@Low_Mein
Here it is, since you all can't stop badmouthing me and arguing over a bad thing I did
Earlier yesterday or whenever, I don't remember, I was calmly joining the Chat of Rudeness. It seemed like a fun place, where people had casual talk and could also randomly vent about life, because it's rough a lot of the time. Cruising through the pages, I respond a few times just to try to fit in and start conversation, and meet a few new people. A lovely and nice person, Emi, leaves a rude response to just a normal one of my replies. Said response had nothing to do with my reply, and was uncalled for. Knowing well that the chat was specifically for Rudeness, I put off the insult and thought nothing of it. I though hmm, I'll entertain it and be like yo fight me imma beat the trash outta u, just as a joke, y'know? And then a war broke out, we cursed at each other, bantered back and forth, I was blamed for entertaining a response that I did not know was just random and not actually directed at me, and I said a horrible thing. Having been dealing with a horrible weekend and astounding family trouble, I had been having explicit suicidal thoughts. My mind was consumed by circumstantial rage and I said that since I planned on killing myself, Emi could join me. I most definitely did not mean that awful statement. The insults on behalf of Emi began to flow in rapidly, I was angered severely by everyone siding with Emi in the moment, and while their responses were more or less justified, they were the worst things someone have told me on this site, and tops most other online interactions I've had with people who are toxic all of the time. I began to become more sad, and wanted to have friendly conversation with people I've seen on notebook before, and just kinda chilling, but the arguments followed me no matter what discussion I was in. Now, swimming in a nasty pile of regret and guilt, I am here, apologizing for what I did. Emi and everyone else, I love you guys and you did not deserve my horrible comments. Please recognize me for who I am, and not what I said. I do not want you to know me as that one kid. I do not want to leave a scar in the hearts of the people here. What I said was a figment of anger and definitely was not intentional or serious at all. I did not mean it. Please, please stop chasing me down and arguing with me and others about my bad deed. I may not think or act like you guys, I may not know what to talk about in the moment in order to fit in, and I definitely am not like any one of you. But I hope you all can find it deep down, that I am not a bad person, I just have had a rough time throughout my childhood and have been constantly working as hard as I can to rid myself of these horrible anger issues. Please, I didn't mean it. I regret what I said so much. I do not want anyone to die. I would never want that.
