forum Will you like to criticize my characters?

Started April 18, 2020 by @Lava-vintage

tune

Hello there I’m quite new to this so could you criticize this character

Here's some stuff I noticed (I just went through it and commented when things came up :))

• for race it's stated as mixed race which I'm just going to assume is half white and half black, but I would suggest specifying as mixed race can be a mix of literally any two races
• if he wants to bring justice to his kingdom then his kingdom has to be in some kind of peril? maybe try touching more on why he want/needs to bring justice
• in flaws you mention that when he is wronged he feels the need to show them he is superior/more powerful, I feel like this contradicts some of his other traits as in mannerisms you mentioned he could act high class but chooses not to, so I feel like someone who seems lowkey about their royalty (kinda like princess jasmine) would not show people he's more powerful for revenge, this also tends to be a flaw of a mean unjust royal which clearly isn't him
• for prejudices, I like this, but its not really a prejudice its more of a simple stereotype, a prejudice is more of something like he hates women because his girlfriend left him or something that has more of a personal reason behind it
• in hobbies, again with the superiority, now that I've seen it twice I'm thinking maybe this is something your going for but for me it just seems very contradicting that he plans to rule over his people with fairness and equality, but when he gardens its like he rules over his plants with superiority and it makes him feel godlike (which makes it seem like people/plants should worship him)
• again in personality with the superiority I just either feel like I'm missing something or these traits just don't go together
• for politics maybe specify on what his beliefs are instead of his opinion of others beliefs
• im a little confused about his occupation? here it says he likes life better outside the kingdom? but why does he also want to come back to the kingdom to lead it?? I can kinda see what you're going for but I still need some clarification
• for his background I would maybe suggest adding more… all the other characters I've critiqued and most of my own have their entire backstory and lead up to the book here, but this is totally your choice as you should always do what makes the most sense to you :)

Overall, I thought he really seemed like a cool character, there just wasn't much to see. My biggest critique is definitely to elaborate on how he wants to rule with equality and fairness, but also wants to be superior and let everyone know it. In my personal opinion I see the first part as a classic kind of disney prince but then the second part kind of contradicts that as I feel like you would see this in a lot of antagonists who want to steal the crown and stuff. But I think it would be really cool and add a lot of character depth if you could find a way to somehow do both and elaborate on how this is possible, what made him this way, how does it affect him/people around him? I think you're defintly on the right track with this character, I would just love to see more!

I really hoped this helped! If you add anything and want me to take a look I totally can :)