forum Please critique my character! I'm starting a comic book and I would appreciate the help:)

Started July 23, 2018 by MissMarvel

tune

Hey so she sounds pretty cool, but her appearance, movatives and obviously her name draw a strong connection to the white witch from the chronicles of Narnia, (Also she in about ten pounds underweight even for her height if that's problem) Just so ya know.
I guess my biggest question is how much more about this character do you as the writer know than I do reading you notes? There are things like "the lab" and their motivations that are unclear, How did they know about her? how did she get her powers in the first place? Was in because of the lab or was see born with them? Why did the lab teach her how to fight? And then also where is she now and who cares for her? when did she gain all her tech knowledge?
Also for religion you marked her as atheist but still believing in a higher power. If she does believe there is a god but doesn't know which god is the true one you might want to call her agnostic instead (atheist, as in a-theist translates to 'no god')
But all and all I think you can just do more, for example expanding her motive from simply justice to something more specific as to why these ideals are so important to her.
So yeah you have a good skeleton here but I think you should add some meat on those bones if you want to bring her to life.

Hey so she sounds pretty cool, but her appearance, movatives and obviously her name draw a strong connection to the white witch from the chronicles of Narnia, (Also she in about ten pounds underweight even for her height if that's problem) Just so ya know.
I guess my biggest question is how much more about this character do you as the writer know than I do reading you notes? There are things like "the lab" and their motivations that are unclear, How did they know about her? how did she get her powers in the first place? Was in because of the lab or was see born with them? Why did the lab teach her how to fight? And then also where is she now and who cares for her? when did she gain all her tech knowledge?
Also for religion you marked her as atheist but still believing in a higher power. If she does believe there is a god but doesn't know which god is the true one you might want to call her agnostic instead (atheist, as in a-theist translates to 'no god')
But all and all I think you can just do more, for example expanding her motive from simply justice to something more specific as to why these ideals are so important to her.
So yeah you have a good skeleton here but I think you should add some meat on those bones if you want to bring her to life.

Thanks for the feedback, she is a new character so I'm still fleshing the story out but I'll work on
those things for sure!

Okay so I looked over your character and I'll break things down as I go. Though, take what I say with a grain of salt as this also includes personal opinion. And sorry in advance for my wordiness.

Appearance
Is there a reason she's so underweight? I'm a 5'3'' female myself. 97 lbs is severely underweight for that height. Like, that's unhealthy and technically, she probably would have some serious issues living. A healthy weight for a 5'3'' female is somewhere between 105 lbs and 130 lbs, just to give you a reference, and that's standard. That doesn't take into consideration lifestyle.

You describe her body as thin. But what kind of thin? Are we talking a malnourished thin? Is that why she's 97 lbs? (and if this is the case, why is she like this? A result of her kidnapping? Maybe an eating disorder?) Is she a toned thin, from activity and movement? (And yes, this would factor into her weight as well, as muscle is heavier than fat). And I'm SO sorry if I seem hung up on her weight. It's just that weight and body type kinda go hand in hand.

Long blonde hair, hazel eyes, and she likes earrings. But what else? Does she have freckles? Any birthmarks? A marking left by the people who took her? Just a hair description and eye color don't tell you much about the character, though these characteristics are part of them. Often characters and even IRL people will have things about them that can silently tell you more.
In my experience, that 'Identifying Marks' section is the place you put things about their appearance that directly correlates to their history and personality.
I'm going to use my personal character as an example. My character has a criminal background. I show this through her appearance with a government branding under one of her eyes, thus showing the people that she's dangerous. She also has a tattoo at the base of her neck, showing she's part of a gang. Get what I'm going at?

Personality (I'm probably going to pick this apart…)
First things first, mannerisms are not personality traits. They're quirks and habits that make the character unique and alive. Personally, my mannerisms are that I drum my fingers on everything (Impatience), I clench my jaw (Easily Frustrated), I rest my chin on my hand (Boredom). Mannerisms can either showcase personality, or they can help convey the feel of the scene.

Motivation… You state that it is justice. But what is she wanting justice for? Is it for herself because she was taken? Her parents because they're dead? Maybe for people like her in a similar situation? You probably already know this, but motivation is a two-part system. The first part is the what, which you've stated as Justice. The second part is the why, which is unclear. So what we're looking for is to answer the question: "Why is she motivated by justice?"

