Roger nodded, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together as he looked to the ground.
"That already makes you better for her than me." He muttered, sniffing.
He left Jesse and Astrid to fend for themselves and they did just fine without him. Then he left himself get manipulated and nearly killed several times. The fact that Astrid still wanted to reunite with Roger left him confused. He's been a terrible big brother, his parents would never have accepted what he's done. Roger had blood on his hands, but he felt like his robotic half wasn't really him. It was the people that did this to him.
"I was a human experiment." Roger began, allowing the memories to flood his vision as the tears welled in his eyes.
"They beat me senseless and then repaired me with…this." He gestured to his entire right side, all of which had mechanic human counter-parts.
"They closed off my memories, and then they went on to extract my emotions."
Roger shook his head as it fell. He leaned forward, pressing his elbows on his legs as he sighed heavily.
"They were interrupted halfway through. They were going to throw me away, to leave me to die, but I begged for my life. I promised I could meet their expectations if they'd just let me live."
It was then that Roger realized how corrupted his definition of live had become.
Roger's eyes fell back onto Jesse, who peacefully rested on the couch. He almost looked like he was merely asleep; the whole day had been a horrible dream, and Jesse would wake up, complaining about his headache and griping about how he shouldn't eat chocolate before bed, but he always does.
"I should have let them kill me."
The small female immediately stood to hug him. She shook her head, bringing the male down to her level. “No. Don’t talk that way about yourself. Everyone wants to live. You did nothing wrong. And none of it is your fault. You went out on your own and were tricked. It’s not a big deal. You are stronger than they are.” She stated firmly.
“Astrid has done nothing but go on and on about how amazing you are and how much she can’t wait to see you.”
Roger's nose twitched, taking deep breaths and burying his head in his hands.
"She…she doesn't deserve me, I'm barely a brother to her anymore. I've killed so many people and I didn't even blink."
For a moment, Roger was silent, an occasional sniff rising from him, but after a moment, Astrid walked in and silently wrapped her arms around Roger, accompanying Juniper.
"You're my brother and you always will be."
“It’s not the past that will decide that. It’s what you do now. If you leave her now, then yes. She doesn’t deserve a brother like you. But if you stay to make it better, then you are one hundred percent her brother and a worthy person.” Juniper muttered. She jumped slightly when Astrid joined, looking at her sadly and wrapping her arms around the two of them.
Roger grew comfortable in the embrace for a few moments, allowing himself to calm his nerves. After a bit, he stood up, sniffing and rubbing his nose to get rid of the evidence of crying as he turned to Jesse on the couch.
"I'll go dig a grave." He muttered, stepping to the door.
Juniper turned to Astrid. “Did you want anything of his before we bury him?” She asked quietly. Of course she didn’t like the idea of stripping everything Jesse had on him. But she would be alright with a small memento to remember him by.
Astrid gazed over at Jesse, her throat tightening as she sniffles quietly.
"He should have his bat with him. He needs to be able to defend himself."
Her words are tight and stiff, but she approaches the bat that lied next to the door. She picked up the bat, holding it in her hands and gazing at it.
"He said he went to go play baseball when he first started going out at night. He knew I didn't believe him, so he just told me the truth after a few days."
Juniper fell silent. She looked devastated and exhausted. She watched and listened to Astrid as she grabbed the bat and nodded softly. “I agree… let’s go bury him.” She whispered, looking down at her feet. No tears fell this time. She had none left to give.
It had all happened so fast. She had just gotten to know them. She had barely felt like she had a home.
She felt broken now.
“I’m never following another government law or rule again…” she stated firmly, scowling. “I don’t want to live under a government that kills…”
Astrid led Juniper outside, noticing Roger digging a grave a few feet away from their yard, where no house stood near. As Astrid reached Roger, she noticed he already dug 3 feet. Roger seemed to be working fairly fast, and he hadn't even broken a sweat. What kind of wild training did he go through?
Roger gazed at Astrid for a moment, almost studying her as he stabbed the shovel into the hole.
"That jacket is a little big on you."
Astrid revealed a sad smile.
"It's yours."
Juniper followed, biting her lip as she watched Roger work. He seemed inhuman at the speed and rate he was working. She watched silently, sitting down and looking away.
She didn’t want to interrupt anything they had to say to each other. After all, it had been years.
Roger continued taking glances at the jacket, scrunching his face up in utter confusion.
"Where did I get it?"
Astrid's eyes remained on the ground, but a half-laugh let out of her and she smiled, tilting her head back as her eyes remained on the ground.
"You found it the day before our parents died." She explained, "Jesse said it made you look like a soldier. You said you'd fight for the world to be restored."
Roger grinned at Astrid's story, returning to digging as he wiped a bit of sweat and dirt from his forehead.
"I suppose there's no chance I'll be getting it back?"
Astrid giggled and shook her head, but then looked over at Juniper, taking a seat next to her and patiently watching Roger finish up.
Juniper didn’t listen in on the story. Her eyes were turned to the East and a forlorn expression passed over her face.
She had been excited to return to the one place she felt wanted; the outside lands. Sure they were deadly and awful, but she had found herself out there and as corny as that sounded she really had.
As a girl raised with nothing even after her parents left her, she felt like she had the world in her hands out there. She had many ancient artifacts and rusty articles from nearly ten centuries back. And she loved them all. Especially her older technology from the early 21st and 22nd century.
When Astrid say next to her, Juniper was forced out of her thoughts. She murmured a ‘hello’ and hugged her knees to her chest. She missed the days she had been alone. If she had never Met Astrid or offered to take them to find Roger, Jesse would have never died.
