forum New girl, could use a second opinion
Started by @sharkfinn_ey
tune

people_alt 38 followers

Amber group

I really like this charachter! I like the vibe you send with her, adventurous, and reminds me of a warm summer campfire.
-I think you could describe the clothes she wears even more, like her favorite outfit. That would give the reader an easier time with visualization. But it is done quite well already.
-I also think that including the way she talks to other people would be helpful. Is she loud? Snarky? Quiet? How does she treat other? Does she have a catch phrase?
-And lastly, I think going deeper into her hobbies and goals would be helpful. Is there something she is aiming for? Like saving up for a new flat? And her hobbies must include more than skating right? Find something that she can use to channel her energy, maybe even seems to contradict her personality. If you give her more of a purpose, or has a specific goal in mind, you will have an easier time writing her.
Overall a very good charachter! Let know if you like my advice, what you will keep, and what you will toss. See ya! ;)

@HighPockets group

Okay I'm writing this down as I read:

  • Is Tammy her full name or short for something?
  • I like the meaning of name section, it's a nice touch
  • What is her last name?
  • Try to pinpoint an exact age, especially if this is in modern time, since birthdays are a thing
  • What nationality is she? American? Canadian? British?
  • What makes her clothing style striking? Is it bright, revealing, flamboyant, etc.
  • Good fears!
  • Her quote in 'prejudices' is beautiful
  • Being enthusiastic isn't a talent, it's a personality trait
  • The 'be a slut, do whatever you want' quote sounds more like something that would be said to slutshame a girl than raise her up. I dunno, it came off as condescending to me.
  • Be careful with the 'she thinks she's not a good person' thing. If she keeps saying she's a bad person, it becomes grating and annoying
  • Is she a socialist then if she's against capitalism and communism, or is she an anarchist?
  • Her clothing style doesn't seem super striking based on what's been written

All in all, I really like her!
I do not think the name Tammy fits her personality very well, she seems more like a Liz or a Lexi.
Is she a lesbian? She gives off a lesbian vibe for some reason.

@sharkfinn_ey

Hi, thanks both for your tips and questions!
I'll describe her clothes more, but they're striking as they're very bright colours (think yellow, red, bright blue) and different from the standard denim clothing you see a lot in her surroundings.
I'm still figuring out a lot about setting, goals, her friends, the plot etc so I'm not going to pinpoint the age just yet haha.
She'll probably be an anarchist, but I'll do some more research on that.
Towards others she's loud, but not in a bad way. Her enthousiasm brights other people's day and makes them enthousiastic as well.
The phrase 'be a slut do what you want' is only to her friends, and it's meant as a good thing, like be free to be sexual without sexists strings attached. It's just sex, nothing mystical about it (this needs better wording i know haha).
She's probably English, or maybe French.
The 'she thinks she's a bad person' is more an inner battle, I'll probably have her best friend know about it.

Tammy will most likely be bisexual, because she gives me a bit of a lesbian vibe too haha.

Again, thanks for your time :)