forum Anyone want a British friend? https://www.notebook.ai/forum/general-chat/did-you-know-lostboy2

Started July 06, 2018 by Deleted user

tune

That's right… Cone to us for anything, OK? Whatever you need, just ask…

In the meantime, let's keep this thing together!

I just want to be okay but the professional whom I go to for help are like "okay you're doing everything we can suggest, sorry it's not working out"
and basically the professionals have no clue how to help me any more than they already are
so
that's absolutely lovely

also the only person I've seen all day is my roommate danielle
and some random ppl in the hall
but really I should find actual people and socialize
but I just really would rather not
because I know what my problems are and they can't solve them and talking to them about my problems doesn't really help, it just makes me feel bad for unloading on them and stressing them out
an actual thought I had last night, based on what my friend said:
"how to break someone else's heart: break your own"
so
that's about where my life is

You can unload on me. If anything at least you'll get to vent, and I'll have a purpose!

also my roommate is pretty
and also just
so sweet
we're both quiet so we don't talk much
but she's a sweetheart
I love her
I feel bad that she has to deal with my depression
I got home last night and I was like "okay I'm lowkey hiding from my friends if they knock on the door please don't let them in"
and she was like "okay sounds good"
then I went to bed

Oh… I feel you… I can relate!

also the only person I've seen all day is my roommate danielle
and some random ppl in the hall
but really I should find actual people and socialize
but I just really would rather not
because I know what my problems are and they can't solve them and talking to them about my problems doesn't really help, it just makes me feel bad for unloading on them and stressing them out
an actual thought I had last night, based on what my friend said:
"how to break someone else's heart: break your own"
so
that's about where my life is

You can unload on me. If anything at least you'll get to vent, and I'll have a purpose!

I've been thinking about my purpose in life the past few days, and I just….
I realized the only thing I do is help people, and that's good
but if you take away other people, if I'm just sitting alone, I have absolutely no purpose or intrinsic value
and I know where my sense of worth should come from, my identity as a daughter of God
but you know what
depression gets in the way of that, and just everything is falling apart and I hate it
and I just feel absolutely terrible because Zac, Paulee, Lexi, and Aaron don't deserve this. They shouldn't have to deal with my crap.
And they keep reminding me not to cut myself off but you know I'm lowkey cut off rn and the only person who has texted me today is Aaron and he wasn't in the thing last night where I may or may not have accidentally yelled a little bit at Zac. But yeah.
I don't want to give this to my friends because it's stressing them out and my brokenness is breaking Zac's heart and that's just so not okay

We’re you two He only members of the chats government?

and they do everything they freaking can to help me but it's not enough because I'm still depressed and I wanna die and no one can help me any more. Literally only God is there to help me now, and I'm not getting the support I need (or, at least, what I want) and it's so frustrating and I just want to feel comfort and peace and I want to be okay.

We’re you two He only members of the chats government?

I mean
this was way back in July
so yes I believe so

Kat… I can totally relate to all of that… I know how it feels, and I've always had a strong sense of purpose, but I dunno now… All I'm good for his helping, but that's OK! It's good in fact!

we never really officially designated it
at some point you probably joined the oligarchy
but now Chuck is gone and I'm depressed more than ever and you're sad and struggling too so the chat is just falling apart and I feel terrible about it
and I want to eliminate stressors in my life bc it's too much, so part of me is like…. TAKE A BREAK FROM NOTEBOOK but the other part of me is like NO CHUCK WANTS THE CHAT TO SURVIVE AND I DO TOO

Sweetie if I have to greet you each day with a hundred reason to live, for the rest of your life I'll do it! I'll always be here for you… Til' my final post, or dying breathe!

but I can't even help people as much as I used to
Like…. in high school I was The Mom FriendTM and I was providing support and I rarely needed it. Heck, I was really emotionally self-reliant and could often provide my own. I rarely had to reach out to others.
but now I'm barely helping other people it feels like and I'm taking too much and draining everyone and that's just not okay

we never really officially designated it
at some point you probably joined the oligarchy
but now Chuck is gone and I'm depressed more than ever and you're sad and struggling too so the chat is just falling apart and I feel terrible about it
and I want to eliminate stressors in my life bc it's too much, so part of me is like…. TAKE A BREAK FROM NOTEBOOK but the other part of me is like NO CHUCK WANTS THE CHAT TO SURVIVE AND I DO TOO

Take a break darling… So help me I'll keep this alive til' your return…

I've been listening to this song on repeat a lot

[Verse 1]
I was told this is when I would start loving myself
Flirting's delicious, proved to be beneficial for mental health
All of my best bits pulled forward, collected, displayed
But sadly I just think that I was disgusting today

[Pre-Chorus]
You blew me up like a big balloon far too soon
I'm left a stuttering teen
How did I get here?
It's all so quick, and I feel sick
Red pushing down on the green

[Chorus]
Could you love this?
Will this one be right?
Well, if I'm being honest
I'm hoping it might
Could you love this?
Did you plan to fall?
Well, if I'm being honest
Oh, I bet it's not that at all

