forum Writing a love interest with a huge age gap

Started January 24, 2018 by @itskayhere

tune

Asha is 18 and Jay is 28 is that weird?

well just be sure to emphasise how they feel for each other to get rid of some people(who would disagree with it)'s doubts about if they should be together. I personally think it's fine but someone else might not and I find it's best if you don't give them a reason to argue about it

Here's what I do with age gaps: they're 10 years apart, yes? So imagine the older character, Jay, at 10 years old, and then imagine infant Asha, maybe held in his arms or something. Is that weird to you, that they would grow up to be romantically involved? If not, then go ahead! I do this with all sorts of age gaps. It kind of helps me see the difference in age better. I don't know if this is helpful at all but hey, good luck writing your romance!

@alice o'mally See that's were it would get weird to me lol, but no they met when she was 18 and it was a blind date and they don't know how old each other are until then.

Huh. Interesting.

it is weird

the age gap between ten years makes the power balance terrible, because eighteen year olds dont think the same things that a 28 do. its unhealthy.

i personally think a ten year gap is kinda cringey, i'm sorry, but here is a pretty funny comic about an age gap (where the guy is younger) https://www.boredpanda.com/truths-dating-someone-younger-illustration-cassandra-calin/

yeah a little creepy. my mom was just talking about this. she thinks its totally okay, so I was like "uh imagine…15 year old and five year old???"

if that's not weird then I don't know what is

I know that some people do it these days, but it is a little strange. Like danwritesstuff said, the power balance is off. In addition, I feel like it's weirder with an 18-year-old. Barely out of high school and dating someone who's nearly 30–that just seems weirder than a 45-54 age gap, you know?

Honestly I think it's a bit large of an age gap but it's your choice as the author and I don't think you should let people get in the way of writing your story the way you want to. There will always be people who don't like certain things about your stories but if you let that stop you you wouldn't write anything at all.

With Asha and Jay being two CONSENTING ADULTS (and a background that I have not told you about) I think its fine. But now I know what to expect when I write this story thank you so much, everyone.

Good luck! :)

Thank you @alice O'Mally

You're welcome.

I think it's pretty unhealthy to have a large age gap in a relationship but that just makes it even more interesting to write and read about. I personally would never shy away from writing about what others might find to be morally wrong in real life. As long as you maybe include how unstable the power balance is likely to be and make it as realistic as possible it should be an intriguing read.

Thank you @EvaCasey

hi~

Hello :)

IMO I think the age gap matters less if they're both over, say, 25, but if one of them is a teenager it can be very unhealthy. If someone is under 21 it's probably best to just make the gap smaller.

I think you should present it aware of how creepy it is, or at least be aware of your angle. I honestly don't know how you can make that one romantic without the undertone, but personally, I think that's ok if you play it to your advantage. Do they continue to date when they find out the ages? Do they become friends instead? How does Asha's lack of experience affect their relationship? What does the power imbalance look like? To answer your question yes it is pretty weird (its subjective but many people will think so) but for storytelling purposes that's ok. But if you want a more innocent and simple romance I would scoot the ages a bit if you can, like maybe 5 or 6 years difference? Idk, hope this was helpful!

An easier way to present an age gap, which only works in fantasy/sci-fi, is the idea that the couple have a distance in age between them, but both are in the approximate same period of their lifespan.
Take gods. They're generally written as thousands of years old, yet can date younger mortals. Because both feel about as old as the other. The feeling of age should be about the same. Otherwise you've got one person greatly more wise and mature than the other.
Or cross-species relationships. One may be a 20-some human, the other a 100-year-old alien. But both should be considered a new adult of their species.