forum Someone with social/relationship anxiety, please help!

Started July 21, 2018 by Julie

tune

Hi everyone!
I’m writing about a character with social and relationship anxiety, but I’m completely in the dark, because I don’t have it myself.
It’s totally okay if you don’t want to talk about it!! But I’m just wondering if someone could maybe explain what it’s like? I know it might be hard to put into words and you might not want to talk about it to a complete stranger like myself ;) and that’s alright. Only if you feel comfortable, I could really use the help! Thanks!

Sure! I don’t know what it’s like for everyone else, but for me, whenever I do something wrong in front of other people, I get scared that they’ll only view me as a bad person who did that thing for the rest of their lives. I can’t be late to anything because I don’t want to feel the burn of people staring at me/judging me, I can’t jump into existing cliques because I’m scared that people will tell me I don’t belong in the clique(s), and I tend to let things that I know are wrong slide because I don’t want to look like a know-it-all by correcting the teacher or whatever.

Introversion and shyness are just the preference of keeping to oneself, but kids with social anxiety could be dying to make friends but not be able to because they’re scared that they might make a fool of themselves.

… this made sense in my head, I swear. I hope I didn’t sound too ranty.

No, that was great!! Thanks for the help!
I do hope you find your way. Just by that paragraph, the way you worded things and stuff, you actually sound like the type of person I’d want to hang out with ALL THE TIME.
❤️Thanks again!

I have social anxiety, and a lot of the time, I get really scared about having to talk to someone who is at all important, and I get super worried when someone gives me unclear guidelines, or when I don’t know someone is joking, or when I don’t know the answer to a question.
Example:
I’ve never watched Winnie the Pooh, and I’m at my friends house for a sleepover. Her dad is saying goodnight to us, and starts to sing a song or something(I don’t remember why)
Lily’s Dad: The wonderful thing about tiggers is that tiggers a wonderful thing
Me: …
Lily’s Dad: turns to me The wonderful thing about tiggers…
Apparently I’m supposed to sing the next part.
Me(quietly and uncertainly): is that tiggers a wonderful thing?
Lily’s Dad: laughing is that I’m the only one
Me: embarrassed and wondering if he’s laughing at me and if her realized I don’t know Winnie the Pooh and if I’m going to feel awkward every time I come over to Lily’s house for the rest of my life

One time I started crying in front of my health class(after I started forgetting words and got anxious) while giving a presentation on social anxiety. That’s how the class learnt I had social anxiety, and how I got 30 classmates(plus my health teacher) all trying to keep me out of situations that would make me anxious in my other classes.

Another bit of social anxiety is that right now I’m getting anxious that you only were looking for one response. Hopefully I’m being helpful right now

I'm not sure how it is for others but here goes.
Scared that every word could end your friendship/relationship.
Watching everything you do in order not to offend them because you need the relationship so bad.
Feeling guilty for things that I didn't do. Overanalysing into people's reactions way to much. (Once my friend said no to sharing some of my lunch and I thought she hated me… I know it's stupid). Going through your own texts and picking them apart before sending them to make sure no one is offended or hurt in even the slightest even when it's as simple as answering a casual 'hru?'
Hopefully this stupid short response helped!

@Turtles_i_like_turtles
No, thank you! I’m glad that I’m getting so many different perspectives. This is really helpful!
And thank you, Jacque, as well. It makes lots more sense now!! Thank you guys again ❤️
And i hope you guys feel better soon. Sending my best wishes

I hope you don't mind me asking… what's something that could "ease the pain?" (I don't know how else to put it, sorry)

I hope you don't mind me asking… what's something that could "ease the pain?" (I don't know how else to put it, sorry)

My personal battle with Social Anxiety:

• being afraid to raise your hand in class because you might be wrong and don't want to look stupid but you turn out to be right anyway.
• rehearsing what you're going to say to a server at a restaurant over and over in your head so you don't screw up and they ask you a question you weren't expecting and you get nervous and panicked
• being one of the first people to finish a test but not wanting to be that first person to turn in your test because that's scary so you wait for someone else but you don't want it to look like you were waiting for someone else so you wait longer and then you get nervous because you've waited too long.
• Public Speaking is a NO. It just does not happen. You become panicked and nervous, and nothing you're saying makes sense.
• Meeting new people is always nerve-racking because you don't want to appear weird and awkward when you really are so things become weird and awkward because as a social anxiety victim you don't have basic human social skills because you're awkward as crap
• fearing/thinking that no one likes you because you think that everything you say and do is weird (This was my entire HS career. I was miserable)
• over drafting every message you type/send because you don't want to make people mad or make a mistake (like I am doing now.)

That's some of my personal favorite moments when I have to deal with my crippling social anxiety. Now as for a way to "ease the pain" as you say or to fix one's social anxiety…
well, there's not really a way. People with social anxiety just learn to live with the fact they don't have the social skills of their peers and learn, usually through observation, how to 'fake it'. About the only way to "fix it" is to get over it, and that's no easy mountain to climb, because, in my way of handling it, you just have to kinda shove yourself out there and force yourself in an uncomfortable situation to force yourself to adapt. It's the very reason I chose the college dorm I did for freshman year. And I am terrified.

Sorry it took me so long to respond; I’m kind of speechless!
Thank you ALL so much, because this discussion has not only helped me out a bunch in my story, but it has helped me understand the reality of social anxiety, which I never thought to be much more than a little nervous feeling in your stomach before this. (And now I feel so stupid for thinking that)
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ * sending virtual hug *

Social anxiety is different for everyone but here's what it does to me.

• I dwell on all situations I have been in and only focus on the negative
• In social situations I stutter, drop things, and even trip
• Social anxiety lead to a lot of confidence issues
• It causes me to be even more awkward and make myself seem like a very, very strange person in front of strangers
• Sometimes I won't do anything social because I'm afraid that I will mess up
• I have tried to talk my mom into letting me go to online school because regular school scares me

Tapping is a method that I tried to help my social anxiety, it's where you go to a therapist and they teach you to associate tapping with calming anxiety (Or any other mental illness like PTSD) and have you tap whenever a situation arises that you have anxiety. It may not seem like it works but it worked with some people.

I manage my anxiety pretty well, none of my freinds are aware I have it, they just think I’m awkward. I have a hard time meeting new people and knowing what to talk about with them. Im constantly worried ill say something weird, when i do ive learned to hide it with a joke. Also I never make plans with friends, they have to invite me, or I’ll think they dont want to hang out with me, and sometimes even when they do imvite me i worry A LOT that I’m just a pity invite. I wouldn’t say I’m a social person, but i do love being around close friends, however it’s hard for me to ever get to the level of close friend bc social interaction can be really nerve racking for me. Also, flirting just does not happen for me. I can joke with my crush, but I would never be able to navegate flirting, it just doesnt make sense to me, I just have to flat out ask a guy out with no lead up, and without being sure how he feels about me, so i dont.

Hope that gives you a feel for at least my brand of social anxiety.

hewwo
i feel nauseous when i have to talk to authority figures and dwell on weird social interactions ive had for years after they happened. also when i enter a room i can't look up because i know the noise of the door closing attracts attention oof