forum OZE MAY NEED UR HELP

Started July 18, 2018 by @CharBar

tune

Hi! Please critique my first baby, Oze McBean. I just want to know if she is realistic and relatable enough to most. Positive constructive criticism wanted! I will try to answer as many questions as I can.

Your character is so amazing you put so much thought and detail into her and it really shows

Hello! I love your characters name!

So far, looking through it, I didn't really understand this:

Archaeologist ( well, sort of all most)

What exactly do you mean by 'Sort of almost'? Is she currently in school to become an archaeologist? Is she hoping to become one?

I was looking through the background, and noticed you did mention an internship, but maybe you should add that in for occupation. Maybe even have 'Archaeology Internship'.

Also! Under "Hair Color" you put 'Platinum blonde/Sandy blonde' and then you said under "Identifying Marks" that her hair was 'short almost pixie hair and color galaxy' , although now that I'm looking at it, It might be referring to the band tattoo?

Well, that's all I could think of, but I really love your character!

@Mark_Is_Male
Yeah, you were correct about the galaxy color being about her tattoo, I will make that more clear in the info section. And I will also change the Archaeology Internship thing. Thanks!

Really good character, the only thing I would say is to add more mannerisms for emotions. What does she do when she's (insert emotion here)? Also, look at MBTI to further develop her personality.

@Wry_Wyvern Thanks for the suggestions!

@Mark_Is_Male
Yeah, you were correct about the galaxy color being about her tattoo, I will make that more clear in the info section. And I will also change the Archaeology Internship thing. Thanks!

No problem! :)

@Wry_Wyvern Thanks for the suggestions!

Np. Let me know if I can help with anything else.

@Wry_Wyvern
Actually, there is something you could help me with. Could you please look at Max? He is Oze's best firend in the story my writing.

Of course!

Okay so first, his Height, Weight and age.

The average height for a seventeen year old is about 5'3" and if you are planning on keeping him that height, he should be a little heavier. Here's the website I use for height/weight ect.

https://teens.lovetoknow.com/Average_Height_and_Weight_for_Teenager

Another thing is his backstory, you don't really tell anything about his life growing up, did he have two parents? One? Any close cousins or Siblings?

One last thing, when describing his cat you say "cat, Scottish Fold, gray short hair, bright orange eyes. Semi retarded." I'm sorry, but some people might find it offensive if you use that word. I personally don't get to offended, but find it annoying when people use it.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

Looks:
-I'm guessing he has some sort of superpower that makes him a lot bigger than a normal person; weight is proportional to his height (but I agree with Mark; if you intend for him to be muscular, make him heavier).
-If his glasses were to break, one of the parts that would hook over his ears would probably break first, and even if the bridge broke it wouldn't leave a scar. If the scar's important to the story, then work it in another way.
Nature:
-Same thing with mannerisms and MBTI
-I noticed that both Max and Oze bottle up their emotions and then later spill them all out at once. Do you have any other mains who are freer with their emotions to balance things out? Making all/most of your characters, especially MCs, have some of the same internal struggles can make a story less good.
-"THE PERSON WHO WEARS SWEATERS AND JACKETS ALL YEAR LONG DESPITE THE WEATHER" Haha that's me (unless I could get physically ill from doing so, like at marching band camp)
-Overall, this section is great. I can relate to him, he seems like a real person; very well done.
Social:
-Insecure, but talks to everyone, an anarchist who follows commands well… there are a few contradicting personality traits, which is how humans are, and it makes characters more interesting. However, don't make it sound forced when you're actually writing.
-Names messy weapons …He'd rather not fight. Intriguing. So, if he is a generally nice person, what pushes him to fight?
Notes:
-"he gains an amount of height depending on how long he had been using his powers
ex: he has been using his powers for two-three years and when he discovered the Opposite and gained his power, he was 5'4, now he is 7'0 due to his extensive use in powers for missions and scavenging" sorry, could you explain this further? Does it mean that his normal height changes based on how he uses his powers, or is there something else?

Also, a comment on Oze now that I looked at her a bit more: she's your happy optimistic Hufflepuff, fine, BUT everyone has a dark side, and usually the harder it is to find, the worse it is. What makes her act like a Slytherin?

Thank you bith for the additional feedback!
@Mark_Is_Male Thank you for the website! I have been playing with his weight for a while and can never seem to get it right. Also with his height, that is a side effect of his powers. I seem to have completely skipped over his life growing up, yeah? I will get on to that. And the cat is just very silly, so I guess the initial word I thought would be retarded, but I do see how that may be offensive to some.Thank you.

@Wry_Wyvern
I'm glad that you like him so much! I guess I never thought how the glasses would work when they broke, thank you for the insight. I have been on this idea that I want Max to be a more free and open with his emotions, soo I'm probably going to change that. You are in marching band as well? Me too! Yes, I will do my best to make the whole contradicting traits flow as smoothly as I can. Something that pushes Max to the edge of his self restraint would probably be one of his loved ones getting hurt, killed, or overall being cruel to a loved one. I will include that in the weapons or personality section. Yes. The way that the side effect of Max's power works is that lets say he is 5'4 and he uses his powers for 5 hours straight. Nothing drastic would happen. Maybe a half or quarter of an inch added to his height at most. But over the course of the time he has been using his powers (3-4 years), it all added up to about +20 inches to his beginning height.
For Oze, I'd say that there are one or two very specific situations that set off her Slytherin side. One being when couples abusively argue in front of their very young children. This gives her sort of flashbacks and she turns into a silent, insecure Slytherin. But in general, people being ignorant to important or cruel matters can make her slightly aggravated.
Thank you, I will be sure to add this to the pages of each character.

No problem! If you need anything else, just let me know! :)

@Mark_Is_Male
Will do -u-

Thank you bith for the additional feedback!

Any time.

You are in marching band as well? Me too!

That's awesome! What do you play (or spin)? I play the mellophone, aka the weird trumpet thing that tries to be a French horn.

Thank you bith for the additional feedback!

Any time.

You are in marching band as well? Me too!

That's awesome! What do you play (or spin)? I play the mellophone, aka the weird trumpet thing that tries to be a French horn.

I play the baritone (aka the thing that people like to mistake for a Euphonium with three valves), though I played trumpet on my first year and didn't like it enough to continue. Its kinda heavy though and I need to hold it like a trumpet because. Yah know. Marching band logic.