forum Yet another critique page!! :3

Started March 27, 2018 by @CinnamonRoll

tune

Hi y'all!! I do loads of these, but god knows I need them myself. Could you help me with my sad lil angel? She's caught in grief, but I'm worried it's swamping out her personality. Help!!

Thank you in advance!! :DDD

There's not a lot of personality that could be swamped out entirely by grief. It's not as if she's a bright, bubbly character who becomes sad and somber. In fact, her being a motherly type, and someone who cares for others and makes them smile might actually work better. Maybe she's neglecting herself a bit because of the sadness, and she feels grief intensely on the inside, but her outward image doesn't change. That's not against her character from what I understand.
I might be able to help you better if you could give me some examples of grief "swamping out" her personality.

I don't think grief is swamping out her personality. If anything, she doesn't seem to be grieving enough. Or, let me put it this way: you haven't detailed how she handles her grief. Does she put on a brave face, then cry at night? Does she tell others how she feels, or does she keep it inside? Is she angry about it? Etc.

A few other notes: The hair thing. I know, you explain it some, but maybe explain it just a little more? Like, is it often that people's hair changes colors due to stress? Is it just a symptom of stress, or is there more to it? Do only some people have it happen to them? Also, for skin tone, it's better to avoid comparing skin tones to chocolate. Trust me. I'm tired of being called caramel, or coffee with creamer, or other weird terms. I don't call white people "rice crispy brown". Lol.

I love her mannerisms and flaws! So vibrant. However, there's a little contradiction here. You say she hates it when people stand by and don't during a conflict. But you also say she's cowardly and doesn't want to get hurt? Which is it? Does she beat herself up about not helping? Is her fear something she actively struggles with? Because a contradiction in a personality can be really interesting, you just have to explain it more.

Other than that, I really think your character is awesome! She seems so amazing and warm and interestingly complex. You did a great job on her!

The white hair, no offense, a bit cliche. Hair doesn't really just…turn white and, even if it did, it would take a lot and would probably make more sense if the person was an immediate family member, instead of a cousin. And the whole 'hates her magic gift' thing is extremely cliche. Other than that, I think she's a pretty strong and interesting character!

Hi!! Okay, so I'm trashy, I know, but I feel the incessant need to respond to critiques (I blame debate).

@Becfromthedead, THANK YOU!! I'm adding that internal grief piece right away. You're right–I didn't really specify why she's grieving so much. I'm sorry if that made the critique harder!! Either way, though, I love that internal piece.

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime!! I'm gonna add some more grieving blips, but essentially, it's a keep-it-in thing. Haha, the hair thing… I'm gonna put that at the end. I'll fix the skin tone. ;P I'll add a bit more detailing to that flaw there. Thanks for pointing it out!!! And thank you for liking her!! On behalf of my character, I feel very appreciated. :DD

@GoldenSlime. I know, I know, me and my cliches!! The hair I'm gonna put at the end. The magic I'm definitely keeping no matter what. Thank you for pointing out that it's cliche–I'll add some more support. Basically, she learned that her power comes from her bloodline, which ties her to one of the most morally grey characters I have. She knows her magic can do great things, but equally terrible, and she thinks she hasn't used it for enough good–thus, it's less of a hate and more of a fear. I'll put this all in there, thanks for calling me out!! :3

OK! The hair thing. See, I know that hair doesn't actually turn white. (I wish it did!) I'd just heard it from historical accounts (which were wrong, rip). When I created her, I still thought it was a thing. Now her white hair has turned into a bit of a symbol for her and I don't think I'm ready to give it up. Advice on this, anyone??

Thank you all so much!! :DDD

Hi!! Okay, so I'm trashy, I know, but I feel the incessant need to respond to critiques (I blame debate).

@Becfromthedead, THANK YOU!! I'm adding that internal grief piece right away. You're right–I didn't really specify why she's grieving so much. I'm sorry if that made the critique harder!! Either way, though, I love that internal piece.

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime!! I'm gonna add some more grieving blips, but essentially, it's a keep-it-in thing. Haha, the hair thing… I'm gonna put that at the end. I'll fix the skin tone. ;P I'll add a bit more detailing to that flaw there. Thanks for pointing it out!!! And thank you for liking her!! On behalf of my character, I feel very appreciated. :DD

@GoldenSlime. I know, I know, me and my cliches!! The hair I'm gonna put at the end. The magic I'm definitely keeping no matter what. Thank you for pointing out that it's cliche–I'll add some more support. Basically, she learned that her power comes from her bloodline, which ties her to one of the most morally grey characters I have. She knows her magic can do great things, but equally terrible, and she thinks she hasn't used it for enough good–thus, it's less of a hate and more of a fear. I'll put this all in there, thanks for calling me out!! :3

OK! The hair thing. See, I know that hair doesn't actually turn white. (I wish it did!) I'd just heard it from historical accounts (which were wrong, rip). When I created her, I still thought it was a thing. Now her white hair has turned into a bit of a symbol for her and I don't think I'm ready to give it up. Advice on this, anyone??

Thank you all so much!! :DDD

No problem!
As for the hair thing, I don't know, maybe it could be magic related in one way or another. That'd definitely make for easier explanation if you don't want to change it.

No problem!
As for the hair thing, I don't know, maybe it could be magic related in one way or another. That'd definitely make for easier explanation if you don't want to change it.

Maybe. I'm afraid I'm making too many things magic-rooted. Although that would make sense, in context of her own particular magic. Solid plan~~

You could say she's prematurely gray. I read that 30s-40s is when people usually go gray and 20s is considered premature. 18 is a bit of a stretch but not so much that it would be super weird.