forum Seeking constructive criticism
Started by Madi
tune

people_alt 41 followers

@M.W.Poel

oki doki, I'll do my best then

  1. does he have a larger motivation that overarches the entire story and really is his? For example: wanting to become a baker. the motivation you have right now is not faulty but it's very dependent on others and limited to a situation at that moment.
  2. You state in his flaws that he's perceived as cold and distant by others, but that doesn't really show in his mannerisms. those seem more awkward related. so maybe try to look at how to better connect the two.
  3. What sports is he good at? all of them? that would be very, very impressive as soccer requires a very different muscle build from gymnastics. What sport is he best at? he will probably be pretty good at other, similar sports as well.
  4. football as in English football or American football?
  5. Maybe take another look at talents and hobbies, they're fine as is but I personally like it when a few hobbies are included that don't correlate with talents and vice versa. For example, someone is horrible at singing but still likes to attend choir practice.
  6. heh, teacup kittens…. :)

It seems like a good baseline for the character. I say baseline because in my experience there's always more to add once you've actually started writing. Hopefully the feedback it helpful. Good luck with the story.