forum Please critique my character.

Started September 10, 2019 by @Fangirl616 group

tune

Thanks so much in advance! I want to see if there is anything more for me to improve!

Zenith seems a little OP (skills mostly), but considering he's apparently an insane character, that's probably fine. Unless you want the readers sympathizing with him, in which case… maybe tone it down a little. How does he think of him cooking? Is it just a little shot of humanity in an otherwise picture-perfect villain type character? Does he hide it from other people? Does he consider himself broken inside or is he too proud to admit that? Does he even use the word broken for all those negative feelings (does he recognize them for what they are or does he just ignore them)?
How's his relationship with Jayden? I glanced over Jayden's page too. Another thing that's important, how does Jayden think of Zenith? Does he envy him? Does he love him? Does he think he's a monster? Is Zenith in love with him or obsessed?
Overall, I think he's a pretty solid villain. However, if he's the main character of the story, you might want to tone him down a little, in both terms of mental state and abilities.

The entire story arc is about him starting as a psychopath and turning into more of a controlled person. He's going to open up a restaurant at the end.

He is obsessed with Jayden at first, but slowly falls into real love.

Jayden likes them as friends, and he's aromantic, meaning he actually can't love Zenith. So they wind up as friends. (Or will wind up as friends, once I write the freaking story I'm procrastinating on.)

Zenith knows he has things wrong with him, and will eventually go to a therapist, where he'll start to get better.

He is the MC, but I'm trying to take the classic 'Hero turned villain' and 'Person with a regular life turns into a hero' tropes and mix them up.

He is kinda OP, but he's also very reckless, meaning he'll do very stupid things he shouldn't do just for the thrill, which more often than not lands him in life-threatening danger.

Thanks so much for the critique!

Some questions that could be elaborated on:

• When/at what age did he leave the lab, and how? Was it by his own choice?
• Does he love or hate his powers and his strength? Would it remind him of the lab?
• How and why did he become a mercenary?
• Does he take school seriously?
• How did he meet Jayden, and why would he allow himself to get closer to him in particular?

All in all, his history and background need more work, and some other adjustments could be made like what Fangirl pointed out. But personally, I think he has the potential to be a very interesting character!

He doesn't take school seriously, and just barely gets a passing grade (mostly from never doing his homework).

He likes his powers, they help keep him alive on his jobs, but he hates anything to do with the labs other than his powers.

He became a mercenary because he was homeless after he escaped the lab, and killing was one of the few things he knew how to do.

He likes Jayden because of how pure they are. They somehow manage to remain innocent in a world of chaos and bloodshed. He grows close to Jayden because he wants to protect them.