Deleted user
So my friend is writing a KOTLC fanfiction, and included a mean girl character (Terra) in it. However, I think that Terra's a bit two-dimensional, and edited her a bit to make her a bit more morally grey without trying to hurt my friend's feelings (the friend is a really nice person and I don't want to make her feel bad!). Can you tell me what you think? Does Terra need a bit more character?
“Detention!” Sir Astin screamed as they walked in.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Terra Octavia smirking. “Great job, Vacker. Absolutely splendid.” Elora ignored her. Why did Terra have to be so snobbish?
Elora grumbled. “Remind me again to never take your ‘shortcut.’”
Keithan smirked. “Vacker, Vacker, Vacker, you really are a goody two shoes.”
Elora rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”
Lunch rolled around the corner as Elora sulked and Terra beamed. Elora grabbed her lunch and headed to Lady Belva’s.
Terra smirked, turning to Elora. “You know, I never thought that I would see you this broken. Finally, I see another side to you besides the fake smile that you constantly hide behind. What are you going to do now, Vacker-” Elora slammed her hands on the table, making everyone jump. Elora pulled her head up and faced Terra.
“I am so sick and tired of you acting like the queen of this place. I don’t know why you treat me like this at all! I’ve tried to be nice to you, and what have you shown me? Nothing. Nothing but your heartless bitterness. If you loved someone and they were taken, we would be in the same situation!” Elora said, raising her voice.
“Right now, I lost two of my siblings. I have no idea if they are dead or alive- and you treat me as if I will let this slide. This time, I can’t and I won’t shut my mouth. I can’t even look at you, because you make me feel sick,” Elora reached to grab her stuff. “Maybe if you showed a little love and compassion in your heart, I wouldn’t be like this, right now.”
Terra laughed harshly. “You really think you’re the only one? Drama queen. And I manifested as a Guster. What about you? Nothing. You’re just a talentless freak who skipped levels.”
“I am not talentless.” Elora said, glaring at her.
“Prove it.” Terra spat. Elora closed her eyes and teleported to the other side of the room and back, then ran outside.
“Coral, Terra, and Han are waiting for us. Here,” he said, throwing a t-shirt at her. “Put this on over your clothing.”
“Excuse me, did you just say Terra? She hates us. Plus, you still haven’t told me why you are doing this,” Elora said, catching up to him and matching his fast pace.
“Well, you haven’t been sitting with us for the past few months. Also, Terra is really nice. Give her a chance, she’s changed a lot.”
“I tried to give her a chance, and I’m sorry that I haven’t been sitting or talking to you for months; I’ve just been really busy.”
“Busy with your boyfriend,” Keithan muttered.
“I’m sorry, I just found someone who is going through the same thing as me. Teo lost his brother. He’s been there for me, way more than you! Teo isn’t petty and/or arrogant!”
“Then Teo is lying, because he didn’t lose anybody. Terra did. Her sister was taken as well. My dad was talking about why the siblings were taken. Apparently, my grandmother has something to do with it. They said that they were last tracked to the Lost Cities. I was hoping you can reach out to your brother or sister to see the last thing they saw.”
“Teo would never lie to me!”
“Would I ever lie to you?”
“I’m not so sure, but Teo would never lie.”
“Oh, so now Teo is replacing me!”
“No, he is not. He was just there for me,” Elora snapped.
“Guess what. I used to trust you so much, but now I think Terra is more trustworthy than a friend like you. I think she’s a better friend!” Keithan sneered.
“Your mother told me to come up here,” she said crossly. “For the record, it wasn’t my idea to be here. And shouldn’t you be with Terra, your new best friend?”
Keithan rolled his eyes. “Where is your boyfriend? Teo, right? I’m sure that he would be missing you right now, because you’re not with him.”
Elora laughed coldly. “Teo isn’t here, and I was surprised that Terra wasn’t behind the door. Maybe when she comes, I should leave and give you two ‘personal space’ because you definitely need that with your best friend.”
“She’s not my best friend,” Keithan retorted.
“Oh my, where are my manners? Girlfriend, right?” Elora spat out.
Something shook her out of her thoughts. “What’s going on? And what is she doing here?”
“I would ask you the same, Terra,” Elora growled.
Terra turned to Keithan, a hurt tone in her voice. “I thought you said it wouldn’t be here.”
“It has a name.” Coral snapped. “And if you can’t treat each other nicely, go walk it off. Terra, what is up with you? You were so nice at lunch.”
“Maybe it’s because I don’t want to work with it- I mean, Elora. Maybe I’m sick and tired of being pushed off to the side, while she always takes center stage.”
“I do not!” Elora protested.
Terra rolled her eyes. “Shut it, sweetie.”
“Terra, I think it’s time for you to go-” Keithan started, but then Elora interrupted him.
“You know what? I shouldn’t have come at all. I shouldn’t be putting up with you two-” Elora said, looking at both Keithan and Terra. “-each day. I’m going, so I hope you’re happy.”
“I’m going with Elora,” Coral said, walking out of the room.
“I will be assisting them,” Han said quietly.
“Han, wait-” Terra started to say, a look of guilt on her face. She reached a pleading hand towards Han, who promptly slapped it away.
“Wait? Wait? For what?! You are kind to us at lunch, and now, you’re behaving horribly towards Elora. You’re a two-faced person who has no respect for our best friend, and now you expect me to wait, when you’re being mean to our best friend. We don’t even know you that well!” Han ranted. Terra stepped back, turning away.
“You just drop in right after Elora leaves- and I’m not stupid. I see the way you are to her. I have eyes, you know! You and Keithan can have a fun time without us because Coral, Elora, and I can’t stand to be near you any longer.”
“Terra.” Keithan quietly said, turning her around to meet his eyes. “You should go, and I will be escorting you out. I need to make it up to my best friend.”