forum Trade Character Critics

Started April 12, 2020 by @elowyz-jensen

tune

Send me a character, and I will send you one as well. We then can share our opinions!

Ooh, I'm into this! Can you take a glancey glance at Dakota?
I'm excited to see yours as well! :D

I will totally go over Dakota. I took a quick peek and the amount of writing you have certainly shows your work and dedication to your story. If you would also take a look at my character while I am working on your review, I would very much appreciate it.

Thank you!

So I began by reading the "Backstory" portion of the character bio. I am interested in the setting of the story as well as the premise you have set up, but so far the best part of the character them self is the way you are beginning to set up how their skills they have from former opportunities are not only part of their personality and character growth, but affect the way the character later is seen within the story. One thing I would like to read about and have explored is their fears, and how their personality has changed throughout the story, which I'm sure you've thought about. Also, does Dakota have any mental troubles due to what they've seen? Perhaps exploring a mental struggle due to to what they've seen can be a reason they hate people, and themselves looking trying to understand themselves or lack of understanding a roadblock for them. Showing the other side of them by having them being both a villain and a anti-villain is a good way to flesh out the character and show the audience depth, but deciding or writing down how to do this is important.
This is my short look into the character. If you want me to do a more in-depth analysis, do ask.

Hey, thank-you!!
I'm still reading Oear's profile, and it's getting really late for me here, so I'll have to do it tomorrow, but so far I'm liking what I'm seeing! ^^ I'll reply properly in the morning :D

Hi, could you please critique Veda? Veda Libertas

Heya! Can you review my character?

@PaperCraneEnthusiast
Due to the fact I am unaware of your story and the whole picture, I can only place Queen Veda is the context I can gather from the character profile. In your character profile, you have the beginning bones for a good character. You have a few flaws and personality traits which you can build on, but there are certain qualities that you should think about as well as how a person acts under stress. For example, you have a 15 year old, someone very young, ruling a whole country. You don't have any notes about her family or friends, so a lack of support or support system can weigh heavily on a person, specifically somebody so young. You also note that she speaks 6 languages and is highly educated, but don't talk about if she has a talent for languages.
For her flaws you say "thinks she's overbearing", and yet only acts on her own opinion and doesn't listen to anyone else. I think this does line up with her being young, but do make sure to think about the impact of being someone in power with that attitude has on the others around her.
This is a pretty simple critique for Veda, and I can do a more in depth critique of Veda if you want once there are more details and backstory.

@JumboJambo2020
So I went over Jiri and I really liked what I am seeing. After exploring some of the other characters tagged with him, I was able to understand some of the story and world you've created. I would really love to understand more of the world and the politics and how him being from such a small town impacts how he views the world. Things I think you might want to write down or think about is why and how did he get to be an apprentice in the forge? You also note that Octavius and his wife become parental figures to him and his sister; how far does that role go? What do their own parents think about that? I couldn't find a profile for Octavius so I can't judge how maybe he and his wife found that role, but I would like that be be explored in the story, if you can.
Your description of Jiri is very detailed to the point in which one can imagine him in their mind. I would like to know why the ratio of height to weight is so wide, as I can imagine the diet of an arctic town to be mostly protein, with less carbs, vegetables, and fruit, unless your world has a way to get those food there. I would think with him working in a forge, and being (I'm supposing) finically supported by Octavius, he would have more muscle, meaning he would weigh more. However, I don't know all the details, and so I can't review everything.
Overall, I like the way this character is going, and if you ever make this a published or online published book, I'd love to read it!

Okay, so, Oear:
I really, really liked the character, I think you put a ton of thought into him, and he seems really fleshed out. I can tell you have a lot of world-building done as well, which makes me thing that his story, or whatever story he's part of, is also probably really informed and knowledgeable about its culture and setting. Kudos! That's really awesome!
So what I do have for you are a few small things here and there, because this is an awesome character :D
FIrst off, while you do really good job of explaining the "why" behind almost everything, I think you could do a little more, and enhance the character further. Why is blue his favorite color? What associations does he have with it? Does he have a least favorite color? Stuff like that. My rule of thumb is that every section should have at least ten words of explanation, unless it'd just be silly, like in the case of eye color. If a chara has grey eyes, they have grey eyes xD
One thing I notice, is that you entirely leave out the personality section, and if that's intentional, I think the character really suffers from it, as the whole time I was reading I never got a full grip on who he was. I don't know him as a person, which is an automatic disconnect for me and makes me confused about a lot of things. So if you weren't originally planning to, I would write an in-depth personality for him!

That's about all I have for you on a quick glance, but like you offered me, if you want I can totally go deeper into an analysis!
And if you do have any more thoughts on Dakota, I would love to hear them!

@JumboJambo2020
So I went over Jiri and I really liked what I am seeing. After exploring some of the other characters tagged with him, I was able to understand some of the story and world you've created. I would really love to understand more of the world and the politics and how him being from such a small town impacts how he views the world. Things I think you might want to write down or think about is why and how did he get to be an apprentice in the forge? You also note that Octavius and his wife become parental figures to him and his sister; how far does that role go? What do their own parents think about that? I couldn't find a profile for Octavius so I can't judge how maybe he and his wife found that role, but I would like that be be explored in the story, if you can.
Your description of Jiri is very detailed to the point in which one can imagine him in their mind. I would like to know why the ratio of height to weight is so wide, as I can imagine the diet of an arctic town to be mostly protein, with less carbs, vegetables, and fruit, unless your world has a way to get those food there. I would think with him working in a forge, and being (I'm supposing) finically supported by Octavius, he would have more muscle, meaning he would weigh more. However, I don't know all the details, and so I can't review everything.
Overall, I like the way this character is going, and if you ever make this a published or online published book, I'd love to read it!

Thanks! That was a very thoughtful critique! I'll be sure to take your thoughts into consideration :)
As for which of your characters you want me to go over, do you have a specific one in mind or could I just choose one?
Thanks again!

@JumboJambo2020
Hi! Thank you for replying. I tagged one of the characters I have open for critique tagged above. Here it is again. Feel free to look through other characters tagged onto him.