forum Please critique my baby girl (be gentle I love her)
Started by @Wheeze_For_Me
tune

people_alt 44 followers

Deleted user

For motivations, what do you mean by revenge? Revenge on who? Is she getting revenge for someone else who's injured or dead, or is she doing it because someone has wronged her in the past? Is it against her ex and his father?
For both talents and hobbies, I want to ask if there's anything else that's kind of different. Like, some characters might have a natural talent for baking or doodling. Surely she likes to do something else rather than listen to music all the time, right?
Side note, I think it's super cool that she has vitiligo! Not many characters have that, and even if authors do include them, they're either a background or side character. So, thank you lol
I'm not the best critiquer per se, but I just call out some of the major issues. I hope this helps a little bit! She seems like a really neat character

@Relsey-TheElder

Alright, the largest issue I'm seeing is there's a lot of contradiction in her character, I'm seeing what you're trying to portray her had being but I'm also a bit confused. If seems like you're trying to put two characters into one character, here's an example of what I mean.
In flaw's you said she's very narcissistic, but she's also insecure, those two don't really go together. Being insecure automatically tells me she's not actually narcissistic, because if she's narcissistic she's 100% thinks she's amazing and glorifies her self and she's confident in her self and abilities, and being Insecure is exactly not that.

@M.W.Poel

Okay so some points I found:

  1. Just to clarify (not important) you mean her hair is died blue? if not you can add a note. otherwise, it's fine.
  2. I think she's somewhat underweight. also, if she's mostly muscle, muscles are heavier then fat so even if she's really thin because she trained well I'm pretty sure she'd weigh more. (used this to do a quick check: https://www.calculator.net/ideal-weight-calculator.html?ctype=metric&cage=22&csex=f&cheightfeet=5&cheightinch=10&cheightmeter=156&printit=0&x=53&y=23)
  3. I like that you tried to describe what kind of fit she is. Seems she mostly did weight lifting and stuff?
  4. What is her normal self?
  5. I see what @Relsey meant with conflicting flaws. I think this is mostly caused by the fact you use single words to describe them. Try to explain Why these things are flaws. How does this affect her behaviour and environment? For example, anger on its own is not necessarily a flaw. what makes it a flaw (in general) is that people express it by hitting others. If the anger was expressed by someone aggressively cleaning the house it's not that big of a problem. If you elaborate you can also see how the flaws contradict each other or work together.
  6. Try to figure out how to incorporate her depression into the other elements as well. if you can make it come back in her personality, behaviour and flaws (more clearly) it will feel more consistent and sturdy as a character.
  7. Well… favourite possessions certainly took an angle I did not expect.
  8. Would you be wearing tightfitting clothes if you wanted to look unappealing? (Talking about the tight jeans and high-heeled boots in the pictures) does she think she's succeeding?
  9. Make sure to do plenty of research on how victims of rape feel afterwards and the whole trial bussines and requesting help. the largest question I have right now is: did she try to get help from some other force before she took things into her own hands? Why did she choose to do things on her own? It's probably different for everyone but might give you some extra things to utilize.

Can you work with this? is this level of criticism okay?