[Verse 2]
Hope has a cost
Keeping all fingers crossed and held tight
But I look idiotic with my limbs all knotted
It don't feel right
Truly you've shaken me, and I think you like how I plead
But I have a hunch that that's all you wanted from me

[Pre-Chorus]
You blew me up like a big balloon far too soon
Holding my breath makes me choke
How did I get here?
It's all so quick, and I feel sick
I’m used to being a joke

[Chorus]
Could you love this?
Will this one be right?
Well, if I'm being honest
I'm hoping it might
Could you love this?
Did you plan to fall?
Well, if I'm being honest
Oh, I bet it's not that at all

[Bridge]
All
All
All
All

[Chorus]
Could you love this?
Will this one be right?
Well, if I'm being honest
I'm hoping it might
Could you love this?
Did you plan to fall?
Well, if I'm being honest
If I’m being honest
Well, if I’m being honest
Oh, I bet it's not that at all

but I can't even help people as much as I used to
Like…. in high school I was The Mom FriendTM and I was providing support and I rarely needed it. Heck, I was really emotionally self-reliant and could often provide my own. I rarely had to reach out to others.
but now I'm barely helping other people it feels like and I'm taking too much and draining everyone and that's just not okay

Well all of that good stuff describes me to this day… So…

we never really officially designated it
at some point you probably joined the oligarchy
but now Chuck is gone and I'm depressed more than ever and you're sad and struggling too so the chat is just falling apart and I feel terrible about it
and I want to eliminate stressors in my life bc it's too much, so part of me is like…. TAKE A BREAK FROM NOTEBOOK but the other part of me is like NO CHUCK WANTS THE CHAT TO SURVIVE AND I DO TOO

Take a break darling… So help me I'll keep this alive til' your return…

The chat would rarely go a few hours without anyone commenting. Overnight, yeah, but that was six hours max, and no one else was on notebook either. This keeps getting down so far, and I'm so worried about it
and the people who were here in the "glory days" (which just sounds Angsty and Dramatic (wow like me how fitting)) aren't here as much. Darren and I, yeah. Sol isn't able to get on as much. Skit, Cass, Gabby…. and even more whom I can't even name because I have the worst possible memory. Thanks depression!

but I can't even help people as much as I used to
Like…. in high school I was The Mom FriendTM and I was providing support and I rarely needed it. Heck, I was really emotionally self-reliant and could often provide my own. I rarely had to reach out to others.
but now I'm barely helping other people it feels like and I'm taking too much and draining everyone and that's just not okay

Well all of that good stuff describes me to this day… So…

finger guns

and I have to go to class in like 15 minutes
so
that'll be fun
I skipped my first class this morning and took a nap instead

we never really officially designated it
at some point you probably joined the oligarchy
but now Chuck is gone and I'm depressed more than ever and you're sad and struggling too so the chat is just falling apart and I feel terrible about it
and I want to eliminate stressors in my life bc it's too much, so part of me is like…. TAKE A BREAK FROM NOTEBOOK but the other part of me is like NO CHUCK WANTS THE CHAT TO SURVIVE AND I DO TOO

Take a break darling… So help me I'll keep this alive til' your return…

The chat would rarely go a few hours without anyone commenting. Overnight, yeah, but that was six hours max, and no one else was on notebook either. This keeps getting down so far, and I'm so worried about it
and the people who were here in the "glory days" (which just sounds Angsty and Dramatic (wow like me how fitting)) aren't here as much. Darren and I, yeah. Sol isn't able to get on as much. Skit, Cass, Gabby…. and even more whom I can't even name because I have the worst possible memory. Thanks depression!

Then I'll set a timer and keep posting every two hours or so! Kat… You should know by now that I'm a shining beacon of willpower… If I want to do something… It's gonna happen no matter what. I don't care what it takes… Anything for you awesome people and this perfect sight… I'll be in charge if I have to!

I mean it! I won't let you down… Take a week off, come back to us when you're better… I'll tell you what you missed!

and I have to go to class in like 15 minutes
so
that'll be fun
I skipped my first class this morning and took a nap instead

i did so too!

Then I'll set a timer and keep posting every two hours or so! Kat… You should know by now that I'm a shining beacon of willpower… If I want to do something… It's gonna happen no matter what. I don't care what it takes… Anything for you awesome people and this perfect sight… I'll be in charge if I have to!

I mean it! I won't let you down… Take a week off, come back to us when you're better… I'll tell you whst you missed!

I'm v impressed actually
In that case, I might
but just like
I'll probably check in every once in a while, even if I don't post
Bc I use notebook as a writing reference (its intended purpose WOW) and I'm on p much every morning at like 6 am whatever time zone my college is in I don't remember and checking/augmenting character sheets lol

and I have to go to class in like 15 minutes
so
that'll be fun
I skipped my first class this morning and took a nap instead

i did so too!

it's great! I love sleep!
I got up at like 4:45 am this morning lol
then went for a run
but I forgot my card to unlock the building so I was locked out of my building and I was blessed at like 5:32 when another early riser left the building

Damn… I'm gonna get in a good workout today!

Ooh you got this!!