I'm broken.
Again.
I know it's the EXACT same repeat as all chats before and I must be really annoying you.
But I gotta rant.
A heart has been broken, a heart has been torn, would you fix it? Would you try? A life has been deemed worthless, a life has been thrown to the ground. Nobody listens, nobody hears, for if a tree has fallen in the forest and nobody hears it, has it really fallen? How far do grace and mercy go? How far would you walk, where would you stumble? When would you turn back because of the heavy weight? How do you feel about this? How do you feel, knowing that someone your never met has just written a paragraph of self-pity, when really she feels it as a weight being thrown off her shoulders? How much does this annoy you, hearing the same thing from the same annoying person again? Well, I'm sorry again. I'm sorry to have annoyed you, to have taken your time, to have been a waste of space. I'm sorry that my self-hate has become a part of me that doesn't want to let go. I'm sorry.
Deleted user
You can rant all you want. You have never annoyed me.
It's not annoying at all, if it makes you feel better go for it I'm sure no one else finds you annoying although I can't speak for others but everyone here seems so kind and supportive its just one big community and I'm sure nay one would be happy to listen to your rants
Hey. Natasha. Honey. Listen to me.
I've said it a thousand and one times and I'll say it again. You are not annoying me. Or anyone else on this site. I love you. We love you.
First, I'm going to address every single one of your questions.
Of course I'll try to fix a broken, torn, shattered heart. I've been there, I know what it feels like. It feels terrible and healing hurts and you keep reliving everything that broke your heart and it sucks. But it's even worse to keep cutting yourself on the sharp edges where your heart broke. So of course I'll try to fix it.
Your life has not been deemed worthless. The only one who has that power is God. And He would never do that. You are His daughter and He loves you and He has given you His only Begotten Son, so that you may be healed and so that you may return to Him. For remember, the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.
Of course the tree has fallen. It knows it has. Just because no one was there the moment it happened doesn't mean it didn't happen. What's important is that people either find the fallen tree, or the fallen tree reaches out for help (assuming in this metaphor that you feel like a fallen tree and no one knows). If you will talk to people, they will listen. And you will receive aid.
Grace and mercy cover you. You don't need to do anything but desire to come to God. None of us can do this on our own, and thankfully, we don't have to. Because of God's plan, we can all be healed and come unto him and experience true joy.
We are all going to trip and stumble along the path of life. We can't help it. We're human. We can't really turn back either. We must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. If we press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.
All in all: God loves you. His grace and mercy are enough. All you have to do is lean on Him.
Then, this. Off the top of my head, but from my heart.
You are so amazing Natasha. From the very beginning, when I joined this website, you're like this little ray of sunshine who carries God's light and is always looking to lift others up. Can I tell you a thing? I really do understand what you're going through. It is hard. I get the self-hate. I really do. But you are not a waste of space. There is life, so much life, and your life is not a waste. It breaks my heart to see you going through this. It's terrible. I know. It sucks. It is not your fault that you struggle with self-hate. All of us do at one point or another. I can't put into words how much I love you and respect you. I look at you and I see myself at the same age. Amazing, beautiful, smart, talented…… everything that everyone told me I was. But I couldn't believe it. Don't know why lol. I just hated myself. It was terrible. So love, listen to me. The voices in your head that tell you that you're not enough? They're wrong. You are amazing and wonderful and just the way God wanted you to be.
I can't tell you enough how I much I love you. How much God loves you. Just that it gets better. You will get better. And you will be stronger because of this. I promise. I've got a secret for the mad
In a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad
and I get that they don't get it
but you will burn right now and then you won't regret it.
Little things, all the stereotypes they're going to get you through this one night
and there will be a day where you can say you're okay and mean it
I promise you
it'll all make sense again….
There's nothing to do right now but try.
There's a hundred people who will listen to you cry.
I'm just going to leave you with this song. It's one of my favorites and it's gotten me through a lot.
also sorry for the wait. this should not have taken 25 minutes lol. But I guess I just wanted to have the right words.
I don't really post on stuff like this often because I'm afraid I'll say something wrong constantly, but Natasha, you bring a very positive energy to this site, and I hate to see you down like this. You owe it to yourself to do whatever it takes to be happy and content with yourself. If we didn't care and thought you were wasting our time, people would not be commenting with all of these positive and encouraging things on your posts. But also know that it's okay to not be okay, and it's perfectly acceptable to cry and ask for help or reassurance.
I know you'll find a way around this roadblock of self-hate. You just don't see it yet.
We'll miss you SOOOOO much and we will look (also I say we because yes, it's inclusive, but I also mean me. like me specifically) forward to every break when you get to come home and come back to us. But I do think you'll be okay, hon. Just rely on God, and you can do anything.
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