forum Critique My Story? Be brutally honest please.
Started by Deleted user
tune

people_alt 1 follower

Deleted user

Some people dream of going to different worlds, escaping reality. But not me. Not after what happened.
I had been leaving my house for school when out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. The Maple tree in my backyard looked as though it were on fire. Burning and burning, flames licking the branches and leaves. The flames were blue and gray, and they completely engulfed the whole tree within a matter of seconds.
Obviously, I had just been hallucinating from a lack of sleep. It was a reasonable explanation, but somehow, I knew that wasn’t true. It felt too real. I could almost feel the heat of the flames blaring against my face, burning me along with the tree.
And then, as if I hadn’t been losing my mind before, it spoke.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. That’s not possible, it’s a tree, you’re out of your mind. I’ve heard it all before, trust me.
It called out in a hoarse sounding voice. The sound at first sounded like it was coming from the tree, but then it was all around me. Louder and louder. Filling my brain. It called my name, beckoning me to come closer.
And I did.
Little did I know this would be the worst decision of my life.

(Sorry if the format is weird, I copied it off docs)
This is only a very small chunk sooooo. It looks smaller than it is..sorry

@CWTurtleOfFreedom

I like it! The only thing I’d say is that you repeat yourself a few times, and there are a few instances where you have two unnecessary sentences instead of one good sentence.

Deleted user

Yeah…I'm not the best writer. But I'm trying. Do you have any suggestions on exactly where I can make it better?