I've noticed a lot of members of the notebook fam doing this, and it seems like everyone is getting very constructive results, so I was hoping you all would take a look at one of my main characters! Be as harsh as you feel is needed when critiquing, as I'm looking to create a very good character!
Okay, right off the bat his backstory is super compelling and well-written. Major props to you on that part.
Beautiful motivations. I'm liking this character more and more. ^-^
I was about to comment something along the lines of "OH MY GOSH HIS WEIGHT IS THE SAME AS MINE!" until I reached the end of the page and given my answer. ^-^
He is still very slim, so I'm a tad bit concerned for his health right now, as I am a 5'5'' female who weighs the same.
This sentence appears to have been cut off: Extremely pale, almost reflective, despite living for years near
was this intentional? Or is there more?
Aside from that, my only qualm with his character is not knowing where he got his shoulder bruises from. Everything else was wonderfully written and designed, and I'd love to read more about this character. ^-^
Yay!! This is basically my favorite thing so here we go, top down:
Woah there. I don't have very much background in this, but a 5'8" male should weigh more than 110. Like, consulting the Google chart, he should be around 140 at the least.Maybe he's severely malnourished, but that is SUPER small.
I actually REALLY like how he is motivated by fear, because that can easily turn into a thousand other things down the line. I'm also really into how much I can grasp your universe from just two pages.
Backstory: I'm more or less on board, but I want a little bit more background as to why he's in a different world than he should be. It just sorta plops him in there–okay, sure, maybe his parents or ancestors did something, but what? Or is it just random, like, you can be born Clairvoyant to Superhuman parents? Just give me that and the rest is pretty solid.
ALSO, I appreciate the incorporation of cancer. It's just really cool to see–for some reason that never comes up in fantasy (I'm assuming this is fantasy, anyway).
Okay, my overall… Other than the couple pointers above, I think you've got a strong character here. His looks are believable and his personality is REALLY in-depth, which I LOVE. Perfect motivations in accordance with past experiences. Also, I can tell that your universe is really well-developed, something that doesn't shine through in a lot of characters.
Hope this helps!! :D
Dang it guys, you beat me to it.
@NothingHappened871 Mweheheheheh ;3
THOUGH, I really think we should all form some kind of Critique Group. XD Dunno what that would entail, but just a suggestion…idk XD
Actually I think that would be awesome @Mish!!