't know how to deal with work frustrations or minor arguments in healthy ways; you don't have to worry about bombs or snipers any more, but the PTSD that sees potential threats everywhere is worse; they really rose to the occasion when the wave hit, but it doesn't wash away just how filthy they are domestically now that things are back to normal; you love them and were glad you could help them get past their terrible situation, but now it just feels like they don't need you anymore…feeling undervalued, you turn elsewhere for validation and to feel needed, creating even more distance.

Those things don't necessarily mean the end of a relationship, but they do change the way the relationship operates and what it provides the characters. As insight, my parents are perfect examples of the wartime romance: special forces fell for their extraction specialist in the steamy, dangerous jungles of Central America. Once they retired, their marriage changed A LOT; a common refrain they vocalized was that they were strong in the struggle but had no clue how to have a peacetime relationship. It was a lot of fights, power dynamics, feelings of being undervalued, and restlessness. They stayed married, but eventually chose civilian lines of work that had them both away for months at a time; it's probably the only thing that actually saved their marriage until they managed to know each other better and develop routines.

Glad this can be helpful, hope this additional information is too.

Make it cute like she TOTALLY loves him but he's so infuriatingly clueless

don't make it love at first sight. make it lust at first sight, or something really shallow. you can't love someone from the moment you see them without some really good reason, which i doubt you'd be able to incorporate if this kind of scene troubles you. not to be a dick, just it'd take a lot of character development to make that make sense and it's a lot easier to do wrong. so make it like your mc thinks the other person is really attractive and wants to get to know them, and make the love build as they spend more time with each other.

I'm going to have to agree with @nekh on this one. There's no such thing as love at first sight, and if there is, tell me where to find it! XD Anyway, it's more realistic to have one like the other and the other hate the first person. Then, have them gradually fall in love. It's much more believable, and it makes for a better and more tension-filled story.

i mean it's possible, but near improbable and like i said there would have to be really specific reasons for that and it wouldn't happen the same instant you saw them. maybe some time during the same day you first met them, but not the same instant.