forum What do you think?
Started by Another
tune

people_alt 43 followers

@Kaloobia

  • How long is his hair, does he have bangs, shaved sides, etc?
  • Be a little more specific on the body type, is he unhealthily skinny or slim in a fit way?
  • How is he "adept with algebra" if he has no motivation for anything? People are rarely naturelly good at things they don't practice.
  • His motivation is,,,, a little too general. It is human nature to keep oneself alive, and unless this is an alternate universe where every matter is life or death, a high school student's motivations are going to be a little more specific, and possibly a lot more trivial haha. Things like losing their virginity, getting out of the house because they're sick of their parents, or as simple as managing to graduate/get into college. The fact that he doesn't care about anything and has no ambition signals possible depression, possible suicidal tendencies, which you juxtapose heavily with his motivation being simply "not dying". Try to really get into his head, and think about both the long-term and the short-term.
  • Develop his personality more. Is he rambunctious with everyone, or only his friends? Alternatively, only around people he dislikes? (Perhaps as a means of annoying them.) Remember that he is a teenager, and from what I can see a rebellious one; most teenagers, and people in general but especially teens, crave validation of some sort. They may obtain that through being top of their class, through community service, through being the bully with a strong following who laugh at all their offensive jokes and actions. What does Paul want? Clearly, he has friends, but there's no indication of why they stay with him: you've developed his flaws but not what makes him decent enough to put up with.
  • History is good, but also a little vague, and doesn't really explain why he is the way he is now. Does he have abandonment issues, because of his mother? If so, they're not really conveyed in his personality. Does he have some other trauma you haven't mentioned?

I hope that's helpful? He's a little undeveloped but has potential, especially to be that asshole that fans love for some reason haha (I swear there's some secret formula for it). Good luck!

Another

I'll add this in but he is adept at Algebra because he and the algebra teacher get along fairly well compared to his other teachers. He doesn't plan to do anything with algebra in the future.
I wouldn't call it trauma, he was affected by his mother's absence but would never admit it. I need to expand upon it as you said. He doesn't expect things to last. When he meets someone he is under the impression that sooner or later they'll stop wanting to be around him for any reason. That's why his only friends are the two he's known for a very long time, which is actually the reason the two of them put up with Paul. Thanks for your thoughts! I'll make another post after I finish the profile.