Okay, you've got me confused here. I get why she's good at fighting, as she was taught to while in captivity. But where does the computer skills come into play? Is it a hobby of hers? Did her kidnappers teach her? What's the point of these skills and why is she so good at them? And another thing is: If she's so gosh darn good a computer things, why is her only hobby cooking?
I think what I'm saying here is that she's only been out of captivity for 3 years, give or take on month wise. If she's escaped, wouldn't her captors be trying to recapture her? If so, what time would she have for a hobby like cooking? Plus, if you're being experimented on and forced to fight, you wouldn't necessarily have the time for such activities. Not to mention, and I'm assuming on this, but she's been provided for her entire life, being kept locked away. She has no real life skills. Those three years of freedom would not only be spent getting acclimated to normal life but also possibly avoiding recapture. But we'll move on.

I'm not going to touch on the social category, seeing as how that's just favorites and extra stuff.

History
So she was 'self-taught' right? Just my personal opinion here, but wouldn't it make more sense for her captors to have taught her basic education? Just seeing as how they taught her everything else. And if I were them, I would want to see how my experiments were effects all aspects of the test subject, not just the physical aspect.

Alright, now to the background. I was looking forward to this.
Kidnapped at a young age, and was made a walking experiment basically, until powers emerged. Are these powers a result from the experiments or are the natural? If caused by experiments, are they an unforeseen side effect or were they intended? Speaking of powers, what are they?
Okay, next point, a laboratory is teaching a 10-year-old girl how to fight? A place for science becomes a place for combat? Is this a regular government mandated thing? Is some shady asshole getting a laugh at the expense of some little girl? Why is she going through this?
And then she escapes, which is usually required, but she discovers her parents are dead, and by fire no less? She's been staring at the same four walls, dealing with the same handful of people for the majority of her life. How does she remember who her parents are? Let alone, figure out they're dead and how they died.
Speaking of dead parents, was the fire intentional? Were they murdered? Was it an unfortunate accident? Was someone trying to cover something up or silence someone? Reasoning?

And the San Fran thing, how does she know she was in San Fran her whole life?

Okay, to wrap things up. Sorry it was so long. I'm a descriptive person.
Anywho, I think you have a solid base here. You've got your foot in the door for a great, well-rounded character. Right now, you just have the basics, and that might work for you. But if someone were to just look at the character form here, there would be some questions. I think the best course of action would be to look at your character, point out the main things about her, and then question yourself and her. Why does she act like this? Where does this part of her appearance come from? How does this aspect of her history affect her, mentally, physically, or emotionally?
You're in the expansion phase, where you really dig down and unearth those meaty details that make your character really come alive. Rose Dumont is a good character, and with a little polishing, can become even greater than she already is. Just fill in those gaps and really get to know who she really is.

Again, I'm sorry I wrote so much. You don't have to take my advice. These were just things I've noticed that might help you improve not only this character but possibly your entire character creation process, as all who write can still learn more. Even myself, as I'm just a novice who writes as a hobby. I hope I was of some assistance, and good luck with your comic.

Okay so I looked over your character and I'll break things down as I go. Though, take what I say with a grain of salt as this also includes personal opinion. And sorry in advance for my wordiness.

Appearance
Is there a reason she's so underweight? I'm a 5'3'' female myself. 97 lbs is severely underweight for that height. Like, that's unhealthy and technically, she probably would have some serious issues living. A healthy weight for a 5'3'' female is somewhere between 105 lbs and 130 lbs, just to give you a reference, and that's standard. That doesn't take into consideration lifestyle.

You describe her body as thin. But what kind of thin? Are we talking a malnourished thin? Is that why she's 97 lbs? (and if this is the case, why is she like this? A result of her kidnapping? Maybe an eating disorder?) Is she a toned thin, from activity and movement? (And yes, this would factor into her weight as well, as muscle is heavier than fat). And I'm SO sorry if I seem hung up on her weight. It's just that weight and body type kinda go hand in hand.

Long blonde hair, hazel eyes, and she likes earrings. But what else? Does she have freckles? Any birthmarks? A marking left by the people who took her? Just a hair description and eye color don't tell you much about the character, though these characteristics are part of them. Often characters and even IRL people will have things about them that can silently tell you more.
In my experience, that 'Identifying Marks' section is the place you put things about their appearance that directly correlates to their history and personality.
I'm going to use my personal character as an example. My character has a criminal background. I show this through her appearance with a government branding under one of her eyes, thus showing the people that she's dangerous. She also has a tattoo at the base of her neck, showing she's part of a gang. Get what I'm going at?

