forum can someone read my prologue?

Started March 28, 2018 by Olivia

tune

(This prologue is suppose to kind of confuse the audience. Later in the book her background - this chapter - is revealed. She then further explains what happens e.g. how she got here, why her captor killed her parents etc.)

I never thought I would ever be in a situation like this; I guess no one ever does. My arms are shackled to the wall behind me while my legs are bound together with coarse rope. The blood pooling around my legs has already completely soaked my blue denim jeans. The worst thing is that the crimson liquid staining my skin does not even belong to me. When I get out of here, if I ever get out of here, these jeans will be the first things to go. The sound of a jarred door refusing to open shakes me from my thoughts. A tall figure stands in the doorway, a brittle smile etched into their face.
Walking toward me they snarl, “I know you’re awake”.
Refusing to look up, I keep my eyes steadily on my tied legs; evidently not satisfied with my choice my captor slams a right hook into my jaw.
“Go to Hell” I spit, blood already filling my mouth.
Tsking they grab my face, “Didn’t Daddy teach you any better? He would be so mad … too bad he’s dead”
Instinctively my eyes travel over to the corpse of my father. His eyes are wide open with his arms stretched out towards my mother’s lifeless body. Returning my attention back to the person in front of me I see that their other hand is no longer empty, in their clenched hand I see the gleaming blade of a kitchen knife. Their hand moves upwards to now cover my mouth.
Growling, they inch the blade closer towards me, “You better stay quiet, bitch.”
The sharp tip of the blade easily cuts through my cashmere sweater making direct contact with the flesh of my stomach.
One cut … two cuts … three cuts…four cuts.
By now my blood is trailing down my stomach, seeping through my once white sweater. The clattering of the knife onto the ground affirmed me that my torture was now finished.
“I hate you” I pant, exhausted from earlier torturing.
With a final kick to my stomach they begin to leave the room. Just before leaving they turn around back around to face me before saying, “Lucky for you the feeling’s mutual.”

Okay, I hope you're fine with constructive criticism. It's good, so don't get me wrong, I'm just trying to help.

1. Tsking and blooding aren't words
2. In some places you could've used commas, you didn't
3. It's a bit short for a first chapter
4. What on earth is going on? Try to explain why they're here and where they are exactly
5. "Speech marks always need to have punctuation at the end of it,"
6. Where'd they get the knife? It was kind of not there, then there. Maybe mention it at the start, like: I could see the knife he carries with him gleaming in a sheath… or something.
7. Punctuation goes before the close speech marks
8. Did she watch her father die, or where the people just like "Hey ho, your daddy's dead, here's his body!"?
9. Just more clarification

So that's it. Please don't be offended, I'm really just trying to help. Thanks.

I agree with all of the above ^^^
Especially clarity. It's important that your readers know what you're talking about, and it appears you're going for a lot of shock value in your work, which is fine, but only in moderation, and only if there's a little more explanation to what's happening. Also, just for future reference, because I assume this story is going to have a lot of blood and injuries, I advise you to make sure you research where someone is cut or injured so that it matches up with how quickly they die/if they die/how much it takes for them to recover to keep things real.
Good luck with your work!

I personally think that allowing the reader to be confused for the first chapter is perfectly acceptable AS LONG AS the puzzle pieces are put together throughout the next few chapters. In fact, I personally prefer that style of writing because it's cool to put everything together in your mind both as a reader and a writer.

However, I think your first chapter goes too fast. It's kind of like /event/event/event/event with no real reaction, emotion or description. You need to communicate the agony better. After being cut multiple times, one would not react, "I am exhausted from my earlier torture". Does that make sense?

I think you have a great start though, so keep working!