forum PLEASE READ AND COMMENT WHAT YOU THINK

Started May 30, 2019 by @wwWolfgirl

tune

please do not actually edit just read and comment on this discussion

I'd love to read it, but I need permission to access the document.

this may help

if not please describe the problem. (E.G. it says You have to verify that i can access it.)

Ok critique: I would check your use of commas as (there should be quite a bit more lol). I also think that Isla was a bit too quick to believe her grandmother that she was an elf; the average 25 year old wouldn't really believe the story; maybe you could have the grandmother explain a bit more before Isla's like "yeah, ok Grandma, you're old and confused" but then something ~magical~ (magical arm wave) happens, and then she's like… "ok, maybe it wasn't entirely a lie." Idk, just an idea, if Isla is naturally gullible, then completely ignore that advice.
The grandma's explaination of the tools I feel was a bit confusing (commas), maybe take out the "also," I feel like that's too informal, like oh, hey, by the way, you can teleport now lmao. Maybe a few pauses in the dialogue while she's explaining it?
Try to cut down on the "and"s and "also"s, replace a few of them with periods. It makes your sentences more definite and easy to understand.
I can't read the entire thing tonight, but even though I'm only giving you criticism, the plot line is really cool, and I definitely think that, with a few edits, this could be professional level writing!

Maybe add a little much detail between sentences. For example, she just starts to sit down and think in the stat, where is she? What does she look like? What part of the world is she in? All that stuff. Just try not to rush through description and detail! :D

Besides that, it's an awesome story and keep writing!

Thank you so much for the constructive criticism!! You have no idea what its like to have new points of view!! Like all of my family have heard bits and pieces and me complain about stuff not being right. And my friends have read it as well. In fact I would like to take a second to appreciate my friend Laurel bc she helped me write a majority of the story! And I will indeed keep writing.