forum Share your antagonists and see if they are believable or clinché

Started August 12, 2018 by @yeetus

tune

I hate the boring villain tropes and they are really annoying as well. I would think a good villain is someone who does horrible things but you still feel sorry for them, or empathise with them. Post the link to your villain here.

Here's mine: Invalid Character

Here are my two antagonists. Enzo: Enzo Ramirez and Evera: Evera Kyŏng-Bennett

Would you like a critique on your antagonist?

Sure, thanks :)

Okay! Mind giving your thoughts on mine after? You don't have to really critique it, I just want to know if you empathize with them or not. Anyway, on to the critique.

Nature
Mannerisms are small actions done habitually. So tapping your feet, chewing your lips, etc. are all mannerisms. I suggest adding quite a few if you really want to humanize him, since mannerisms are a universally shared trait. His motivation is quite vague. Power? Just power? What is it about power that entices him? Does he want anything else? His flaws are sorta cliche for a villain. Nearly every villain is manipulative and prideful. That's not a bad thing, though. I just suggest you dig deeper and find more flaws that are unique to him and his personality. I love his talents, but where are his hobbies? Even villains enjoy different activities that have nothing to do with their goals. His personality type is nice! Although I kinda think passive aggressive is more of a flaw than a personality trait. I also think you could add a bit more details to his personality. What is he like, really? Is he friendly or outgoing? Is he an introvert? Is he quiet? Etc.

Social
I think this section is pretty good, but every answer except the lock of hair could use some explanation. Why is he an atheist? Is there a popular religion in his universe? Why doesn't he adhere to it? What makes him support a monarchical government? And finally, just to be extra, what is it about Larks that he likes?

History
Bravo! This background is awesome! It really helps me see where he's coming from and why he's doing what he's doing. It provides much needed insight and context to his character, so well done.

Notes
There are few things that make villains nonredeemable/non-relatable in reader's eyes, and rape is definitely one of them. If you truly want your villain to be understandable, I'm not sure having him in a non-consensual relationship is the best way to go. You'll want to keep that in mind, but otherwise, this section is good.

All other sections
I like how in depth you go in his name and magical abilities. Good job.

Overall, the backstory definitely shone the most. I think all you need to do is expound on his personality a bit more so that it matches the depth of his backstory. Good luck :D

I think both of your antagonists are pretty good and not cliché at all. They are realistic so I can empathise with them. I love how you made Evera really motherly and appear to be nice and Enzo have a son and love bunnies (that's really cute!)

The lark part is because his name means "lark", like he hates it, but secretly he likes them. The manipulative and prideful thing is also something I use in all my protagonists.
Thank you for the critique :)

I think both of your antagonists are pretty good and not cliché at all. They are realistic so I can empathise with them. I love how you made Evera really motherly and appear to be nice and Enzo have a son and love bunnies (that's really cute!)

Thank you! I'm glad you like them.

Okay so my antagonist is Satan…

I know it's cheesy but hear me out please!

His name is Luca, and in the story's present time he is the ruler of the realm of demons. However, when he first came into existence, that wasn't the case. He had two brothers (Asura and Mephistopheles) and a sister (Artemis). Luca was uninterested in taking care of a dimension, so he stepped away and decided to travel for a while, but he would always return whenever his siblings needed him. He loved his family very much, especially Mephistopheles, who would be there to support Luca whenever he was having a really hard time/having a hardcore existential crisis (which tends to happen a lot when your existence suddenly appears from nothing and you have to create a whole dimension for no reason). However, Asura didn't feel the strong familial bond that Luca and Mephistopheles did. He was power hungry, and willing to do anything to take over Mephistopheles's position. One day, Asura murdered Mephistopheles and tried to take his place as ruler. However, Luca was able to stop him and banish him from the dimension, and the power has handed down to Luca. Fueled by anger, Asura gave Luca the reputation of the the king of sin, an evil, disgusting creature that was nothing but selfish and horrifying. This created hate for Luca in several dimensions. For a long time, Luca was nothing like what people thought he was. However, billions of years of isolation and people feeling pure hatred for him slowly twisted him into a heartless monster.