forum Will Critique your Character
Started by @stexyph
tune

people_alt 64 followers

@stexyph

@Ikinss Sorry for the wait but here's your critique!

Overview:
Love the uniqueness of the magical ability! Any backstory about how or where he got them for the readers?

Looks:
Did you mean for him to be underweight? Average weight for a 5'1" 15 year old boy is about 115 pounds. I understand if he's meant to be skinny, but 89 is decently small. Other than that, if you wanted to flesh out any of the other characteristics that would be good, but you don't have to if you really don't want to

Personality:
I like the mannerisms; you incorporated his idiosyncrasies through different emotions which is good.

Motivations:
Yes, those things motivate him but to do what? Is he trying to achieve anything?

Strengths/Flaws:
How do those things work as strengths? Could you maybe explain as to how they help him? On the flip side, how can they hurt him? Also, senile is typically used for old age and the craziness associated with. Some of the strengths and flaws overlap a little. For example, if someone were courageous and self-disciplined, you'd think that were patient and could wait for what was right or what they needed, instead of being impatient.

Social:
Why is Steven Duff his role model? How has he impacted your character's life? Same for the other favorites. Why is/are he/she/it his favorite character or possession?

Family/Background:
How did he get in his current situation? Why is he adopted? What happened? What's his background; who'd he grow up with, what did he do, how'd he react to events in the past?

Mental Health:
How does his anxiety affect his character? You said he's small, which could be a big factor in how he perceives himself and others. However, you said he's happy and reckless, which doesn't sound like someone with a huge anxiety disorder, but every case is different so it is a possibility.

Physical Health:
What type of cancer?
Does the knowledge of his time left to live affect him? Is he reckless because he's trying to do everything he can before he passes away?

I'd say; good skeleton of a character. need to flesh him out a lot more, figure out what makes him tick and why, but other than that, good start!

@ElderGodSeeba petsbing bing 🐸

hmmmm yes, i agree.
I should probably add more detail lol, i spaced out in the middle and went back to make new characters πŸ‘‰πŸ‘ˆ

@stexyph

@Ok_Kaii Okay, here ya go!

Looks:
As in red undertones? Because you then mention she's black, but how so if she has red skin? Pure black eyes are awesome but terrifying as heck. Is she okay with this/does she know this? What about in the sun? Are they still black, or dark brown? So, is her hair to her boobs or waist? Or does shecut it often, put in extensions, etc.?

Nature:
I actually love the traits of your character. Nice job with that. So her personality is kinda like Bethany from Jumanji? What about strengths and flaws? Also, she has anxiety? Because typically people like her have a power drive, or a need to feel powerful. She hasn't thought to use her powers in order to further her social status? Also, boys don't dislike her for being with everybody? Do they just say her looks make up for it? Actually, decently well though out, I enjoy characters like these (and their character arc's). Random murders? Would that not trigger her anxiety more? What kind of anxiety does she have? Finally, on prejudices. How does she judge people basically? Does she think every man with a mustache is a murderer? Does she think all smokers are bad people? Hoe about politics? Does her character fall one way or another and why and does that impact how she views people not in her party? Or does she jut not care?

Social:
Is she an opposite's attract kind of girl? She likes guys who can see through her facade to the real her? Have you ever considered for her to like girls? Also, her favorite color is white but its right after her personal tastes in guys…is that the type of guy she likes or her favorite color. Because on her aesthetic pinterest board she seems to like pink.

History:
Suggestion: Scorpio? I know you're still figuring out the powers, but what about the rest of her life? Where did she grow up? I'm guessing her family is upper-middle class to upper class based on the jobs. Did she not want to go to private school or her parents didn't want to put her in it. You say her friends suck, but earlier you mentioned she had one friend she's really close with. What about her?

All in all, I suck at critiques buuuut I really like your character and can't wait to see what's in store for her. You just need a little bit of extra details and some work on that background, but other than that I think it's good. Also, prejudices. But yeah. I likey!

@stexyph

@Ikinss haha honestly same me at all points. i space out halfway through characters i went back and deleted soe on my old account and one i had a background and that was IT

@stexyph

@SunGod-but-tell-me-to-Hecc-Off-till-1st Ahh, let's get to it.

To begin:
Overview:
Why have they lost track of age? Also, how did the nickname Belphegor come around?

Clothing:
Is the helmet included in the armor and can do the foggy break up thing? I also like the names for the shoulder plates :) That's a really good set of armor. How did the character acquire it?

Looks:
I'd say weight is around 180-190 for a 5'7 tank-like person. This will vary basing on whether or not your character was born a female or male, because testosterone is an anabolic steroid and therefore affects muscle growth. 180-190 is probably for a born-female and it would probably be 20-30 pound heavier for a born-male. Are they naturally born with platinum blonde hair? If not, why do they dye it? They seem to be worried purely about wearing the armor and not impressing anybody for a romantic relationship. Same for hair cut. If hair is floppy enough and long to get in eyes, then is it held back when helmet is on? Why would they cut it like that if it were long enough?

Nature:
OK i really like Dakota's personality. Just wondering, you said that no one was going to see their eyes and hair but then later say they talk to people when needed to. Are they wearing armor then? Also, do they live somewhere seclusive? They don't seem like the type of person to live around people nevertheless have them see what they are doing. Also, you say in the talents section that they are quick as lightning but later in the flaws, you claim they are not that fast at all. They connect better to animals than people, they must have some pinch of caring or empathy for them? Or do they just want the animals to survive? I like the motivations. Makes sense, and they fit with the story. One thing though, you say they had trouble with Catholic conservative parents and their gender. In my personal experience, this typically leads to prejudices against conservative Catholic people for the person because they associate those kinds of people with their parents and therefore lead themselves to believe all Catholic conservatives are like their parents. All in all, this section is written very well. I enjoy it and I would say to add more mannerisms, but I doubt your character gets nervous or scared so no mannerisms there :)

Social:
Seems straightforward enough. Nice job including the why's, this is well written as well.

History:
Honestly that's really detailed I like it. One question, how did they get jobs at 16 without paperwork and/or a place to live?

Family:
Ok the animals are very cute. How does she kept them all fed? Some animals like birds like specific feed and horses like others and yeah ya know about animals. Does she just grow thigns for them specifically?

Notes:
Very brave, but also seems to get their way and do things their way. Cunning. Almost seems like also a Slytherin.

I really love your character. I could spend all day reading about them. I proclaim this great.

@Oakiin

Thank-you so much!!! I really appreciate the critique :D
I updated them a little bit more, would you mind taking one last look if you have time? ^^ If so, here's the link again, so you don't have to dig through the thread xD Dakota Jaye Royal
I appreciate you time! I hope the updates clear up the things you mentioned in your critique :)

@nat

if youre still offering your services…

I usually have her brother critiqued so there may e a few empty spaces. If you have questions about her they might be answered with him if you find its not inconvenient to look. You are amazing for offering up your time and i thank you so much! (btw her name is Aloisia (Ah-loy-see-uh) and her bro is addox (add-ducks) Addox (Add-ucks) (for if u wanna give him a looksie)