@CharBar
This is my gurl: Oze McBean
This is mah boi: Maxwell Winston Sage
they are best friends
constructive criticism wanted
just i want everything critiqued about them really. I want to make them lovable and relate-able
Thx
This is my gurl: Oze McBean
This is mah boi: Maxwell Winston Sage
they are best friends
constructive criticism wanted
just i want everything critiqued about them really. I want to make them lovable and relate-able
Thx
WOW!! These are great. Here's what I saw:
Oze: what is her family like? And I think you should give her a huge passion for something that she gets super excited about but you wouldn't know when meeting her. I like that she is so caring for others, has a big personality and loves learning (does she like learning in school or on her own?) also her shoes are neat :)
Maxwell: he complements Oze well, I would like to see a little more about his powers/how they affected him.
Something else i noticed is that Maxwell is literally two feet taller than Oze and that might be kind of awkward for them, idk if you did that on purpose or not just thought I'd point it out
oooooooo sounds awesome! K, here's my input (I'm sorry if any of this offends you!!! feel free to ignore any of this if you want):
Oze: what was her reaction to the Opposite? (is that right? idk, sorry if I got it wrong…T-T) I also think that you should give her more flaws. Not anything big like "SHE OFFENDS EVERYONE SHE SEES WITH HER OPINIONS" but something like, idk, "she bites her nails" or "takes too long in the shower sometimes". It would also be a plus to add something like "stubborn when it comes to her own choices" or "doesn't think of how her actions will affect her future", etc. The flaws you already have are good, but more harmful toward herself than to others, which I think are important. I loved the part where you put "enjoys the little things in life"!!!
Maxwell: I agree with Elaina, what were his powers after he discovered his powers in the Opposite? And again same as Oze, his flaws are more harmful to himself than others although he is pretty insecure already. These flaws might actually not harm anyone because he is such a nice person tho!! Just something like "forgetful" would help a lot. it would also be pretty cool to have the whole Oze-saves-Max-from-bullies backstory too!
I'm actually really interested in how this will turn out!!! sounds like such a good story ^O^ I'd totally read it! Hope this helped :D
@vi_hy and @Elaina PLEASE READ
OMG thank you guys so much for the feedback! And no, none of it offends me :) I thought i posted the notes section to be public, but I might not have, because that is where I described Max's powers. But since it seems like you didn't see it, I'll just show you
"Max's mass bending powers allow him to change his size, as small as an ant or as big as a huge tower. However, his powers come at a side effect, as every time his powers are used, he gains an amount of height depending on how long he had been using his powers
ex: he has been using his powers for two-three years and when he discovered the Opposite and gained his power, he was 5'4, now he is 7'0 due to his extensive use in powers for missions and scavenging"
The Opposite is kind of hard to explain, but I would relate it most to the Upside Down from Stranger things, in the sense that there are gateways to it and it is more like a hidden world within our own. My backstory behind it is sort of like there were three mages a long time ago who combined their powers and created the Opposite as a safe place for those with power to live and thrive. It was hidden from the world for a very long time, and still is. Some people do come across it however, and a binding spell sends those away who do not have the potential for an Opposite power, leaving them with no memory at all of the magical world. With those that do, they can move freely from real world to Opposite, but as soon as they leave the Opposite they can't use their powers. When one with potential discovers the Opposite, they are given a power based on either their greatest fear, or there greatest insecurity. In Max's case, he was self conscious about his height and he was constantly in fear of getting beat up at his school, because kids though he was weird and an easy target. The spells of the Opposite granted him with mass bending powers.
What I want to happen is that Oze doesn't have the potential, but she was somehow able to pass the barrier and the high power in the Opposite tries to figure out why by capturing her.
I will try to give her more relatable flaws, and thanks for the nail biting suggestion, it was just what i was looking for!
I am currently working on the whole Oze-Saves-Max-from-bullies story as we speak ^v^
Oze is more of a solo learner, but she doesn't mind school
I think I have just the idea for a passion….
And to answer your question, @Elaine, Oze's parents are divorced but it's one of those "we don't hate each other" divorces where they can bear each other quite well. Both parents are remarried and Oze now has two older step brothers with her mom and two older step sisters with her dad. Oze has a blood sister who is four years younger than her.
Again, thanks for the feedback, and I hope I can make these characters better than they already are!
Oze: Also having a friend who is two feet taller than you makes for amazing snuggles, btw
AWESOME and looking forward to seeing how this turns out! ^o^ huggles
Alright! That clears it up, your characters are really good, and I would love to read about them when you finish ^-^
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