(hey- you alright there?)
hey there-
this might be kinda awkward
but i also might not send it to you,
so who cares at this point?
i forgive you
not because you apologised or anything
not because we talked it out or anything like that
but because i simply feel that my soul needs a break
it can't handle being angry at people for so long
it can only take feelings of intense anger for awhile
so i forgive you
because my soul needs a break.
you know,
that day
when i found out
i was devastated
heartbroken
angry
i felt betrayed
and this picture right about now (i'm transcripting it) pretty much summed up my feelings that day:
I wish that I had
never met you
Then there would be no need to impress you
No need to want you. No need for loving you
No need for crying over you. No need for
heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No
need for forgotten promises. No need for
rejected hugs. No need for crying myself
to sleep. No need for acting like you care.
No need, for everything you've done to
make me feel like absolutely nothing.
sometimes i wonder if i'm even good enough
as a teenager nearing adulthood, it's become a very prominent thought in my mind
as my friends start to get boyfriends and girlfriends, it makes me feel more lonely
i just want the relationship
someone who can hold me when i'm down
someone who will be there no matter what
someone who will follow me through life even when my friends leave
i just want someone who can let me be me
more me than i am with my friends
and as i'm getting older, i feel less and less like that will happen
no one seems to take any interest in me
i feel uglier and uglier by the day because i'm never ever told i'm pretty
and a sincere pretty, not some general bullshit that you see on tik tok
the first boyfriend i ever had was never really my boyfriend
for like 6 months when i was 13, i was under the impression that we were dating
and then i find out from a mutual friend that that wasn't true, that i didn't pass his dad's test
i was fucking 13 and i still wasn't good enough then
i just feel so fucking useless
so fucking unloved
so fucking unwanted
so fucking lonely
and every day, i feel like i'm never ever gonna be happy
