RatGoddess
Hi. I would appreciate any constructive criticism.
Hi. I would appreciate any constructive criticism.
hello yes I am interested in creation myths
Creation myth
In the universe surrounding our own, there were gods and goddesses of all things. After thousands of years of calm, something happened causing a god. as well as a frozen planet, to slip into a pocket universe. Waking from unconsciousness, the god opened his eyes to an almost cryogenically preserved planet. Breathing in the cold, sterile air and waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim light from the few stars in the sky. The color of the ice ranged from clear, to brown with dirt, to white. As he moved among towering crystals of ice and flat areas that reflected his face like a mirror, he saw plants and animals perfectly preserved in the ice, as if waiting for it to melt. Unsure of how one would go about finding food and shelter on a planet with all its resources frozen under many feet of ice, he began to wander in hopes of finding a place where survival was a possibility. After a time, he came across a place where there was an outcrop of ice over a slightly raised platform. The outcropping was only a few minutes walk from a place where crops had once been grown and managed to collect barely enough to last anyone a day. Eating the grain, as it was the only option, he began to plan what he should do when he woke.
Blinking in the darkness with nothing but the sound of his heavy breathing, the god pushed himself up from the ground. Looking at his reflection he moved a piece of dark hair away from his face. ‘This is hell,’ he said aloud to his reflection. ‘I can’t survive here.’
Standing, he headed down towards where he had found the grain. He now intended to gather the stalks as well as the grain itself to possibly use to light a fire. Spending several hours gathering stalks of grain he returned to the outcropping and laid what he had out over the ice and went to gather some rocks to have the fire over otherwise the melting ice would put it out or keep it from lighting.
Arriving back at the outcropping he set the stones on the ground in a corner protected by the wind and placed the stalks over it once he had removed the grain. He had little difficulty setting fire to the stalks as he still had much of the knowledge he had before finding himself in the pocket universe.
After a while, as there was no concept of day and night, the god decided to try creating a more permanent source of warmth and light. Experimenting with different things he eventually came up with the idea of the sun. Thinking it would give a concept of time, as well as a source of warmth and light he began gathering various materials that may be useful in the creation of the sun. A smaller version of the sun stayed as, essentially, a floating ball of fire for several days before it became unstable. The god was unable to stabilize it, the sun began to grow and shrink and began producing increasing amounts of heat until the god was forced to leave and stay several meters back. It continued the same pattern of shrinking, expanding, ad producing heat, until all at once it expanded throwing itself up towards the sky and the earth away from it.
As the ice began to melt in the warmth of the sun, the planet went from perfectly preserved to alive and growing. The ice that melted on the mountains ran in rivers down to the lakes and oceans, filling them with water. Then came the rain and thunderstorms. As the sun rose in the mornings the birds would sing, the rivers would rush past and one would have heard the rustling of leaves as the smaller animal moved through the undergrowth. But not all that came about with the melting of the ice was welcome. There were predators, flooding, poisonous plants, among other things.
The god, despite the dangers, found this new world much more pleasant than when it was frozen. He began to travel this new world hoping that someday he would see it all. He spent many months traveling through forests, and mountains and learning a great deal about this unfamiliar landscape. It was a quiet and peaceful journey until one morning, when the sun was just beginning to rise, he was walking along a ridge and heard a soft song coming up from the river bellow. When he went to look he saw a young woman with with pale skin and black hair with dark blue at the ends standing on the edge of the river to pick the berries that grew there, while singing softly to herself. Stepping carefully, the god went down to the bank to greet her.
When he was just past halfway down the slope she heard a small rock tumble down causing her to look up. She smiled and waited for him to reach her. “Hello, I’m (god’s name),” he said to the woman. “I’m Apricity,” she said in a calm, gentle voice. (Rest of convo undecided. Apricity is the goddess of light and life.)
After they met, Apricity and the god traveled together for a time until they came across a mountain that had food, water, animals, and shelter. They stayed there and shortly after, Apricity gave birth to a pair of twins. The girl, Elysia, was the goddess of art and music with fair skin and hair like her mother’s. Kairos, Elysia’s brother, he resembled his and was the god of the sea.
When Kairos and Elysia were young adults Apricity created a woman out of clay and gave her life. Mary, the woman, had straight blonde hair the came down to her jaw with eyes the color of autumn leaves. When the Mary woke she moved clumsily around the room while she adjusted to her body. In the next few years Mary and Kairos had children, and their children had children and so on.
Sorry it looks weird. I copied it from google docs.
