forum Can someone critique my creature?

Started December 24, 2018 by @TheGoldenLegend

tune

Command Name: Maraavie

Apprentice: The color varies from subfamily. Brightly colored wings, tall, and crown feathers. Long tail. Hooked beak. Powerful claws. Large eyes. Raptor-like body. _» https://i.pinimg.com/originals/57/61/73/576173f59115fe3ca30b5e92d47dc7dc.png _» https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a4/1a/57/a41a57a4661a02d76f7f70481b615622.jpg

Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Chordata

Family: Phorusosauridae

Genera:
• Agilispugs (Air)
• Palaquile (earth)
• Sophavis (Water)
• Fortisbeccus (Fire)
• Gigasfetro (Ice)

Class: Aves

Diet: (Carnivorous) Small mammals, fish, and insects.

Habitat: valleys, mountains, marshes, farmlands, and shores.

Temperament: Aggressive towards sea creatures, passive towards land creatures.

Speed: 50 mph (On land) Cruising speed- 56 mph, top speed- 70 mph

Length: 15’ - 14’ long, 12’ - 9’ tall (Male) 10’ – 13 tall (Female)

Wingspan: 36’ – 46’

Mass: 900 lbs

Lifespan: 40 – 70 years

Behavior: Living in family packs, females are usually the alphas. Males take the role of guards when eggs are in the nest while the rest of the female’s hunt, leaving the alpha female alone with only her eggs and the males.

Each subfamily has its own personality type.
• Agilispugs (Air), the smallest of the Phorusosauridae, are curious and cunning, they will steal everything from you or they will act like a puppy.
• Palaquile (earth), the second smallest of the Phorusosauridae, are more laid back. They will let you pass without a fight but will attack if you provoke them or get to close to their nest.
• Sophavis (Water), the third largest, will flee when danger is near, unless the danger is near the nesting grounds, they will fight with brutality.

• Fortisbeccus (Fire), the second largest, is an opportunities hunter, taking down the weakest and preserving the kill for later. Even with its cunning personality, the Fortisbeccus is the most aggressive of all the Phorusosauridae.
• Gigasfetro (Ice), the largest, is the genial giant. Only hunting those who hurt their family or kind, these giants will foster any creature it rests its eyes on. Docile as they are, they will attack Fortisbeccus’s if seen anywhere within their territory.

DANG!!!!!!!!! These are so cool! I love your drawings, they really bring your creatures to life! The style and the different species are a great idea, and I absolutely love inter-species rivalries part using elements. I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to critique, these are great!!!

These are amazing!! I really enjoy the designs and how you include the different classifications! Maybe think of five senses for more description. It all depends on what your using it for. If you are using it for a book I would provide a description of each of the five senses with each type. It's a lot of detail I know but it will make it a lot easier to refer to and describe it again and again in your book or what ever you are using it for! I hope this was helpful!

Thank you for the feedback! ;)

Oh my gosh, they're Chocobo!

Well I was basing it off of a Terror bird… but ok

But like, cool Chocobo with powers and personalities other than race fodder or an excuse for some great music that you'll never get out of your head!

Okkk

Overall it looks like you put a lot of thought into them, and I like how the different genera have different behavioural patterns. Their look is a bit generic but that doesn't necessarily need changing, if it works for the story it's probably better to not overload them with lots of exotic details that will be hard to describe!

This caught my eye though:
"Aggressive towards sea creatures, passive towards land creatures." <- Why? This would make sense if they prey on sea creatures and leave land creatures alone, or were preyed on by sea creatures if they didn't drive them away. But they appear to be land animals themselves so I don't really know what to make of this.

I can understand that, I should have probably put down the animals that prey on them, which are my made up water dragon-like things, and hydras. All of them, besides the Sophavis (Water), and permanent land/sky dwellers. The Sophavis (Water) likes to live near river/lake/ocean sides (they can swim) so they're the one that has to deal with all the sea animals.

And thank, I do need to add more 'attribute'/'design' to these birds. I want them to look at lot like Terror bird (Besides their crown and ability to fly) but that's kinda hard since those birds are extinct…… and the closes looking bird I've found, the shoebill, don't look that fancy either.

Well if you want them to look like terror birds they'll always look like terror birds, and like I said that's not necessarily a bad thing! (Although to be honest they look most like popular raptors right now in terms of body shape and stance - be sure to look up skeletal reconstructions, if you do want them to be closer to terror birds.) If you want to branch out a little though, it might help to look at other animals for reference. Cassowaries and secretary birds come to mind, but don't be shy to look even further. I also think you could get some more uniqueness out of the shoebill - like the way they hold their head pulled back and pointing down, or their kind of long and slender body shape, or even the skinny legs.

this looks and sounds so cool! your drawing reminds me of a volocaraptor. very good job