forum Please critique my characters so I can make them better

Started April 23, 2018 by @castcool

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Please critique these mentally unstable losers (plot: characters are stationed in a psychiatric facility to work through psychological problems [addiction, trauma, depression, etc.])

They're on private, but if you make them public I'll be happy to give my thoughts!

@ThiaL I didn't even notice! Thank you so much!

Okay! Here I go!

• Oliver: Wow he's really good so far! Very realistic! The only thing I can really think of is maybe right a little bit more in his background? Like why he went for the degree he did, how he got into his alcohol problem, how his siblings feel about this problem, stuff like that! Other than that he's pretty well rounded!
• Alizza: First off, maybe instead of "white" for race, say "Caucasian" or "European." Wiggles her butt when excited OMG so cute! Maybe specify who she's sexist to? I'm guessing against guys but you never know! Is she a very devout catholic? Or just kind of like she believes in God? And like Oliver, more into her background! Like, did Ursula know about her affections? And maybe go more into the hostage situation? How did that affect her Faith? Wait, she's married?? Maybe put that into her background? Also, it says "Mommy" in "Other Names," does she have a kid??At 17?? Specifying that would be helpful!
• Erin: Maybe add more mannerisms? Binge watching Voltron: Legendary Defender Same. Just, same. Also, perhaps some more details in her background as well, like her feelings towards her mom and stuff. Did she ever meet her dad? Who was her dad? How does she feel about her grandparents kicking her mom out? How does she feel about her aunt? Why is she enemies with Oliver?
• Ivelyn: Just being picky, but maybe instead of just "Hair" in her Identifying features maybe say her "interesting hair" or "eye-catching hair"? Also, maybe specify if her hair's dyed or not. So, is Marina like her alter ego, or an imaginary friend? Maybe go into that some more?? Especially in her background. Like when her parents first found out about that and how they felt, and how people around her felt? And when she realized that her "imaginary friend" or whatever was taking over and she wanted this to stop.
• Marina: Woah…. So like… Marina's like a whole different person…and she's self aware? Creepy. Reminds me of the squip from Be More Chill. Not really sure how to critique this… Pretty good already!
• Jordan: Okay, last character! So, first he has no identifying marks at all? Not even like a certain accessory or kind of clothing he always wears? Maybe he has kind of a trademark smile or something! And once again.. maybe specify his and Alizza's relationship in his and her backgrounds?? Cause I'm really confused xD No religion?? Non at all? Agnostic might be the word you're looking for :)
  Hope I helped some how!

@ThiaL
Thank you so much!

Oliver: After reading Batman comic books he thought it would be cool to chase down "baddies". In his pre-teen years he got really into crime entertainment and T.V. shows–he just really thinks that being a cop is cool and a way to help out. He got into his alcohol and drug addiction around eighth grade when some of his friends introduced him to all different kinds of substances. Most of his younger siblings don't know, but the one's who do despise it. They're the ones that told their parents in order to get him help. He's been such a good influence in all their lives–it'd be a shame that they'd lose him to something like drugs or alcohol.

Alizza: She's my absolute favorite–she's just the most fun to write since she's an absolute sweetheart. The marriage and children are in the future, I just thought I'd put it there so I don't forget. The story is that she and Jordan meet in the facility and love-like things happen and they get married a few years after they both discharge. She gets pregnant very young since that is normal in both Cuban and Catholic culture. She is a non-practicing Catholic–basically she believes in all the stuff but she doesn't go to church or anything like that. Ursula didn't know about her affections, which kind of made it worse for her because she was never able to express how she felt. It /did/ affect her faith, but she wasn't really thinking about God. It was more like "oh my God she's gone what am I gonna do?"

Erin: She has a love-hate relationship with her mother. One part adores and respects all the hard-work her mother has done just to provide basic necessities like food and clothes, but the other half resents her for getting pregnant so young and leaving her aunt's house. She never met her father (born out of a one-night stand). She never met her grandparents, but thinks they're cruel for kicking their daughter out. She loves her aunt and misses her dearly. And with the Oliver thing, I just feel like they won't really click when together. Like they'll butt heads and stuff.

Ivy: It's not dyed. She has premature greyness inherited from her mother. Marina is like an alter ego that went a bit too far–think of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Her parents didn't even notice. They were very busy with their work. They didn't even know she was in the facility until her older sister (who checked her in) told them. They are constantly beating themselves up for not being there for her. Everyone was kind of weirded out by it and just thought "ok she's crazy who the fuck is Marina". She realized it was getting out of hand when she would wake up in the beds of people she barely knew or started the day with an extreme hangover she didn't remember causing.

Marina: I'm still trying to figure her out. All I know is that she lives by sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

Jordan: I couldn't really think of anything for Identifying Marks. Maybe when I go more in depth with his character I'll discover something. He doesn't really believe in a God and that causes a rift between his and Alizza's relationship, but they eventually get through it.

(Pro-Tip): Alizza's name is pronounced A-lee-sah. Her parents only speak Spanish so this is how they always referred to her.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

@ThiaL

also, if you scroll all the way down the character's pages, you can access their respective pinterest boards