forum (pls,,, this is closed,,,) who has a super super super super fleshed out character i can read
Started by @icecubes
tune

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@icecubes

Hi! Can I show you my character Leo? Only if you're still interested: Leo Mun (You're welcome to critique him, I'd like to flesh him out a bit more if possible)

ooooooooookaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy time to rewrite all of this.
Leo
Looks: I think I said this category was already perfect
Nature: Things are pretty descriptive here! Under motivations, I think it would be nice to delve a little deeper into exactly what he wants to make worth it. 'Everything' is a lot of things, my dude. Also, are there any specific motivations regarding his music? Also, for talents, what specific instruments? That's like being super nit-picky, but could be important. For both talents and hobbies, is there anything else he can do/likes to do besides music related things? As for personality type, not entirely sure I understand what you mean by 'snark attack' haha, and I feel like the second part fits more under mannerisms. What else is Leo like? Is he caring or cold? Fun and carefree or strict and focused? I like what you got going here, there's not many musical characters!
Social: If he is a feminist, is he also a liberal? That would be important to put there. I also noticed you have not filled out everything, and I suggest you do that because it just helps with the smaller details of who Leo is.
I think that was all, overall Leo is a cool character and I didn't find anything that contradicts something else, which is good. Cool character my dude!

@Kaloobia

Hey dude thanks a lot!! Sorry you had so much trouble with it ;-; I really appreciate the critique, definitely got some stuff to work on. Thanks again!

@icecubes

Hey dude thanks a lot!! Sorry you had so much trouble with it ;-; I really appreciate the critique, definitely got some stuff to work on. Thanks again!

dont even worry about it my man im glad to be of service

@icecubes

Jacqueline Ash Richter Hey so these 2 are like buddy cop paranormal investigators.

would you like me to critique them? they seem pretty cool thus far

Yes plz

hello hello apologies it's finals week!
Alright
Jacqueline
Looks: Looks (pun intended) pretty good, I like how you explained where the scars came from!
Nature: Under mannerisms, what else? Is she expressive when she talks, or is she still? Is she relaxed or tense? Does she have any nervous ticks, does she smile a lot? Things like that are really helpful and also give insight to who she might be - body language is everything. Motivations is good! You could definitely dive into her flaws a bit more, like maybe she doesn't allow herself to be emotional in front of others? Same with personality type, how else does she act? Don't be afraid to add as much detail as you need!
Social: I mean, I can't critique much here, but filling out the other categories will help tremendously believe it or not.
Notes: Since this is like her history, you should put it under history. I think her story is good though, I don't see any discrepancies so nice job on that!

Richter
I think I'd say the same thing for him, just focus on filling out each box with lots of detail and you'll be good. One thing under religion, what exactly is proved to him?
Everything else seems spot on man, I love paranormal stories to deatttthhhh!!

@icecubes

These are the most fleshed out characters I have:

They're best friends, partners in crime, and both halves of the "king and tactician" trope (although Jasper doesn't turn out to be the king everyone thinks he is). Critique at will.

you are next my love!
Jasper
Looks: mMmMmMmMmMMmMMM okay sorrryy. For body type, lean is very very very broad. Is he super skinny, too? Personally, I also like to add like ectomorph or whatever but that's up to you, but like a liiitttlele bit more description would be nice
Nature: I love how you have philosophy that's so important. I wonder if you could expand on his philosophy more than just his favorite quote (although I admit, it's super hard to determine a philosophy but it reallyyyy delves into the character). Okay for mannerisms, you don't know how much I adore that you have like every mood???? I think that's so smart, like I might use that idea for myself. Okay, for flaws, I see that you put a lot of them in notes, so like, just move em over because those are some good flaws in the notes. OH YEAH, also love the alignment and the other things you added I just,,,, that's so good.
Social: Seems pretty filled out, if you can add the why's to any of those, that'll be good,
History: IM LAUGHING I LOVE THAT SO MUCH THANK UYOU

Elinor
Most of the things I said for Jasper can apply to her too, so I won't be toooooo picky on her.
Nature: For the moods, I think it would be a good idea to separate excited with scared and angry, just because maybe she has a different tone when she's excited or something. Oh, one thing I forgot to mention for motivations, adding why s/he has these motivations could give some depth. For personality type, you got great words, but I suggest like talking about each one in paragraph form instead of purely listing the traits out.
History: Personally I don't think it's sketchy, it's really interesting, good backstory.

In conclusion, I think you got some helllaaaa good characters right here. Like, for real for real. okay this is already way too long thank you so much

@icecubes

Hey! If you find anything weird, confusing or if i am missing something, i would be super happy if you could tell me Osiria Rosewell

Osiria my wOman lets g o
Looks: pls fill out body type it really helps with appearance
Nature: Under mannerisms, what else does she do? Does she move confidently or like a mouse? Does she fidget or does she stand still? It's best to add more detail. I think motivations is good, is there a reason why she wants to be trusted? For both flaws and personality type, you have good traits, and I noticed you explain them further in another tab. That's good! Just keep explaining the rest of the traits and you'll be all set. Otherwise I don't think the traits contradict at all, which is awesome!
Social: Could you explain her religion a little more, like who those gods (?) are and why she thinks one isn't evil and why she dislikes the other?

Okay, I think her story is super interesting and I adore the art by the way. I hope I kind of helped a little

@icecubes

Can you critique this? If you have time.

Dominik!
Looks: Alllll gucci
Nature: OohHohoho I really like all the stuff under mannerisms, especially with like his speech. Everything here is actually pretty good, but I do recommend adding to personality type. You really get to know a character from reading about their personality, so it would be nice to write some facts about him there.
Social: I like how you explained some of the favorites here, you should definitely finish filling out the rest of the categories even if it seems self explanatory, knowing he doesn't have a specific political view (or maybe he does!) is helpful.

He's pretty good dude, you did a great job fleshing him out!

@icecubes

I'm sorry it took me so long to get to everyone, hopefully you all found some use to my critiques! I loved reading your characters and their stories!

@AJ

This is my main protagonist, Mara. Feel free to rip her apart if you want (I'm trying to think of ways to improve her).