It's okay lol
I can deal
Creation myth
In the universe surrounding our own, there were gods and goddesses of all things. After thousands of years of calm, something happened causing a god. as well as a frozen planet, to slip into a pocket universe. Waking from unconsciousness, the god opened his eyes to an almost cryogenically preserved planet. Breathing in the cold, sterile air and waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim light from the few stars in the sky. The color of the ice ranged from clear, to brown with dirt, to white. As he moved among towering crystals of ice and flat areas that reflected his face like a mirror, he saw plants and animals perfectly preserved in the ice, as if waiting for it to melt. Unsure of how one would go about finding food and shelter on a planet with all its resources frozen under many feet of ice, he began to wander in hopes of finding a place where survival was a possibility. After a time, he came across a place where there was an outcrop of ice over a slightly raised platform. The outcropping was only a few minutes walk from a place where crops had once been grown and managed to collect barely enough to last anyone a day. Eating the grain, as it was the only option, he began to plan what he should do when he woke.
Blinking in the darkness with nothing but the sound of his heavy breathing, the god pushed himself up from the ground. Looking at his reflection he moved a piece of dark hair away from his face. ‘This is hell,’ he said aloud to his reflection. ‘I can’t survive here.’
Standing, he headed down towards where he had found the grain. He now intended to gather the stalks as well as the grain itself to possibly use to light a fire. Spending several hours gathering stalks of grain he returned to the outcropping and laid what he had out over the ice and went to gather some rocks to have the fire over otherwise the melting ice would put it out or keep it from lighting.
Arriving back at the outcropping he set the stones on the ground in a corner protected by the wind and placed the stalks over it once he had removed the grain. He had little difficulty setting fire to the stalks as he still had much of the knowledge he had before finding himself in the pocket universe.
After a while, as there was no concept of day and night, the god decided to try creating a more permanent source of warmth and light. Experimenting with different things he eventually came up with the idea of the sun. Thinking it would give a concept of time, as well as a source of warmth and light he began gathering various materials that may be useful in the creation of the sun. A smaller version of the sun stayed as, essentially, a floating ball of fire for several days before it became unstable. The god was unable to stabilize it, the sun began to grow and shrink and began producing increasing amounts of heat until the god was forced to leave and stay several meters back. It continued the same pattern of shrinking, expanding, ad producing heat, until all at once it expanded throwing itself up towards the sky and the earth away from it.
As the ice began to melt in the warmth of the sun, the planet went from perfectly preserved to alive and growing. The ice that melted on the mountains ran in rivers down to the lakes and oceans, filling them with water. Then came the rain and thunderstorms. As the sun rose in the mornings the birds would sing, the rivers would rush past and one would have heard the rustling of leaves as the smaller animal moved through the undergrowth. But not all that came about with the melting of the ice was welcome. There were predators, flooding, poisonous plants, among other things.
The god, despite the dangers, found this new world much more pleasant than when it was frozen. He began to travel this new world hoping that someday he would see it all. He spent many months traveling through forests, and mountains and learning a great deal about this unfamiliar landscape. It was a quiet and peaceful journey until one morning, when the sun was just beginning to rise, he was walking along a ridge and heard a soft song coming up from the river bellow. When he went to look he saw a young woman with with pale skin and black hair with dark blue at the ends standing on the edge of the river to pick the berries that grew there, while singing softly to herself. Stepping carefully, the god went down to the bank to greet her.
When he was just past halfway down the slope she heard a small rock tumble down causing her to look up. She smiled and waited for him to reach her. “Hello, I’m (god’s name),” he said to the woman.
“I’m Apricity,” she said in a calm, gentle voice. (Rest of convo undecided. Apricity is the goddess of light and life.)
After they met, Apricity and the god traveled together for a time until they came across a mountain that had food, water, animals, and shelter. They stayed there and shortly after, Apricity gave birth to a pair of twins. The girl, Elysia, was the goddess of art and music with fair skin and hair like her mother’s. Kairos, Elysia’s brother, he resembled his and was the god of the sea.When Kairos and Elysia were young adults Apricity created a woman out of clay and gave her life. Mary, the woman, had straight blonde hair the came down to her jaw with eyes the color of autumn leaves. When the Mary woke she moved clumsily around the room while she adjusted to her body. In the next few years Mary and Kairos had children, and their children had children and so on.
OKAY
so
I quoted it to read it more easily and fixed the lil formatting glitch
here are my thoughts and questions as I read:
Overall, I'm interested, but I feel like it's pretty vague? I'm guessing this is an early draft of the creation myth, so as you continue to work on it, figure out how and why things happen. EG the pocket universe stuff, or the sun suddenly going upward (obviously with gravity that's not quite feasible) but like yeah
Good luck! I'm intrigued to hear how this develops!
Thanks. I forgot to mention that this is my rough draft and there are some things still in development.
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