forum Would you be so kind as to critique these guys?
Started by RacheyRach
tune

people_alt 2 followers

@Moxie group

I'll give em a whirl
Alright, the first thing I've noticed that applies to all characters? Mannerisms. Mannerisms are things like chewing your nails, playing with your hair when you're nervous, things like that. Just little fidgets that people do. I also feel like they all need a little more detail. Mostly to important things like motivation and flaws. Part of it is what motivates them in the story. Why are they doing what they're doing? If you want the characters to seem more real these sections especially are gonna need a lot more detail.

Clover - 118 pounds isn't a lot for someone of her age and height. If she is significantly thin I might mention it a little more. I know you say she's slim but maybe make that a little more apparent? The 'describing things' talent and the 'talking' hobby intrigue but also confuse me. I would elaborate a little more on these. The background part could also use a little more detail. All in all, she seems pretty cool, she just needs a little more detail to make her seem real.

Lulu - Her motivation looks cool, add a little more detail. So one of her flaws is loneliness. Why? And why is it one of her flaws and not just something she is or feels like? The fact that she's both very relaxed and very anxious is a little confusing. Maybe elaborate a little more on that. I'd call body-positive political. Is that it for her politically? Is she a feminist? Give a little more detail to her background.

Ezra - If he's muscular and 5' 11" 1/2 he's gonna weigh more than 121 pounds. His hair most likely won't form beach waves if his hair color is super dark. It depends on his ethnicity. I would talk a little more about that. Honestly, I think his prejudices could just be more detail in the flaws category. If he's 16 and lives alone you should talk more about that. What happened to his parents? Where does he live? If he lives alone how does he evade child protection services? Things like that.

Miguel - Same as Ezra. If he's 6' 2" and muscular he's gonna weigh more than 135 pounds. Not a lot more but still, a bit. How does he have a tattoo if he's 16? Explain that a little more. Why is he protective? Over whom? All of us are flawed by our insecurities. Try and make him feel more real by giving more and more in-depth flaws.

Overall I think they all just need a little more detail and dimension. These characters seem really cool! I hope this helped!

RacheyRach

Wow! That was so detailed, thank you so much! I will definitely try to make some changes and add to the characters backgrounds.