forum Would Someone Mind Critiquing My Characters?

Started October 01, 2018 by @that1_T0ad language

tune

Could someone please critique my MC? I'm trying to make her a realistic as possible

HI I'LL DO IT
Quick disclaimer: None of this is meant to offend you or anyone in any way, this is just advice!! Take it as a grain of salt if you'd like as it is your character and you don't need to change anything if you don't want to!! You've done a great job with her already :))

1. Why is her nickname Di? It doesn't really remind me of her name and I'm just not sure how her friends or people-who-call-her-that would get to "Di" from "Acadia", although I can kind of see it at the end. Maybe Dia would be a bit better?
2. I'm not entirely sure on this, but from my experience with wavy hair, it's typically pretty thick and poofy, not thin.
3. Add some more identifying marks. What makes her recognizable? Try thinking about something that people could use to identify her by in photos.
4. Also, why is she so skinny? She's certainly a bit underweight, and healthy girls are heavier than that. Something isn't quite right if she's that slim.
5. Woah. There's a lot going on in the Nature category. FIRST OFF:
   5.1 A lot of her mannerisms are a bit contradictory. If she's easily-angered and aggressive, I find it a bit surprising that she's timid. If she's shy and timid, confidence is not exactly easy to come by (again, I speak from experience).
   5.2 It's highly difficult to go looking for adventure if you never step outside your comfort zone. I find it highly unbelievable that she would be able to "find" adventure if she's unable to look for it, which is most likely what would happen if she never steps outside her comfort zone. It's a similar scenario with ambition and striving for security, though that one is a bit more possible.
   5.3 The flaws are good, though I'd be careful putting maladaptive daydreaming as a flaw. (I definitely agree with the fact that her daydreaming aids her writing, however).
   5.4 On that note, how/why does she have maladaptive daydreaming? Is it lack of sleep or some other underlying problem? The possibilities are quite extensive.
   5.5 Maybe add aggressive/childish to the flaws category. Aggression never really got anyone anywhere, and you have kind of already mentioned that she's immature in the flaws category.
   5.6 The prejudice you've put is not a prejudice. Put that under personality type/flaws. Prejudice is unfounded hatred towards a certain group of people (that might only be her head).
   5.7 please don't write "outwardly introverted"……….. INSTEAD use ambiverted! It means that when she's in a scenario with lots of people, she'll be happy, but she's also perfectly happy on her own. Not sure how longing for friends is related. If you mean she's introverted but she wants to be an extrovert so she can easily make friends, just say that.
   5.8 Ok this is kind of confusing now - someone can't be timid and bossy at the same time, or rebellious for that matter. Timid and shy means she's very unsure of how to talk to people and is typically quiet. Someone who is timid or shy will never step outside the norm (or their comfort zone. good on you for that one) and are far more likely to step back when faced with an issue. For example, if someone offended them, they might instead choose to keep the emotion inside and not show a reaction in the hopes of the harasser leaving them alone. They will almost NEVER be aggressive.
   5.9 TO SUM ALL THAT UP: Shy/timid people will NEVER WANT TO PROVOKE A REACTION. I don't quite understand how you are calling her all these things at once??? Maybe review the definitions of timid and shy. A lot of the things you've mentioned is totally inaccurate to the reality of shy or timid people. (Basically, just pick whether you want her to be extroverted and aggressive/bossy or shy and timid.) Please don't take offense though, it's just quite surprising how you've portrayed her. I don't mean to be mean to you or anything!!
6. MOVING ON: At 15 she is quite ready to start understanding politics. I'm younger than that and I have a clear view on who I support and why.
7. I'm hesitant to say that the death of her mother is cause enough for maladaptive daydreaming, but I'm not entirely sure.
   ANYWAYS THAT'S ALL FROM ME!! Other than her slightly contradicting personality, you've written her pretty well. Keep it up!!

Thank you for the advice! I was going through possible nicknames for her, and I preferred Di over Dia. I plan to have "Di" as more of a family nickname, somewhat like my brother, who's nickname is never really used outside of home (and his nickname does't relate to his name much at all, like Di's.) Acadia's hair is based off of a friend of mine's, which is wavy, but still very thin. Acadia's skinny because of her genetics. I'm sure it's uncommon, but I myself am very skinny and underweight, but I am not unhealthy (I eat a ton). Acadia's mannerisms are what I have trouble with, so thanks for the input :). Acadia is childish, and having maladaptive daydreaming, she's part of a fantasy world and has no cares for realistic politics. Finally, her maladaptive daydream does come from the inability to cope with the loss of her mother, but it's also from the loss of her father and all of her friends. All in all, she's an immature teen that doesn't exactly know how to live in reality. Hope that clears a few things up on her. I'll definitely be using the advice you've given me.

ok, great!! just maybe try putting that in her character profile so you don't have to tell someone directly :3
great job though!!

Normally with immature people they are more introverted, but it might not always be the case so that is fine. You could also make her more introverted by her loss of her parents. That will do it to a person. Having feelings that they are maybe the cause of the split and always trying to prove their worth.
The Aggressive and easily provoked is a good thing to have, her parents and friends leaving and being in the system will make someone aggressive.Always seeing the bad in the world, and being exposed to the harsh truth of the world so young. So that is good. Now with that and the Introverted nature she could be introverted until provoked and then she becomes extroverted about what happening. That going along with her tendency to overreact over things. Keying in with her aggression.
Trust issues with people is also a very good point in her nature. Even her own brother, fear of her last bit of family leaving. That is a good point to have with trying to make her as realistic as possible.
All in all she really is a good character. She has gone through things no person should ever have to go through, no matter their age.
She, in my opinion, is an extremely realistic person. Well rounded. I think this is an amazing character and you did a very good job in creating her. Along with sharing everything you can in her character profile. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
–GinjaNinja

Thanks, GinjaNinja.
I have a few other characters that I know need critiquing. I don't get much criticism from my peers, so there isn't much I can do to develop them. If someone wouldn't mind critiquing them, that'd be great!

No problem! I enjoy helping people. I will help with the others if you like.
The first is Thomas Harvey
He is really underweight. The average for a 5'11'' male is around 160 pounds. He is at 120.
Not really sure what "Emo" hairstyle is.
And with the whole "hates everyone but is still polite" is totally possible. So don't worry that does work out.
When his brother was arrested for shoplifting he would have just spent the night in Jail, not Prison.
But when his brother was arrested for drug-possession, he would have gone to prison. So that part is fine.
Next is Ethan Matthias Cummings
He is also a little underweight, but not alarmingly so. So he should be fine.
That is all I can see from him that doesn't add up.
He sounds like a very good character. You did an extremely good job with him
Next is Peter Elijah Thompson
Honestly I can find absolutely nothing wrong with him…… He is an extremely well rounded character. Very very good job with him.
Honestly he sound adorable.
If you have anymore questions just ask.
–GinjaNinja

Thanks so much! That really helps!