Astrid gazed at Juniper, then at Roger. Juniper seemed deep in thought, almost as if, if Astrid called her name, she might not get a response. Roger had reached give feet by now, and the hardened, determined look on his face indicated no sign of pausing for a rest. Even if his expression seemed to Astrid more like a forceful look of determination. She could tell Roger was using his strength for more than just digging.
She huffed a sigh at Juniper and Roger before crossing her arms.
"I want you both to stop that."
Roger hesitated, looking up at Astrid as he dropped another shovel-full of dirt on the ground nearby.
"Wh-"
"Blaming yourselves. I can tell you're both thinking about it." Astrid tapped her fingers impatiently. "I've spent the most time with Jesse out of all of us, I know that he wouldn't want either of you to blame yourselves, especially since you're both wrong."
Juniper’s head snapped to Astrid when she spoke, looking confused. “What do you mean?” She asked even though she knew for a fact what she meant.
“I-I can’t help but wish I hadn’t walked into your lives.” She murmured after Astrid spoke. “If I had left that first day… none of this…” she choked on her words, looking away. She was surprised to see she still had tears to give.
Astrid hesitated, still uneasy on getting too close to touch, but finally giving in and giving Juniper a gentle hug.
"I'm still grateful you came into our lives. I probably would have convinced Jesse to go out searching for Roger with me anyway, and I think Jesse feels better that you're here with me since he can't be with me anymore." The last words Astrid had to force out or else she'd lose her voice, as her throat tightened to avoid crying, but the tears appeared nevertheless. Roger gazed sadly at the two girls, returning to the house to bring Jesse.
Juniper hesitantly returned the hug, joining Astrid in the tears. She shook her head, her heart sore. Nobody had ever died because of a decision she made. “I’m sorry he’s gone. I blame myself…” she admitted, sobbing some more. “I’m so sorry!”
She hardly noticed any of what Roger did. She just bawled and hung onto Astrid.
As the two girls sobbed with each other, Roger trudged through the leaves toward the grave. The memories of mere hours before played back in his head like a recorder, each second in vivid detail. The fear that coated Jesse's eyes, the crack in Astrid's screaming voice, the desperation in Juniper's attempts.
Then the sound of the gun blast, shortly followed by the moment Roger hated the most; Jesse's head snapped back, the bullet squaring him between the eyes. Jesse didn't even have time to react, but at least he died immediately rather than painfully. His body fell limp, and Astrid's scream resonated in his ears.
The one time Roger had a clear memory and he wanted to dispose of it.
He still struggled with figuring out his emotions. As the girls cried, Roger silently placed Jesse, who he had wrapped in several blankets, into the grave. He picked up Jesse's hands and rested them peacefully on top of Jesse's abdomen.
Juniper watched him lower the body, hugging Astrid even closer to her. She watched carefully, her lip trembling.
“I’m so sorry…” she murmured to Astrid. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
For any of it. She wished none of this had happened. She wished she could go back to day one and fix this.
Astrid shook her head, closing her eyes to hold the tears in.
"Jesse forgives you." She whispered, standing up as Roger finishes, the glow of the sun stretching to reach for the horizon.
"Astrid," Roger uttered with a shaky voice, "could you tell me your favorite memory with Jesse and I? I still don't have much."
Astrid smiled sadly, clearing her throat in a hope that her voice would be clear enough.
"We were just little kids. You and Jesse were chasing each other. Jesse was the 'bad guy' and you were the 'good guy'. You both were holding sticks as weapons, but Jesse tripped and fell flat on his face. Without hesitation, you managed to calm him down and clean up his scraped up face. Within a few minutes, the two of you returned to being enemies. You were still standing next to him, making sure he was okay, and Jesse grabbed his stick, pointed it at you like a gun and exclaimed that he won. You had no choice but to surrender."
Juniper listened in, biting her lip. She longed to have a good childhood like that. But she was an only child and rarely got to play.
She was so happy to have met this small family of siblings. She could t leave this.
Roger nodded, a hint of a solemn smile on his face. Astrid felt a little better upon reminiscing on the memories of her and her brothers, back when things were fine. When you're a kid, nothing's really wrong except when you trip while playing.
"Juniper, I know you told me you only met him a few days ago, but did you want to say anything?"
She bit her lip and nodded softly shifting her weight to stand. “Yes I do. I want to say that in the few short moments I got to talk to him, I saw how much he cared for his sister and for anyone under his rooftop. Even if we had disagreements in the beginning he soon welcomed me in like I was his family. Like I belonged.” She shifted nervously before sitting back down, feeling awkward.
Roger nods, crossing his arms. He wanted to say something, but words escaped him, along with every memory he's had of Jesse. He knew who Jesse was, he knew his relation to Jesse, but something was blocking him from accessing the archive of memories with Jesse. It had been too long, but he's thankful Jesse managed well without him, especially with Astrid.
"He'll still protect all the older sisters he comes across."
Roger finally uttered out.
Juniper looked at Roger and nodded. “He was a good kid.” She murmured.
After a moment of an awkward silence, Juniper rose again, offering Astrid her hand. “We should go indie before it gets too cold. We can make him a headstone sometime soon.”
Astrid nodded and stood up to follow Juniper. Roger picked up the shovel, dropping the dirt into the hole. As Astrid entered the house, she grew incredibly silent. She became too emotionally exhausted to cry anymore, despite wanting to. She ducked into the kitchen, opening the fridge. She pulled out an apple and held a second one, offering it to Juniper.