Personality (I'm probably going to pick this apart…)
First things first, mannerisms are not personality traits. They're quirks and habits that make the character unique and alive. Personally, my mannerisms are that I drum my fingers on everything (Impatience), I clench my jaw (Easily Frustrated), I rest my chin on my hand (Boredom). Mannerisms can either showcase personality, or they can help convey the feel of the scene.

Motivation… You state that it is justice. But what is she wanting justice for? Is it for herself because she was taken? Her parents because they're dead? Maybe for people like her in a similar situation? You probably already know this, but motivation is a two-part system. The first part is the what, which you've stated as Justice. The second part is the why, which is unclear. So what we're looking for is to answer the question: "Why is she motivated by justice?"

Okay, you've got me confused here. I get why she's good at fighting, as she was taught to while in captivity. But where does the computer skills come into play? Is it a hobby of hers? Did her kidnappers teach her? What's the point of these skills and why is she so good at them? And another thing is: If she's so gosh darn good a computer things, why is her only hobby cooking?
I think what I'm saying here is that she's only been out of captivity for 3 years, give or take on month wise. If she's escaped, wouldn't her captors be trying to recapture her? If so, what time would she have for a hobby like cooking? Plus, if you're being experimented on and forced to fight, you wouldn't necessarily have the time for such activities. Not to mention, and I'm assuming on this, but she's been provided for her entire life, being kept locked away. She has no real life skills. Those three years of freedom would not only be spent getting acclimated to normal life but also possibly avoiding recapture. But we'll move on.

I'm not going to touch on the social category, seeing as how that's just favorites and extra stuff.

History
So she was 'self-taught' right? Just my personal opinion here, but wouldn't it make more sense for her captors to have taught her basic education? Just seeing as how they taught her everything else. And if I were them, I would want to see how my experiments were effects all aspects of the test subject, not just the physical aspect.

Alright, now to the background. I was looking forward to this.
Kidnapped at a young age, and was made a walking experiment basically, until powers emerged. Are these powers a result from the experiments or are the natural? If caused by experiments, are they an unforeseen side effect or were they intended? Speaking of powers, what are they?
Okay, next point, a laboratory is teaching a 10-year-old girl how to fight? A place for science becomes a place for combat? Is this a regular government mandated thing? Is some shady asshole getting a laugh at the expense of some little girl? Why is she going through this?
And then she escapes, which is usually required, but she discovers her parents are dead, and by fire no less? She's been staring at the same four walls, dealing with the same handful of people for the majority of her life. How does she remember who her parents are? Let alone, figure out they're dead and how they died.
Speaking of dead parents, was the fire intentional? Were they murdered? Was it an unfortunate accident? Was someone trying to cover something up or silence someone? Reasoning?

And the San Fran thing, how does she know she was in San Fran her whole life?

Okay, to wrap things up. Sorry it was so long. I'm a descriptive person.
Anywho, I think you have a solid base here. You've got your foot in the door for a great, well-rounded character. Right now, you just have the basics, and that might work for you. But if someone were to just look at the character form here, there would be some questions. I think the best course of action would be to look at your character, point out the main things about her, and then question yourself and her. Why does she act like this? Where does this part of her appearance come from? How does this aspect of her history affect her, mentally, physically, or emotionally?
You're in the expansion phase, where you really dig down and unearth those meaty details that make your character really come alive. Rose Dumont is a good character, and with a little polishing, can become even greater than she already is. Just fill in those gaps and really get to know who she really is.

Again, I'm sorry I wrote so much. You don't have to take my advice. These were just things I've noticed that might help you improve not only this character but possibly your entire character creation process, as all who write can still learn more. Even myself, as I'm just a novice who writes as a hobby. I hope I was of some assistance, and good luck with your comic.

Thank you this was definitely helpful! I kept her parents history vague because a big part of the story is her not believing the fire was an accident and wanting to find out more. I fixed more of the backstory such as the experiments so thanks again for the feedback,

I kept her parents history vague because a big part of the story is her not believing the fire was an accident and wanting to find out more.

I think the character sheet is designed as a reference so that you can know your character inside and out. Readers might only find out that the main character is the son of the king near the end of the story, for example, but that's something that the author should know from the very beginning. The page is not a record of what Rose Dumont knows about herself, but what you the author know about her, and that should be everything about her relevant to the story. Because of this, you don't have to keep anything vague. :)