I am writing a character for my story who is non-binary. I myself am not non-binary and would like some tips on how to address this topic because I don't want to misrepresent. I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right category or not, but yeah any critiques on how I'm already representing them or pointers on other things in the future would be very much appreciated..
I suggest by giving them a base gender but have them react to gender-neutral terms
@TheShadow'sQueen Like NB woman/NB man or do you mean something else?
@CoolBeanz I'd completely disregard @TheShadow'sQueen 's advice if I were you.
I personally am not non-binary, but I know people who are, and used to identify as non-binary myself while i was still figuring myself out.
From what I gather, being non-binary is not a base gender, with extra fluff added on top of it. It is a completely separate thing from the binary genders; male and female, and making a non-binary character a "non-binary person with a base gender" kinda defeats the whole purpose of the label non-binary.
You can give them a base "gender" for their /gender expression/(example: non-binary character wears dresses, which are generally coded female), which is completely unrelated to gender identity.
The reason non-binary people wish to differentiate themselves from binary folks is for mainly just one reason: gender dysphoria.
As a trans person, I can talk about gender dysphoria with certainty in the knowledge i have, so take notes.
Gender dysphoria is being uncomfortable with one's gender as assigned at birth. It is the reason trans people transition from one gender to the other. The same can be said for non-binary people. They don't feel comfortable identifying as either gender, so they have their own, which is neither.
To assign a NB character a binary gender and then covering it up by calling your character they/them does not make them non-binary.
It does not matter how much a girl will say "im non-binary uwu" and says their pronouns are "they/them", if they are comfortable existing as a female, then she's probably not non-binary.
(Note: don't use this advice to call people out on their "BS" in real life. Different people have different circumstances where they might not be able to transition completely, or come out. Especially non-binary people who are so often seen as not a real thing. Please take people at their word in real life.)
It is not convenient to be something other than cis (for the love of god i hope you know what these terms mean if you're gonna write a non-binary character). Non-cis peeps such as myself face a bunch of obstacles, such as discrimination, exclusion, ostracization, and all in all just not a good time. THESE THINGS WILL AFFECT PEOPLE. Ask any trans or NB person.
(a note: some NB people identify as trans, some do not. For the sake of this advice thingy-ma-doodle, I will be referring to trans people as binary gender trans peeps, and NBs will just be NBs)
So you will definitely have to do your research over how coming out and/or transition affects people. And you'll have to do research as to what being non-binary even means (i can tell you with almost complete certainty you'll get different answers from different people). And a whole bunch of issues.
Also you'll have to do some world-building around non-binary people. What is your setting? Are non-binary people a normal and accepted thing? Are they almost completely invisible? Is a non-binary gender something most people don't even know exist? How does your character respond to that?
PLEASE ALSO REMEMBER: There is no cookie-cutter formula for how to write a NB character. Every non-binary person is different, just like every boy is different, every girl is different, etc. Your character's gender should not define them. Your character's status as a minority should NOT DEFINE THEM. I see this done wayyy too often where a character is just there for the sjw brownie points. Please don't fall into that trap. Make sure your character matters besides them being non-binary. If they don't matter to the plot, or feed negative stereotypes, cut them out of the story.
And now to you as a writer. You are not non-binary. This does not mean, however, that you can't write a non-binary character. Please by all means write minority characters. God knows we could do with some representation. But please just be careful of /how/ you represent minorities. That's really the biggest pointer I can give: Bad representation is worse than No representation.
However, you are not non-binary. This means you should not write stories ABOUT being non-binary. Let real non-binary people tell those stories. They need to be told correctly.
In summary: non-binary does not equal binary with sparkles, setting is important, do some research, and just don't feed negative stereotypes.
Definitely try to get the opinion of a NB person. They can probably tell you more than me.
@amayonsmissingsoul Okay thank you that is so helpful. One of my best friends came out as trans a while back and we've had many discussions since so yes I am very familiar with these terms. I also know first hand how it feels to be unfairly represented as a lesbian and an immigrant which is why I seriously do not want to be the writer who does that. My character is very crucial to the plot, but the story is definitely not about them being NB, because of course I am no expert on that. Thank you for taking the time to explain so much because Darcy is a character very dear to my heart and this helps a lot, I'm going to keep in mind everything you've said, as well as gathering more opinions from people who are NB because I really want to make sure I'm not being bad about this.
im NB and i find that when people greet me bye asking my pronouns that makes me feel happy. Another thing that makes me happy when reading NB charactrs is when people dont make it all about the gender, the authors just use They/Them pronouns like any other genders and that is what inspires others.
I'm non binary and I would say that writing a non binary character is a really cool idea, and that makes me happy, but also, don't make it all about their gender, whether they have chosen one or not. If you like making them more of one gender than the other, you can choose between calling them she/he or you can go with the normal NB pronoun, Them/they. But still, don't make it all about their gender, make it about their likes, dislikes and interests and hobbies. I hope that you take this advice and use it correctly. Also, if you plan on making the NB character the villain, it may offend some people. Just ignore them, it doesn't mean that you don't like them, it means that you made the character different from what people would expect.
@DuskToDawnz Alright thank you so much good to know
TJ Anderson I plan on taking all the advice I get so thank you. The character is not a villain when they're young but my book is about immortals and by the time they all get to be around 400 years old most of them turn dark, so they end up a villain but it is certainly not because they're NB. It's actually not a big part of the story at all, it's just a part of who they are so I want to make sure I address it correctly instead of ignoring that part completely. Thanks!
i love that some people are integrating it in. books ive read with NB people in it, its allways about the gender and not about thier personality
@DuskToDawnz I know what you mean, badly done representation is always frustrating
i know and it sucks. so much when its pretty much a bad representaion of you
I hear you
@CoolBeanz I wish you the best of luck on your writing endeavor, and can I please thank /you/ for taking the time to make sure you're writing this character correctly?
Also I kinda want to know more about this character… not to give advice but rather cuz I'm curious about them.
@amayonsmissingsoul There's kind of two Darcy's, the young version and the old version. The young version seems to be a very lucky-in-love type who takes things as they go, but they've been in the army as a berserker since they were little (this is a very war ridden world so often children will be forcibly taken from villages to assist the war effort) and the older they get the more the killings and warfare weigh them down. They struggle with a lot of PTSD and night terrors, but put on a brave face for the rest of the world. They're in love with their best friend Adramelech and they would literally do anything for her. To the point that when she wants to die, Darcy is willing to try and kill her (this is very tricky because she's immortal and the process is very long but I won't get into that) Old Darcy is what happens after hundreds of years of reliving all of that. They're really senile, because even though they can't die they still age, they're now power-obsessed because of years of having power taken away from them, they've moved up ranks and have become an uncontrollable army leader, and have basically forsaken everything they used to hold dear. They don't even remember what they used to hold dear at this point because it's almost been 500 years.
@CoolBeanz there's an element of your story that sounds a lot like mine and I think that's awesome. Do you mind if I PM you? There's some things I want to ask that at this point shouldn't take up space on this theme-specfic forum.
Also I love Darcy already and I think this character is incredible and there's definitely a lot of awesome things you can do with them.
@amayonsmissingsoul Yeah sure! I'd also love to hear about your story and characters.
Darcy sounds so lovable!