forum Rip apart my character, please.

Started August 25, 2019 by Another

tune

Honestly she seems like a decently well-rounded side character to me. The only thing I can think of is that "thin" isn't technically a body type, so you may want to add more detail there. Other than that, nice work ^^

I think you should also focus on her controlled personality. Like what she slips into when she's in shackles and a slaver is giving her orders or threatening her. She should show that she is compliant because she has to be so she is quick to follow orders but given the chance to be free. She breaks out into the character you described. Like in slave mode she's not quivering she's angry and scared at the same time, so it doesn't take away from her.

Ok, I read part of it and something stook out, the race thing, now I'm not trying to sound racist like that, but maybe in more detail describe where she is from, is she North American? Is she German? Is she Russian? That's one thing I spotted, just so you could think about it.

@Young-Dusty Thanks, I'll change it to something like lean.

@Caboose Her controlled personality is the same as her personality when she's free. The Magenta Rose people kept the children in mostly decent condition (Aside from being constantly chained to the floor) Since they needed them in top condition to sap their stamina every week. She and most of the other children weren't compliant at all because they eventually figured out the people wouldn't actually hurt them. The people only go out and get new kids because they get outsmarted by some of the older kids and they escape. I'm going to add more detail in the background to explain all this. Thank you.

@RainyDayArtist I haven't thought out the universe that far yet to know what's what yet. (Its literally just called Fantasy story) Thanks anyway.

Thanks, everybody! I appreciate the constructive ripping!

Glad to help! ^^