forum PLEASE critique my babies
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tune
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people_alt 2 followers

@Hac_KinG

@sadgirl
LUCAS:
can i just say i love how you describe a lot of things (ex: Stick boy, lololol i love it)
Identifying marks: when you mention the messy hair, are we talking borderline dreads or shaggy?
Favorite possession: when it comes to his jacket, are you describing that one pattern on those god-awful paper/plastic cups? if so, thats awesome
i guess i can see where you come from by not saying too much about the guy, but even though the main character doesnt know much about him, doesnt mean we can know a little more. idk. i guess he kind of reminds me of Donnie (the little monkey boy) in the old tv show "the wild thornberrys" doesnt really seem to have too much depth and more like comedic relief source.
i really do like this little guy! seems fun!

KL:
Identifying marks: can i just say how i love how you included acne scars, there are too many teenagers/young adults with "flawless" skin. its a breath of fresh air!
Prejudices: when you say hes biased, what is he biased about? simple mundane things?
Favorite weapon: when you say vacuum and yelling, i just imagine him flailing a dyson around and shouting like a crazy person haha!
why doesnt he like his parents? was it just the homophobic part or were they terrible in other ways? or were they really not that bad and he was just super rebellious and angsty?
tbh i do like KL a little more than Lucas, but thats just me. they both are great characters! you gonna make any more?

Sadie Hume

I would agree with giving us a backstory to Lucas. Even though the audience might not know what his back story is, it is good that we know so we and you know how his past shaped him into who he is now. Say the reason he is attached to his jacket because it was the last gift from his family before they left/died. It would affect the way he cherished his jacket, he might then get really posessive over it and would be way more serious about being protective over it, or maybe he just really likes the jacket, I don't know. Maybe he is a weird, goofball person because it is his way of coping with a horrible past. This would add some meaning behind his very action that then will give more of an outline of what your character is like. I will agree that he does seem like a character that I would like, just would like a backstory at the end and some of it you don't even need to tell the audience about.