Don't usually share my characters because I can't get them out of my mind and into any format. But I tried my best Phineas Clove
Note: You can totally take a look at the other characters in the universe of you have time.
Also note: I am not yet made of steal, but I can take a fair amount of constructive criticism. I really want to improve my characters.
Thank you!
Hi, I just saw your character and I really liked him? Like, I'm so curious about the story? Are they trapped in a place trying to discover what happened through files in a computer? This could make an amazing game, you know that?
Thanks! I'm so happy you like him.
The basic plot of the story is still kind of fuzzy. The story is told from a girl named Rosa's perspective. Her father is the scientist who erased their memories and he put her in charge of observing them to make sure it worked. Throughout the course of the story she has a case of files about all of them and slowly pieces together their story. In the end she thinks it's best to tell them what happened. The moral of the story is that memories, good or bad, make people who they ought to be.
Wow, that's really cool! Good luck with your story! (I think it could be an amazing game, of you ever considered that)
- First off, I really love the plot/universe you've set up in your previous reply ^^^ I find it very creative and would love to see a story like that :)
- Could you be more specific on hairstyle? Straight, spiky, curly?
- "Tall and fairly muscular could stand to take better care of himself" is a little contradictory, muscles generally indicate a certain vanity, in the way that you work out to maintain that specific body type. Do you mean that he has unhealthy eating habits, or that he strains his muscles/body TOO much? A little unclear.
- Interesting how his mental instability goes away temporarily because of the loss of memory! Generally memory loss generates some sort of instability, a feeling of loss and confusion, but if a character has experienced severe enough trauma, the weight of that being lifted may indeed give them a break. Again, very interesting!
- "breaking him down until he is willing to listen." do you mean, easier to control? They tire him out so much, emotionally, that he decides it's easier to bow down and do what he's told? Again, only guessing here.
- Ah, insecure but with bravado to cover it up. One of my favorite classics haha
- I find it a little contradicting that he takes responsibility for things, but also is petty and holds grudges: grudges come from a place of blame on another person. Be clearer here?
- What is Atticus getting revenge for, if both of their memories are lost?
- Love that bit about recipes :) Heart-warming, even.
- He's insecure, macho, and a control-freak. Yet, he has friends (in the social section). What makes them put up with him? How is he decent enough for them to stay around? Add some positive traits to balance it out, I think: not exactly balanced, as a hugely flawed character is far more interesting character in my opinion haha, but make him likeable in some way, no matter how minor (the recipes hint was already a good start, more of that).
- I'm curious, Atticus is listed as both a friend and an enemy?
- Holy SHIT that backstory
- I like the notes, and it gives me another element pertinent to Phin's character: dislike/distrust of authority. I assume this is because of his mother. Perhaps develop this a bit more? It fits with his character that he would feel the need to depend on no one but himself, even though he's barely a teen.
I'm sorry this got long haha, but I do hope it was helpful! Again, love the premise, and I'm curious to see how you develop Phin, because he has a lot of potential, a lot of which you've already explored! :)
Thank you for your feedback! I will definitely use this information. I do realize I have a lot of contradictions and I will try my best to work those out. Something I'd like to clear up because I understand it's written in a confusing way is that a few aspects of him derive from his life experiences and are messed up when he loses his memory. also after he loses his memory he and Atticus get along better and other people around him are more willing to be his friend.
Alright, thanks for the clarifications, and good luck! :)
I really like your character, he seems really worked through and I like that he seems "real" if you know what I mean. I would really love to know his story!
